I wonder.....

I wonder if everyone tries to do their laundry Fri morning. I have noticed whenever I do the laundry on Fri every machine on our side of the building would be packed. I walked over to the other building to do our laundry and bumped into our manager again. He was like "hey...what are you doing here at the wrong building?" hehehehe......

I wonder if I am addicted to coffee. I probably am. I ran out of coffee and didn't drink any yesterday. My head was hurting for the whole day and felt very sleepy for the whole day. I am not sure if it was due to the heavy does of anesthetic I got from the dentist of from lack of coffee. I think I am feeling much better today cuz I had my regular shot of latte this morning. Maybe I am really addicted....but then new search has it that coffee prevents some sort of cancer if you don't overdo it....well...those researches always say something new every once a while.

I wonder if the stupid intern at the dental clinic screwed up yesterday. The clinic gave me a call this morning asking me to go in again so they can get another molar print from me to make the crown. The quite-clumsy dental assistant intern from a rich family was doing the crown thingy for me yesterday, and I had no idea if he was doing it right. (and I even know he came from a rich family and they have their own boat or something which he is planning to take for a sail in Long Beach this coming weekend.....gosh....I wonder how much trashy info that I don't need can I obtain from various places....) So...I will have to head back to the clinic in about one hour. Maybe the dentist just wanted to chat with me some more....sighs...

I wonder what we are gonna eat tonight since little uncle wants us to go eat with Billy's cousin from N. CA. I have no idea when we are meeting and where....on top of that I have no idea what we will be talking about since I am not that great with strangers...I guess if it's not Billy's family I would certainly turn it down and enjoy my time at home since I am not quite ready for the recording tomorrow either.

I wonder if the recording session can go smoothly tomorrow. I am kinda worried about Cindy's pronunciation since the lyrics is adjusted and she sings kinda with everything in her mouth. I hope we will be able to do a decent recording since I won't be able to get her again once she goes to Iraq. It sucks to finally get to know a nice singer but not be able to record the person much at all. I wish she lives closer so we can work more together. Life is funny this way....hard to get what you want around you....

Ok....I have been wondering too much. I should get back to work now. Should write down the run down for the song and stuff....man....recording tomorrow better go smooth....have to pray about it since it's a while from the last recording session I had.

I wonder when I can stop going to the dentist...

Yes....dentist visit again....instead of waking up super early like I always did when there is appt, I couldn't wake up this morning. I think I might be trying to sleep through my appt cuz I didn't want to lose another tooth of mine. Oh well....there are a lot of things that you wish to happen in life but cannot happen...or vise versa...not pulling out my tooth was one of them.

I got yet another crowning process done today. The real crown will come next week. This time it will be a white one instead of silver since it's at a place where people can see it. The dentist also pulled out the tooth on top which was rotten and only has the root left. I still remember Dr. Lin did this tooth while I was having one of my breaks in high school. I didn't even bother to let anyone know the crown fell off since I didn't enjoy having him treating my tooth all that much even though it was free....oh well...whatever I didn't take care of back then need to be taken of now...(This is very philosophical....:p )

My dentist continued talking to me throughout the 1 1/2 hour treatment. Now I even know he went to Chicago for school....for 4 years....I didn't ask but I am guessing he went to Northwest for school. (I could of ask and make him happy answering but then my mouth was full of instruments....oh well....) I now know he used to go to Chinatown after they studied really late. He used to only take public transportations and taxi in Chicago cuz it's trouble to keep a car there since it snowed a lot.....ok....I think it may just be a little too much info for me....

The wound for the extraction is still bleeding of course. I wonder how long it's gonna bleed this time. I hope it's not gonna go as long as my wisdom tooth since I have a student in 4 hours. The dentist was too nice to me and didn't want me to feel anything that he gave me so many shots of anesthetic (now I am numb all the way to my ear....Don't know why I kept on feeling it when he was doing something to my teeth...) It's a funny feeling when I drink water cuz I keep on feeling I am gonna spill it out.

I am actually hungry now and yet I can't eat....this really sucks....hum....maybe I can drink myself full?

I have noticed....

I have noticed that I am getting tired of watching TV. I used to turn TV on when I get home, but recently I just feel it's kinda noisy if I have it on for too long. I was raised up not allowed to watches a lot of TV that is why when I have a TV I keep it on most of the time....just so I feel I can watch TV too. (Some kinda rebellious spirit right there...) Honestly speaking there is not much I really enjoy watching and staring at the TV by myself gets kinda dumb when the stuff on TV isn't even what I am interested in....

I have noticed I get annoyed when people's blogs are not updated with consistency. I get irritated when I go through every blog I know and only see few updates. For some reason it makes me frustrated when there is nothing new happening around me....even when it's only my friend's lives. I know....how much can you ask for in ordinary people's lives? Maybe because my life is the same almost everyday thus I want to see new stuff from other people's lives? or maybe I am just too nosy and too hard to satisfy? :p

I have noticed that I want to read some good Chinese novels really bad. My reading speed seemed to slow down a lot when I am reading Chinese. (not like my Eng ability is improving or anything either...:p) Maybe it's just because I don't have much time separated for reading nowadays except my morning devotions.....maybe it's because the stuff I am reading does not flow that well....maybe I am just losing my reading ability or maybe I am just missing my good old reading days with a cup of coffee at hand and beautiful lake right next to me....

I have noticed that I want to play some piano on a nice grand piano....(and I prefer it not to be Yamaha piano....their sound suck...) Playing some Chopin on a Kawaii grand piano would be kinda nice right now. I am tired of teaching students who cannot even get the right notes and have to stop more than 10 times through a simple piece. Some people are really made to just listen to music but not play it. I think it is good enough to teach them how to appreciate music and not attempt to ruin music. For some reason practicing piano can usually take some stress out of me since I was younger. I wonder why practicing violin does not do as much for me.....

