I was talking to one of my students into dropping violin yesterday. This kid is like in 8th grade now, and takes piano, violin, art, composition, and all other classes at the same time. I actually like teaching this kid because she is smart, but then I really don't think she has what it takes to become a even half decent musician cuz you know she is just not born as one. We had fun talking about various things regarding music and productions, and I just told her it's more fun to enjoy music than making a living out of music. I told her she should really concentrate on other things in life unless you have the passion that you have to go on as a musician or else you would die.
It's funny she looked at me and said "you must have the passion then" and I just said "no....it was one way for me to get through a decent education without paying money or else I couldn't afford it.....but then yeah I enjoy it at times...but not most of the time....lol" I knew all along that I had the ability to do something else than music, but music was certainly a easy way to get scholarship while I steal some of the credits to learn other things I might have the chance to waste credits on. It's just too bad that now I am stuck with doing music most of my life, but at least I have what it takes to get through the school and everything...
My conversations with my student reminded me a lot of a piano teacher back in junior high. She used to tell me that I should just major in something else and do music as a hobby since I had the brain for other stuff. I just thought it was interesting for a piano teacher to say that, but then I guess she really inspired me to think about other options and to be honest I never thought I was really going to become a musician anyway. My piano teacher was very bright herself. She was in the best schools throughout her life, and got her master's from Indiana, married a doctor, had a life everyone envied for....After she gave birth to a son, they found out she had liver cancer and she passed away one year after I left TW. I didn't even have the chance to say goodbye.
Sad story I know....sometimes I just wonder what we are striving for in life. There can be so many diff. goals and then we don't get to finish them. There are so many things that people expect us to achieve and at the end we find out everything means nothing to us....and those things we achieve don't even guarantee us a good living or anything. Life is just so short to be only thinking about what we can do in 10 or 20 years. We may not even live that long to find out. We keep on waiting for opportunities to come our way so we get to do what we want. The truth is we keep on waiting because we are afraid that things may not turn out to be the way we want them to be.....
I was reading this new book that is written by some German people....discussing the philosophy of love, sex, and marriage and all that through human history and the diff points of views of philosophers. I got very amused when I was reading the views of Kierkegaard. He thinks that once people are in a marriage, they then begin to think this thing called marriage "belongs to me". Due to the sense of belonging, the embraces in marriage means so much more than sexual embraces. People then gain deeper significance on the subconsciousness, decisions, and attitudes. According to Kierkegaard, marriage is really a blessing from the heavens....so what amuses me that much? Well...the book says Kierkegaard, who said all that, chose to avoid marriage at the end....
Isn't life just funny? There are so much to be said....and not that many people can actually do them...No wonder pastor Jim said the actual doing is very crucial in our walk of what we believe....
Friday, August 1, 2008
Wednesday, July 30, 2008
Taking FOREVER.....
The endless soap opera from China is finally coming to an end I think. Even though I hated all the arguments and family issues presented in the whole thing, I have to say those China people are good at acting and very good at presenting everyday lives that just seems to be way too tedious to watch. To be honest, I think the worst actors are all from TW. We tend to have actors who are never really trained as actors. They act just to get publicities, and they act because of their looks.
I remember wondering why actors from China often seem to be mediocre looking when I was younger. Now I realize it's just a diff. way of training and a diff. way of treating "entertainment" in general. I think China is eventually gonna be affected by TW, Japan, Korea with all those good looking actors and actresses though.....since now they are open to all the outside informations thanks to internet. I am sure there are plenty of good looking guys and girls in China that they can pick from the crowd. I just hope they will still keep the level of acting up after everything gets improved a little on the looks.
Anyway....one thing I thought was inspiring was how this old guy in the soap was saying "Love with young people is really nothing to be mentioned about. You can only see true love after so many years of marriage. You can only tell how much two people are in love when they stick with each other to the end...." I have to say I can't agree more on that. Nobody would be able to tell till the end.....but then...Two people sticking together fighting all the time would not be the ideal situation for me either. I guess that is why I get annoyed watching this China soap...nagging...fighting...spoiling kids....kids talking back to parents....talking noisy....basically everything I hate in real life....
Oh well....I am still glad this soap opera is gonna end soon....hopefully within a week....lol...
I remember wondering why actors from China often seem to be mediocre looking when I was younger. Now I realize it's just a diff. way of training and a diff. way of treating "entertainment" in general. I think China is eventually gonna be affected by TW, Japan, Korea with all those good looking actors and actresses though.....since now they are open to all the outside informations thanks to internet. I am sure there are plenty of good looking guys and girls in China that they can pick from the crowd. I just hope they will still keep the level of acting up after everything gets improved a little on the looks.
Anyway....one thing I thought was inspiring was how this old guy in the soap was saying "Love with young people is really nothing to be mentioned about. You can only see true love after so many years of marriage. You can only tell how much two people are in love when they stick with each other to the end...." I have to say I can't agree more on that. Nobody would be able to tell till the end.....but then...Two people sticking together fighting all the time would not be the ideal situation for me either. I guess that is why I get annoyed watching this China soap...nagging...fighting...spoiling kids....kids talking back to parents....talking noisy....basically everything I hate in real life....
Oh well....I am still glad this soap opera is gonna end soon....hopefully within a week....lol...