I have noticed that I look at people's lips and shape of mouth a lot nowadays. I used to only look at eyes when I see or meet someone new. I wonder why the change?....maybe it's because that I realized it's hard to find beautiful eyes anyway...so now I look at lips and shape of mouth to tell what kinda personality people have when they speak? I noticed how Jean talks like A-Ya when I was watching Kang-Xi last night, and I noticed the K soap actress has lips that a friend of mine has....Weird....

I have noticed that I am writing about weird stuff again.....at least people who try to read my blog would be entertained and stay less bored. I know....I am still bitter about not getting updates from various blogs....hahahahaha.....

No relations whatsoever in stuff I write...

I was sleeping like a fish lying on a frying pan last night (while the fish was still alive). I must of turned back and forth for at least 30 + times throughout the night, and every time I turned I wondered if I was gonna wake Billy up. He seemed to cope with my aerobics quite well since his snoring didn't stop much. My head hurts and my lower back keeps on feeling sore....all I can say is that being female really sucks at times....

Hades is also terribly tired now cuz he couldn't really sleep right when I was not sleeping right. He was walking around scratching stuff at least three times during the night, and since I woke up early he didn't get his make up sleep this morning either. I guess that is why he is lying on the floor of our living room with 3/4 of his eyes closed and 1/4 of his eyes trying to check out what I am doing....

I have been reading Joelle's blogs ever since she started writing a new one at China. It gets really hard to imagine what kinda life she is having there. While it's interesting to read how diff. her life is over there, I still wish she can have a more comfortable environment too. I have also read a lot of blogs by my elementary classmate Jing-Ting, and envy her for her one-year new life in Japan. Everything just seems so interesting and inspiring even though she only writes about everyday life and nothing is all that dramatic.

Maybe I am still a Japanese-product fan without myself knowing it (or I know but I don't want to admit). Japanese culture is really a myth to me, and that is probably why I enjoy knowing it more even though I don't like it. Regarding "Chinese" culture....I guess I am more interested in how to break away from the meaningless traditions rather than trying to know more about everything. Kinda pathetic I know...oh well...maybe Joelle's experiences there would really be beneficial to her in the future when she writes more songs? :) I know it's always easier to say when we are not actually living there. :p

The waiting process

Working on songs is really an annoying process when waiting and thinking back and forth is involved. It's hard to bump into something good to start with (that is when waiting is involved...), and then whatever good thing you bump into is usually not perfect yet either on the melody or the lyrics. (nothing is ever perfect, right? believe me it's not perfect even after work is done on it...) After cleaning up of the song is done, then sometimes you don't get to find the right arranger or the right singer, or the right whatever....just so many things that can go wrong in the process.

I was working on Cindy's song with Jay this morning, and modification on the lyrics by Jay really didn't impress me much. I do understand it's not that easy to do something based on a set form and everything, but then not seeing anything as "sparkling" just disappoints. It's also frustrating to be a person who can tell the quality of work but not able to deliver the work. For some reason I just have the resistance to write lyrics myself. I would not want to write something that I don't mean to say....oh well...

Jay was making a point saying everyone can be an artist nowadays, but I don't know if I would agree with that. (Oh he said he can be an artist in TW if he wants to....but I don't think everything is all about "wanting" to be or not...) There are certain people who I think I would sign if I own a record company, and there are some who I would choose not to work with even when they think they are all that. Apparently we evaluate people diff. cuz we see diff. aspects of things, and we all have diff. opinions on what matters the most in stuff we do. Having said that....Will I sign Jay as an artist if I have the budget? hum...take a guess...

Anyway...I guess Cindy's song will continue to be a headache till we finish recording it on Sat. I asked Pauline to take a look of the lyrics and see what she can come up with on top of the adjustment Jay had already made. I guess group effort would make it fun, but I am also lucky to have some friends who would not mind helping out with stuff already being contemplated... I think I should pull out one of Pauline's songs that we tried to work on before...but then the music was more meant for kids...oh well...someday...

Another issue I have to solve is who to throw Howard's song to for arrangement...I am quite worried about a simple piano arrangement since we haven't done anything that drastically simple yet....It's very difficult to make things minimum and still sound good....Hopefully the arranger I decide on will be able to help us...sighs...

Arhhhhh.....I hate it when I start to do productions...things keep on spinning in my head....I wonder how I can like and dislike the same thing at the same time and yet survive with it. I guess this is when my multi-personalities become handy huh? sighs....

Weekends are always too short....

Weekend kinda passed without warning....everything went by fast even though it's not like we did tons of stuff....We treated Louie and his mom for lunch cuz last Wed was Louie's BD and I prefer seeing his mom more than his girl really. (Didn't get to talk to him much about anything cuz his mom was around). Billy thinks that I should ask how his relationship is really going and give some honest opinions....(but the thing is...nobody seems to listen to me regarding relationships anyway...) I just kinda get tired of how people enjoy being in messed up situations (or they just kinda ignore the messed up situation) after a while....

Jack accidentally sent me a message asking what I was eating for lunch...and we kinda started chatting again. I don't remember when was the last time we talked, but it sure felt a little bit weird when he was updating everything with his family members and friends to me. I guess now I just don't know why I should be listening to all those. I think I am way past the "getting calls from Jack everyday or even few times a day" era. Sometimes when things pass it's very hard to pick up again. Billy also thinks I should give honest opinions to whatever messed up situations there are in Jack's life or lives of whoever around him....but I don't think I should really....not getting involved there would probably be a better idea....

I had very strange dreams Sun morning before I woke up. Diff. people in life all appeared in one dream. I think the chat with Jack kinda did that. It's quite amazing how much one can forget or remember in a blimp of time.....Sunday service was quite emotionally stressful, in a good way.... It's hard to not get touched every time BeBe comes to lead worships, especially when the sermon is good. Pastor Jim was talking about the dark side of mother Teresa which Billy told me about on Fri night already. It's funny how everything kinda gets overlapped in the daily devotions we read, the news we see, the stuff we hear, etc... I guess God may be trying to rebuild my faith slowly or something. There are just too much to fix in life...all over the places...my dreams, my thinkings, my surroundings, my work, my songs, my friends...don't know...EVERYTHING....

Billy is once again sitting next to me playing the guitar and singing...Hades of course ran away from his tree house cuz guitar was played too close to him. This cat really prefers violin much more than guitar. I think Billy is more fit to be a musician than I am if he is given the same amount of talent in music....(or maybe just the training and environment since his musical talent does not seem to be all that shabby). Oh well......not being a musician is probably a better thing for a guy anyway....

It's almost 11 and weekend is almost over....I am already thinking how my weekend is only going to be one day for coming week due to recording session on Sat. How pathetic it is to think that much ahead of time...right...tell me planning ahead is not good...ha ha ha .... :p

It's amazing how time goes fast when you are absolutely doing nothing....

Woke up early again this morning. I think Fridays may just not be a good day for me to sleep in. I drank my coffee and read my daily devotion, and didn't feel like doing anything afterwards. I ended up driving around and walking around for few hours with lunch at home in between my aimless roaming around....Really didn't accomplish much but I guess walking is good exercise anyway.

I was browsing on the internet bookstore at TW for a long time last night and also this afternoon. It's been forever since I last bought books from TW, and there are just so many new books I would like to read if I get a chance. Annie will probably be able to bring me some books back since she is not gonna bring much stuff back from TW. I can't wait to read some of the novels I want to buy.

I also bumped into some blogs writers in TW established. I guess a lot of authors in TW are into writing their books or articles on blogs. It's quite fun to see how many people actually interact with writers through blogs. World wide web is really an amazing thing if you think about how much info is being passed through it.

When I got a call from Billy it was already close to 7 pm. I really didn't do much at all other than vacuuming the carpet, taking a hot bath, and notating Cindy's song down on my notebook. I know I should type both Cindy and Howard's songs out, but I am just not up to it. Am I just in one of my lazy modes now? cuz Aug is almost over and my students will be all back by Sep?....hum....I wonder....trying to avoid facing the reality I think....cuz good life is gonna vanish pretty soon....sighs....

When will I see you again?

I have accidentally bumped into some elementary classmates' blogs recently. It's funny how most of our classmates are heading very diff. directions in life. I 1st started reading Scott's blog, who opened a cafe in Taichung after he graduated with his MBA degree from NY. His blog was only alright cuz I kinda knew what he was doing before I read it, but then the pictures with him traveling through various countries was quite fascinating.

2nd I looked at some pictures of Pei-Lun here and there whenever she sends a link or updates her photos on facebook. After she graduates from Columbia, she is now traveling between Dubi and NY quite often (cuz her work from this achitecture firm at NY requires her to do a project at Dubi). That is really a weird place to be for an Asian I thought. Our polite classmate Mr. Kao is now living at Arizona with his training program. I guess we have two classmates who live in desert now? hahahaha.....

Jing-Ting came to visit me at LA last year after she decided to quit her engineering job at Panasonic....that kinda inspired me to quit my pointless and direction-less job at the time as well. She decided to take a year to live in Japan and study the language. She even started a blog describing her life there for the past few months. Living at a brand new country is sure interesting enough to read.

From Jing-Ting's site I got linked to Jing-Wei's blog.....Jing Wei was supposed to come to my wedding but then canceled the plan to go back to TW for a while. She now lives at Vegas cuz she got married to someone who works there. It's amazing how a person who went to China to study (cuz of her family...they run a business in China I think) would end up living in a city about 4 hours away from me. (Oh...yeah....desert again....what the....) Maybe I should really drop by and say hi to her sometime if I go to Vegas again. Don't even remember when was the last time I saw her even though I see her updated photos here and there through our class network.

Few days ago I got this short e-mail from Hu ga....who is preparing to get his license as a doctor in China. (I also have no idea why he would choose to go to medical school there in China....everyone is going to China nowadays since it's where the money is....) He looks quite diff. with the photo he sent me (much much better indeed), and the girl he married to looks like another elementary classmate of ours....kinda amusing...:p I am pretty sure I won't get to meet them any time soon if he stays in China and I stay in LA....but who knows.....

There are others to list of course...but this blog is already getting too long. Recently Joelle moved to China, Dorcas is heading back to HK, and Daniel is also leaving in Sep. I don't know if Jacob will leave end of this year as well, but surely I am saying bye to a lot of people in a short period of time. Have you ever wonder when is the next time that you get to see a certain person again? It may be days, weeks, months, years....or you may never see them again once you say bye. Isn't that just too profound to think about?

The blender.....

This is the blender/food processor that we got from wedding registry. I think it probably arrived back in May or something, and I never opened it. It sure shows you how much interest I have toward food that needs processing.....

I opened the box and took out the blender this morning cuz I thought I should start drinking some fresh juice. I am usually too lazy to eat fruits and occasionally have constipation thus I thought drinking juice would help. I made a smoothie with an apple, some carrots, and some celery.....and.....the smoothie turned out to be not too smooth....

I also thought the portion is too much for one person to drink....next time I should make Billy drink with me. I am not too sure drinking this is good for me though cuz I keep on feeling cold after I finished it. Maybe it would work better for Billy who is always feeling hot..hehehehe.....Anyway.....there is this booklet with some recipe included with the machine. I shall take a look into that when I am really bored so the processor can save me some time cutting stuff :p

Hades has been acting weird....

Our cat Hades has been acting weird recently. He stopped coming into our bedroom when we try to sleep at night, and only comes to sleep on his own pillow in the middle of night. This morning I noticed he wasn't on his pillow and apparently he decided to sleep outside in the living room last night. He is also not eating his normal portion of food and not going to his restroom regularly. I wonder what is going on with him....

Hades is really a weird cat cuz often times his mood reflects my mood. When I am not feeling so uplifted he would go into the "biting" mode and hurt himself somehow. I noticed that he started licking his right hand chest again this morning cuz some of his fur was all tangled together by small amount of blood. I washed him and then now he is staring at me in the room, not willing to come out to eat his lunch.

I don't think I am in a bad mood recently, but then I don't know what I am feeling subconsciously either...( cuz I have been having some nightmares and weird dreams for a while). Maybe Hades knows more than I do? or maybe he is just terribly annoyed that we have been eating a lot of chicken and never shared with him even when he looked at us with his begging Antonio Benderas eyes?

Weekend is all about eating....

Weekend started with a Diana Krall concert on Fri. night. Charlene was saying it's been a month since they last saw us at the wedding, and I just found out it was the same for everyone at the concert. Last time I had a real hang out with Josh was long time ago though. I guess life really leads friends into diff. directions when everyone gets older....

Sat we had a dinner intending to send off Dorcas (leaving end of Aug back to HK) and Daniel (leaving end of Sep). It's a really weird feeling eating with them since we used to only meet in Asia like this. It's also been a long time since I was able to fly back to Asia. I wonder when will I be able to see the rest of the gang from Asia. Maybe they will all visit LA sometime in the future? Who knows....life is unpredictable....

It turned out that we may still see Daniel a few times before he heads back to SG. Irene also wanted to hang out with us since they met at the wedding too. Irene is gonna have a surgery soon too. I hope everything will go smooth with her surgery....health problems is such a killer man....unpredictable too....I admire her for being so strong going through all these in her life....

Sun we had yet another dinner cuz Billy's cousin and her family are heading back to TW today. So I guess weekends mean endless eating....I usually get around 2-3 lbs during weekend and have to control my diet during the weekdays. I wonder what else people can do to get together other than using so much energy around foods.

Uncertainties in life....

Went to get a song from Howard last night. The process took longer than expected (since Howard does not know how to notate stuff so I had to listen to three songs, pick one, and then notate it out). I am planning to find an arranger who can do a simple piano arrangement on the song, but not really sure who to ask 1st. The song's register is also kinda high, and I have no idea who I can ask to sing it....oh well....too many uncertainties when it comes to productions...

Went to eat lunch with Annie today cuz she is leaving in the afternoon (heading back to TW). She got a new guy in TW now and wants to check him out on this trip. I have no idea how the whole thing is gonna go cuz she is kinda in the relationship already. I guess nobody would be able to tell how a relationship would go when you are not even spending time with the guy in person. In that sense nobody can really say anything about everything. Too many uncertainties when it comes to relationships....

I tried to record something from TV on the computer yesterday. The time I set to record was about 4 hours, and the computer only recorded about one and half hour. I had no idea why the computer short recorded what I want, but it has been having its own temper when it records recently. I guess there are also uncertainties when it comes to working with electronics.

So life is full of uncertainties....maybe that is why life can stay interesting in a way. It may also get really annoying and tiring when we are not sure about everything....and that is why we need to find a balance somehow....

Why the heck can't the bleeding stop?

Well....as the title indicates.....bleeding due to my wisdom tooth extraction is not stopped yet and it's already 5 hours after the procedure....that really sucks cuz I kinda mumbled through the lesson. I decided to get home after teaching since the bleeding is kinda annoying me and I don't want to walk around with a gauze in my mouth.

I was reading Nancy's blog and then took a look to Sherry's blog since the link was there. I found this test (I love taking psychological tests....that is kinda sick maybe...) http://www.bbc.co.uk/science/humanbody/mind/surveys/whatamilike
and the result says I am a Strategist. I wonder if that is why I enjoy doing production cuz it takes long term planning and abstract thinking. oh....and also...I don't seem to care too much about how people around me feel...kinda interesting....Here is the result if you are interested to know....

Summary of Strategists

• Quiet, easy-going and intellectually curious
• Use logical, objective thinking to find original solutions to problems
• Think of themselves as bright, logical and individualistic
• May be impractical, forgetting practical issues, such as paying bills or doing the shopping

More about Strategists

Strategists are quiet people who like to get to the heart of tough problems on their own and come up with innovative solutions. They analyse situations with a sceptical eye and develop ways of measuring everything, including themselves.

Strategists are the group most likely to say they are unhappy in their job, according to a UK survey.

Strategists are generally easy-going. They are intellectually curious and enjoy abstract ideas. Sometimes they like thinking of a solution to a problem more than taking practical steps to solve it.

In situations where they can't use their talents, are unappreciated, or not taken seriously, Strategists may become negatively critical or sarcastic. Under extreme stress, Strategists could be prone to inappropriate, tearful or angry outbursts.

Strategists may be insensitive to the emotional needs of others or how their behaviour impacts the people around them.

Strategist Careers

Strategists are often drawn to technical or scientific careers, where specialist knowledge is required. They also seem to enjoy jobs that involve long-term planning, abstract thinking or design.

Just a note....

Just want to make a note about my gum still bleeding after few hours...I wonder why my wounds usually heal very slowly nowadays....I hope it will stop bleeding after I teach....hum....

My dental visits....

Just got yet another dental visit over with this morning. I got one wisdom tooth pulled out which I was supposed to do 10 years ago. My dentist also tried to quickly fix another tooth (which has a big cavity) + wash the lower right hand half of my teeth while my anesthetic was still working. I actually had three shots of anesthetic to pull out my wisdom tooth which is still keeping my face and mouth numb even down to the chin right now. I am starting to suspect the dentist wants me to go back and visit him often that is why he is trying to keep things as painless as possible.

Anyway....the tooth he pulled out was huge. I was thinking about taking it home as a souvenir since it looked pretty cool with the cavity on it too. (but then I didn't do it since it also looked kinda disgusting....) My dentist was again chatting with me about music for the whole time while I couldn't talk right. I kinda wanted to suggest him that he shouldn't be a dentist but a musician if he is that crazy about classical music.....(but of course he knew better not to become a starving musician anyway.)

My next visit to the clinic will be two weeks from now if no space opens up for coming week. I have to pull out another tooth and then probably get a crown procedure done with the cavity tooth he tried to fix today. Well....at least now I know the tooth extraction wasn't all that bad with anesthetic. I just hope I won't be all blurry when I talk to my student this afternoon...

What's up with it?

Recently I have been wondering about why about 95 % of the girls on this planet wants to get married. I have friends around my age always saying they want to be married ASAP. I have friends who are younger than me always wanting to get some kinda relationship just so they can feel better in life. I wonder if being in a relationship gives people more self worthiness for whatever reason....

The truth is....I have seen plenty of people jumping into relationships (which would not work out at the end) just because they wanted one so bad. I have seen people getting married just because the "age" issue is a big concern. I don't understand why people have to get married when they are young...when they don't really know what they want. (Is it just to show that you are one of those "normal" people if you obtain your correct marital status at a certain age range?) I don't understand why people hurry to get married cuz they are old...when they really don't have too many choices left. (Is it just to get out of the "abnormal" group who don't get married at the right age?)

I guess ignoring certain issues also makes it hard for a relationship or marriage to work at the end. When people want to have a BF/GF so bad, they just try to brain wash themselves that everything will be "workable" throughout the process. Unfortunately, most issues which exist today will always exist...(come on....everyone took 20-30 + years to develop their personality and traits...and everything they have....) and don't you evaluate yourself too high either....cuz there are limitations to everything. (There is limitation to patience especially.) People eventually get tired of finding and fixing problems.

Don't get me wrong here....I am not saying this life should be problem free. We all know it's impossible. I just don't think we should look for more troubles than we can handle (definitely not to dive into the ocean of troubles and then later on shout for people to help you out)... People should not want a relationship to prove themselves hot cuz somebody likes them. (The fact is...when you are not hot....you are really not...Some people may not want hot people to start with, so why bother? All the "fixing" oneself so people would fall for you would have to sustain through life, or else the other person in the relationship will eventually find out someday. Isn't it just too difficult to pretend for life?)

Why did I start talking about all these? Well I guess people's relationship issues are annoying me again. Sometimes you see people making obvious dumb choices but then it's really not our position to comment....(Who would want to admit they are dumb anyway? on top of that you know they would not listen anyway)....It just makes me wonder what people are looking for in life. (Of course there are still girls like me and Joelle who are not into marriage to start with....but then I am now married and she probably will be soon too....so who are we to speak anyway?) So what can I do when people want to talk about relationships but don't want to listen? I just watch things fall apart and wish them the best....and at the end write stuff on the blog trying to vent it out....This is kinda dumb too huh? hahahahaha

TW reporters....

I have been watching some TW news on the TV recently. What perplexes me is how the reports can't even talk right when they report news. All I hear is "ah, la, oh, eh, etc." at end of their sentences. A lot of times you can also hear the reporters making some really dumb comments while they are only supposed to describe what happened, not giving their personal opinions.

I used to think reporters have to pronounce everything clearly and be able to present themselves in a professional way. I guess that is no longer true when everyone started to think the "faces" are more imp. Increased number of channels in TW also did not improve the quality of reporters and the news. It became easier and easier to obtain the position, and now you don't even have look all that good.

I guess quality really suffers when people are trying to mass produce just about anything. Nowadays it only takes 18 points on the tests to get into college in TW. It is apparent that even education is being mass produced in TW. There are so many crappy universities and everyone can get into some sort of university if you don't care which school you are attending. Undergraduate degree obtained from TW is really worthless now.

Just thought it's kinda sad people don't look for quality and excellence nowadays, but profit and fame.

Various styles.....

Tried to do some laundry this morning cuz I woke up earlier than usual. All the machines were taken in our building so I went to the Atlantic building instead. I bumped into our manager Santiego again when I was trying to put the clothes in the dryer, and of course he started chatting with me again.

He started by asking me how is church, and then asked if my husband goes to the same church with me. It just seems very interesting that he remembers everything we ever chatted cuz I remember him never getting whatever Katty told him about....So as a minister he thinks that if the husband and wife go to diff. churches then it means trouble....and then he told me about how much trouble he went through when he was still a catholic while his wife was Christian until someday the Holy Spirit opened his eyes and talked to him....

I just thought that was an interesting encounter to talk with an apartment manager on religious matters while I was trying to do my laundry. He even told me that pastor Jim's sermons are TV broad casted Sat mornings around 9:30. I guess he knows all the info related to his profession. :)

Nancy gave me her blog to look at pictures of a fancy wedding her friend just had. I ended up reading her blog more than looking at the wedding photos. (cuz I am really not that into weddings plus I didn't see any good looking people....hehehe...The wedding looked very expensive though...hahaha) Nancy started a very interesting blog by inviting whoever reading to participate by writing a sentence with given pieces. It's a way for friends of hers to know her more and get known at the same time.

I have noticed that everyone really writes in diff. styles and with diff. purposes in mind. Some people write just for the heck of writing. Some people write cuz they need to record themselves before they forget quickly (that is in my case of course). Some people write to hope whoever is reading gets what they are really thinking and hoping at heart cuz they dare not communicate those in person. Some people write to share their lives and stay in touch with friends (I think that is Nancy's case). It's just amazing how we are all diff.

I enjoy reading from diff. people when there are always new discoveries. This blog development has really brought new ways of communication in this modern era.

Weekend was kinda interesting.....

This weekend kinda went by fast. We saw three movies, one in the theater and two at home. The one movie we saw in the Theater (Ratatouille) was not bad, but the other two we saw at home (Norbit + The Fountain) kinda sucked. The bad movies made me wonder how many people are involved in bad production all together (music, movies, all medias....) I mean....it's still a lot of money involved even when the movies suck....what a waste....(That is from a producer's point of view of course...)

We also went to see a basketball game tonight. Billy got tickets from this manager guy at Boeing. We went to watch Sparks (The female Laker team kinda) playing with Lynx. The game itself wasn't all that interesting, but to watch the game from a company suite was kinda cool I thought. The stereo system was terrible and the band which played during breaks sucked...but oh well...who cares when the experience is new and cool? Oh....and food there was extremely expensive and unhealthy...ha ha ha...

We tried to go up to mt. Wilson for meteoroid shower after the game. We drove half way up and found that many people were also going up to watch the shower. The sky wasn't all that clear and the light from the city was kinda bright even though we were up in the mountains. I think last time we were up there was around one year ago....which was kinda cool I thought...(at least this time I didn't have to consistently worry about conversations going to dead ends. I could actually enjoy the silence.....quite amazing...)

So....We saw 4 meteoroids total. It wasn't all that impressive at all, but on the way home we were able to get our new car to reach 28.2 mpg (cuz we were going down hills). I know...very boring game to play...but I guess sometimes we need to get fun out of stupid little things in life. I have also contacted my singer Cindy, studio owner Samuel, and lyricist Jay to work toward a recording session on the 1st of Sep. I hope life will really start to get more interesting now that everything is slowly rolling. I am just really trying to find fun in life so at least I enjoy bits and pieces of my new life.....

Day gets long....

Time goes really slow and day gets long when there is nothing to do. I finally have my 1st nothing-to-do Friday in a long while, and things didn't exactly go as I planned. 1st I was kinda waken by hubby this morning when he was watching TV. I thought....oh well....I would just wake up and do my morning devotions + spend some time with Hades in the morning.

After I did my morning devotion, Hades was already back to sleep. (So much for spending time with him...) I had nothing to do so I tried to shop at Nordstrom Rack and found nothing I wanted to buy. I got home and patiently waited for Miss Annie cuz she wanted to hang out for the afternoon. She called me after 12 and told me she was just coming back from Riverside, and it will take 1 hour to get back. Knowing her (not exactly accurate with time), I checked on her a little bit after 1 and was informed they just finished eating and would come to my place right away....

By 1:45 I was smart enough to guess I had no luck getting any time promises delivered. I left her a message (of course she never listened) and wen to get some stuff from Target. She then called a little before 2:30 saying she didn't hear no call....oh well....what are phones for? decorations nowadays? So...I spent my morning and half of my afternoon waiting for nothing to happen. I lost my interest of shopping or doing what so ever all together, for my 1st free Friday in a while....

What does this story tell us? 1. History repeats itself. What happened before would usually happen again in life. If people don't learn....they just don't.... 2. Planning for things to happen, or for things to run on time....only happens when you are lucky. Does it matter to keep promises and run things as planned? oh well....it depends....our priorities are usually not the same as other people's. 3. Is it worth it to get annoyed about life and time wasted by other people? well...you can get annoyed...but it's usually not worth it...cuz you will be the only person being bumped anyway....4. Am I angry about this wasted Friday so far? I don't know...I think I might just not sleep enough and should of sleep in....(to be an uplifting mood I mean...) Gonna go out and walk around now cuz life is how you want to make it....I am not gonna let my shopping plans get affected even though I may buy nothing at the end. I will at least be driving my new babe and digesting better.....:p

Maybe they are really working hard?

Just finished teaching Gloria this morning and she is going back to TW next week too. It's funny how all my students are disappearing in Aug, but then I guess it makes sense too since they are only free during this time when summer school is over. She is also going to pull out all her wisdom teeth, which I can totally relate to since doing that here in LA would be so much more expensive....

My students had been behaving really well for the entire week. I wonder if it's because they have nothing to do than to practice or that I am just having better mood cuz I don't have to teach that much. Tiffany recorded her contemporary piece two days ago, and even though it's not up to my standard yet it's already better than some Cal state Long level. I only wish her GPA at school is better so that wouldn't affect her college application stuff in less than 2 years.

I guess some kids can really show some improvements after their teacher nag at them relentlessly. I have also noticed the kids like to leave me messages on facebook. I get cracked up about how we keep in touch with schedules this way. They even leave me dumb messages when they travel aboard. I can't blame them for doing that though....I mean...who wouldn't want to keep in touch with a "ku" teacher like me who knows all the gadgets they play and everything they do nowadays? :p

Dental visit yet again...

I had a dental appointment again this morning, and it totally proved something----stress can kill you... I guess no matter how much I don't want to think about it (or how much I tell myself there is gonna be no pain..everything is gonna be smooth.....etc), my personality is that I get stressed over stuff I hate no matter how small a thing it may seem to other people.

I was not able to sleep right last night even though I know the only thing I had to do this morning is to put the real crown on my tooth. I was turning left and right on the bed through the whole night, and Hades biting his foot last night didn't really help much. I don't know what is causing Hades to bite his foot again, but maybe he could sense my stress somehow. I felt terribly tired this morning when I "tried" to wake up. It felt like I was having a hang over....

Anyway.....the dental visit this morning was really nothing compared to previous times. I was only there for one hour and the only painful part happened when they were scratching the cement off my gum. (I would say the dental assistant wasn't all that smooth doing it.) My next apt next Thurs will be a killer though. I am supposed to have one of my wisdom teeth pulled out in the morning and then teach in the afternoon....oh well....dental visits suck.

We had dinner with Theo, Dorcas, Jacob and Chih-Lin last night. I don't remember when was the last time we were able to get together like this. I was quite surprised to find out Theo went back to TW three years ago, when it was the last time I went back to TW too. Time surely passes fast. I still remember how we went to visit Ho-Ching in Hua-Lien together....and now she is dead!!!! Man....the good old times...

Dorcas also went back to HK for two years already. It really does not feel like it since we still keep in touch and look at each other's photos whenever links are sent. It was also funny that Chih-Lin didn't even know Dorcas does not live in LA any more....I guess everyone lives a diff. life now. Chih-Lin is all crazy about working and making money. Jacob does not know where to go yet. Dorcas is heading back to HK end of Aug. Theo is trying to make his debut album in TW.... and I am just doing what I hate the most...teaching....Isn't life just interesting?

I think I really really miss our younger days when we used to tour and fool around together. I guess at that time we didn't worry about what we need to achieve in life but we sure had passion. Passion without the right planning and opportunities really does not happen in reality I guess. Oh well....who knows what will happen in another 5 or 10 years? perhaps all of them will be very successful next time I see them.

Compromises can be deadly ?!!!!

I was reading "Judges" for my daily devotion today.....and in the reading the Israelites were not too careful with their boundaries with the Canaanites. God told them to "completely" force out those Canaanites but the Israelites thought they were harmless so the Canaanites were kept around where the Israelites lived. Since the Canaanites were not completely forced out at the beginning, later they began to affect Israelites' descendants and corrupted their lives in every way. At the end, the later generation from Joshua's time did not even listen to God cuz they didn't really know God, thanks to all the messed up religions they learned from the Canaanites.

The reading really made me wonder how tough it must be to survive on this planet earth nowadays. Everybody is always thinking or talking about how to "compromise" on certain things cuz we want to please people. We sure know how wrong some things are, but then we compromise hoping someday things would just turn right....(by the miracle of God even). I have been always struggling with that kinda attitude I see from people. I especially hate it when people put "by the grace of God....we will be alright, and everything will be possible" on their mouth all the time, cuz I just don't see how people's failures by their own decisions can magnify God's grace. (I guess that is why I like Paul's character?)

Setting boundaries in life is all difficult nowadays. People keep on talking about EQ and how we should give in to this and that as if pleasing the crowd is the most important thing in life ever. Don't get me wrong here.....I am not saying being a charming person is wrong....that is actually a good charisma if it's true from whoever showing the charm....but faking it....to obtain popularity....is...just....LAME. (Yeah....I have my way of manipulating people....and I fake all the time....that is why I hate the technique myself....very contradictory I know) Of course going out there saying "I just can't deal with people....that is my musician's trait....I only know my art...." without knowing everyone around feel used is also super lame....(yeah....most people reading my blog would know who I am talking about so I don't need to write it out. :p )

So you see how it is annoying that everything needs to be altered and compromised somehow? and then at the end.....we are not even sure which compromises would eventually kill us. I am sure the Israelites felt they were being merciful by not harming their enemies, but then God didn't think so. Of course we can always say they didn't really know what was from God and what was not...they didn't know better....they didn't hear God clearly so they make wrong decisions....but heck....God was basically there talking to them most of the time....(if not each individual person, at least their leaders....but then what if their leaders sucked and could not execute whatever God wanted them to do? yeah....bumped....)

Ok....I know....I am weird...I think too much.....but then isn't that how we feel alive? I think therefor I am? or I am therefor I think? or.....let's not think at all.....just follow the flow....so at the end we compromise into everything just because life is the way it is? Chih-Lin was telling me last night if we don't look too much into anything in life then we will just live through everyday fine....(right....like overlooking dangers in marriage would eventually destroy the marriage? tell me how it works, plz?) and can someone tell me what is the meaning of life and living anyway?

Just throwing bunch of questions cuz I haven't write a weird blog for a long time....maybe this can entertain Joelle when she reads my blog after she arrives in Asia....I am gonna miss you pal....

Transformers.....

Had another fight few nights ago. All I can say is life gets more complicated when people want to get involved in others' lives without being invited to do so. It's hard to concentrate on what we really want in lives nowadays since everything gets in the way. Life just sucks at times...what can I say? It's just life...

Pastor Jim was away so pastor Dawn was speaking this morning. It's interesting how I normally don't get interested when she talks, but usually get touched every time she gives a sermon. She was talking about how we need to have 1. passion 2. authenticity in life, and need to be "planted" in life as well.

I have been having hard time being passionate in anything other than my cat, and I find it rare to meet authentic people or even be one myself. This world needs so much faking so that everyone can pretend to make others happy. To be planted is especially difficult for me since I don't feel any places really my home. (That is technically right since this world is not our home.) I know seeking after those three things will really be a tough lesson for me... Nevertheless I was still touched by her sermon for whatever reason...weird I know... I guess it's always encouraging to see passionate people being planted at one place for their lives. It just means they are willing to devote themselves to certain things even if the progress may not be all that significant to other's eyes....yeah....persistent people get me somehow....

We went to watch "Transformers" tonight. It was quite amazing to see how the used to be cartoon turned into this movie with all the fascinating computer effects. The robots looked so great it made me want to drive a car like those transformers too. I guess we are lucky to have a car which talks, but it sure would be awesome to have a car which can turn into handsome looking robot too. I know....human beings are greedy....nothing is ever enough....

I have to admit I didn't expect to get too much out of the movie. I went just because Billy wanted to see it. I actually got a kick out of the movie....and that really reminded me how I was always more into the guy stuff and high tech gadgets than stupid boring girly toys and Barbie. I guess given Lego and computer to play with when I was a kid probably helped me to appreciate gadgets more than normal girls. Unfortunately it costs more money to satisfy my appetite on new toys too. Oh well....

I have finally updated all the wedding photos. I guess the next thing to think about would be at least write some stuff about the day instead of being annoyed of the days ever after. We will see about that.....

Skinny Bitch?

I was watching TV today and ran into that stupid Akai Rice commercial again. I was so entertained by that freaking ugly host Jackson cuz he was telling people how to turn themselves from "o-ba-san" into "skinny bitch.....Right....nowadays they are so desperate to sell their product they think being a bitch is probably a good thing....dang....I wonder who wrote that commercial script....so CREATIVE.....man....

I wonder why people just find all kinds of excuses for their own decisions/actions...

I was reading Billy's blog today and it kinda got me into some deep thinking without me really wanting to do it (after all my dreams and nightmares my brain just kinda feels exhausted). He was talking about how Issac and Rebbecca got married, and used that as reference to our marriage...(which I am not sure if I fully appreciate....) Why am I having problems with this? well...here is the explanation....

1st of all....I don't like the name Rebbecca....ok...I know that is a lame reason, and I can't help it. Let me give you a better reason now....I also don't like Issac's personality. I guess I don't like his personality because he doesn't really have a personality. You can call that obedience if you want, but I call it not able to take his own responsibilities in life. He was also lame in a way that he was not able to protect his own wife and had to lie about who she was cuz he was afraid of his own safety. Guys who cannot decide what they want or protect their families really get on my nerves I tell you.

It almost feels like Issac has his whole life planned by other people. 1st he was not able to even pick his own wife, and then later his wife was able to trick him into blessing their 2nd son. I know God is supposed to have plans for us, but does it sound right to always make "God" be the excuse for decisions we make and actions we take? What the heck is the point of God giving us free will really? (I know this free will and God's will thing would always be a paradox....but it just annoys me greatly when people just dump everything on God...)

Compared to Issac I think I can even say I like Jacob's personality more. He was trying to be sneaky, trying to grab on to things (including God's blessings), but at least you know what he did and he is more human like thus makes it easier for us to learn from. He went through tough times and yet still grabbed on to God, and I personally think that is something to admire. Issac...oh well...I don't think I have to go on saying anything about him.

So my dislike of Issac leads into more issues here. Billy's right that nobody wants to be any body's rebound....especially when the supposed "rebound" person dislikes the previous bf/gf a lot. I still remember when Billy 1st told me about how he was introduced to his previous gf....I was thinking....hum....if you do indeed go out with her later then that would show me what your taste is. (and I was not interested in him thus I was very amused by the idea and progress + very eager to see how everything would go for them.)

Very soon after Billy told me about his ex, almost everyone who knows her was talking about their relationship. The news probably spread out way before Billy was able to notice it. I was of course smart enough to stay as far as possible on this case cuz I think the news traveled globally right away. (I feel no need to get my butt kicked by someone who I disliked to start with...)I was also amused how Billy came to my uncle's wedding not knowing he was known to be the official boyfriend already by the time.

With all the gossips going on (and my network of people made it super easy for me to hear everything without wanting to), my dislike of that particular person, and Billy's close interaction with SOP.....you can just imagine how GREAT I felt when I got his e-mail proposing for us to give it a try with a relationship. Right....I was thinking....given enough information on your previous taste....am I supposed to feel good that you are pursuing me?

Interesting enough....Billy was even wondering if I liked him a lot that is why I said yes. Talking about being a rebound....I guess some people may not be aware when they are being rebounds. I guess what sucks even more is when the person trying to suggest for a relationship was not even sure what he wanted to do. To be honest, I still don't know if he really liked me at all or he just felt it was the right thing to do at the right time...( since he thought that was the only way to save me out of my visa misery and I seemed to be available at that point.)

I think the whole world (or people close enough in my world anyway) probably knows how I hate it when a guy trying to go after me cannot make me feel special and unique enough. I am not sure if my dear hubby knew or know about it even by now. I always feel it would make no difference to him even if he just picked someone form the street and things just "happen" to work out.... and that of course bothers me a great deal being competitive and insecure as I am. I never had to doubt if I was special enough for someone and now I am trapped in this feeling for the longest time.

So you see the issue is....I don't know if I was just spoiled by my previous guys always treating me like a queen....or it's just that I wasn't all that special to Billy anyway cuz the whole thing just came from God....and since everything kinda worked with his confirmations, he is safe feeling this is a good thing. It's just like I don't know if people should work so hard on the so called "commitment" instead of really feel loved and thus triggered to love the other person more. Should it really all be such a hard work? or maybe there is just something wrong with it?

Why should it even be work at all when "love" is supposed to conquer everything? I thought feelings are supposed to be nature? Are we trying to make everything just seem so technical nowadays? This morning I was reading how God wants us to think as well before we decide on things. I don't know how all these can work together if people can't really shout loudly "I did this because I freaking wanted to". Ah....everything so spiritual and fake nowadays....drives me nuts....I cracked up when Cindy wrote "I hope my e-mail does not annoy you. Did you read bible and pray today?". Is it even appropriate to mention that kinda thing hoping that would interfere other's decisions? Are we humans using those kinda "spiritual" excuses to really get what we want and cover up what we cannot take and bear?

I have been wondering about the issue of sex as well recently. Is it something that both people involved should enjoy? or is it just something that is done because it's a duty? a duty to make a kid so everyone would be happy about it? a duty to keep the other half happy? or a duty to make it easier for the other person to sleep like it's in my case? Why do people do things when they don't really "feel" like doing it? Why do people always need to find all sorts of excuses for actions they take? Is it because not taking up responsibilities of our own actions truly is a easier way out of things?

Hey there are things in life I don't like....and I don't mind showing you "I" am the person not liking the situations. If God knows everything that is in our heart, then I don't see a point not taking up responsibilities for our decisions.

Just can't stop dreaming....

Yes....I am dreaming again...more nightmares...it's kinda weird cuz it feels like I am trying to make up for all those years which I had absolutely no dreams at all. I woke up this morning feeling how fast my heart was pumping, and felt absolutely stupid because the reason my heart was racing is because I dreamed about teaching this stupid old lady violin.

This old lady in the dream was being absolutely dumb not getting the easiest stuff. That was really not the worst part cuz I can understand how slow old people can get when they learn new stuff. What annoyed me to death was her attitude....She was not following my instructions, and had this attitude showing she thinks she knows how to do everything.

So the question was....why would you want to take lessons with me if you know how to do everything and think you are already a pro? maybe instead you should just teach other people to do things your way and suck like you do? I know...I know....it's just a dream....but I think it reflects how much I hate people with certain age thinking they can just tell everyone around them that their ways are the best ways when apparently not exactly everything is working their way in their lives.

I think I had two other bad dreams which happened before and after this annoying teaching dream. Hades sleeps a lot these days...I wonder if he is having nightmares too?