Tuesday, July 29, 2008
Earthquake
Around 5 min ago the ground started shaking....Hades freaked out....and yeah we had an earthquake that everyone was anticipating for a long time...Jack was like "did you feel it? earthquake?" and then he found out it's 5.6 and started from Chino Hills. At the time I thought about getting out of the apt, but then saw how scared Hades was and decided to just pet him and stay. We are on third floor anyway....so the worst comes to it the whole building collapses and we can still be on the top of almost everything....
Last time there was a big earthquake in LA was back when I was still in college I think. Hades was deep asleep and he didn't even bother to wake up. Now he is really scared that he keeps on staring at the wall, and even his treats would not get him to move. Maybe he knew about it few days ago? since he started to act all weird and got easily scared for the past few days? People are saying there is supposed to be a bigger one that comes from another direction....but I guess this current one should help release some of the power? It's weird how people at San Diego felt it too since with the number doesn't seem that big....Well...my coffee was all spilled out and I didn't even notice it...so....who am I to say?
The earthquake kinda got me thinking how horrible it must have been when TW had that 921 thing. I guess there are just so many natural disasters we humans cannot prevent. Hopefully not much was damaged this round....
Last time there was a big earthquake in LA was back when I was still in college I think. Hades was deep asleep and he didn't even bother to wake up. Now he is really scared that he keeps on staring at the wall, and even his treats would not get him to move. Maybe he knew about it few days ago? since he started to act all weird and got easily scared for the past few days? People are saying there is supposed to be a bigger one that comes from another direction....but I guess this current one should help release some of the power? It's weird how people at San Diego felt it too since with the number doesn't seem that big....Well...my coffee was all spilled out and I didn't even notice it...so....who am I to say?
The earthquake kinda got me thinking how horrible it must have been when TW had that 921 thing. I guess there are just so many natural disasters we humans cannot prevent. Hopefully not much was damaged this round....
Monday, July 28, 2008
People = troubles.....That is one equation you cannot deny.....
I have to say....I think my childhood dream of being a scientist or anything that does not involve dealing with people should really be a better choice for me. Thinking about it now I am actually quite impressed with how wise I was as a kid, knowing not dealing with people much would probably make myself much merrier in life. I just get tired explaining things, watching stupid stuff, and basically would not mind having a people free environment.
Why am I saying all that? oh well...just venting a little since I just get this weird tiredness toward a lot of Christian related issues. I don't think hearing and getting involved in anything Christian activities really makes me all that happy.....which is just a bit depressing since supposedly Christian lives should be glorifying the name of God. I wonder if God gets frustrated just looking down at us....I guess I am just too human to imagine how much patience God has....
I hope God can just erase all my memories so I don't get so frustrated on same issues over and over. I don't like this heavy stone that is on my chest all the time whenever I know too much behind the superficial nice acts from Christians. I guess I would rather choose to be ignorant but it does not seem like God is giving me the option right now. Or maybe I am just caring about details too much that people don't even give a damn about? People say we have to choose to be happy....but can we also choose to be dumb? and not notice nor detect anything from around us? I wonder....
Anyway....let me choose to be happy over one thing then. As I was listening to the "da nan ren" story in the Sun sermon yesterday, I sensed myself thanking God for not giving me something that hard to deal with in this aspect. I am not personally against da nan ren as my dad himself is one....but then at least he is not the type who thinks he is the king of the whole world without taking up the king's duties. My hubby just happens to be a lot less "da nan ren" than most of the jerks who think they can be all that out there, and I have to say it's truly a blessing sometimes. Even though there are things that can never be perfect in our lives, at least I know what to appreciate when I see the good parts....
Why am I saying all that? oh well...just venting a little since I just get this weird tiredness toward a lot of Christian related issues. I don't think hearing and getting involved in anything Christian activities really makes me all that happy.....which is just a bit depressing since supposedly Christian lives should be glorifying the name of God. I wonder if God gets frustrated just looking down at us....I guess I am just too human to imagine how much patience God has....
I hope God can just erase all my memories so I don't get so frustrated on same issues over and over. I don't like this heavy stone that is on my chest all the time whenever I know too much behind the superficial nice acts from Christians. I guess I would rather choose to be ignorant but it does not seem like God is giving me the option right now. Or maybe I am just caring about details too much that people don't even give a damn about? People say we have to choose to be happy....but can we also choose to be dumb? and not notice nor detect anything from around us? I wonder....
Anyway....let me choose to be happy over one thing then. As I was listening to the "da nan ren" story in the Sun sermon yesterday, I sensed myself thanking God for not giving me something that hard to deal with in this aspect. I am not personally against da nan ren as my dad himself is one....but then at least he is not the type who thinks he is the king of the whole world without taking up the king's duties. My hubby just happens to be a lot less "da nan ren" than most of the jerks who think they can be all that out there, and I have to say it's truly a blessing sometimes. Even though there are things that can never be perfect in our lives, at least I know what to appreciate when I see the good parts....
Wednesday, July 23, 2008
enough waiting and summer is almost gone...
The whole buying condo situation just goes up and down for the past two weeks. The bank accepts our offer, the credit report has problems, Billy's secret daughter from somewhere, and then we backing out from the whole deal....oh and also money wasted on the inspection which could be used to contribute to other things....well....The condo across from the one we offered seemed to be a possible one at the same time. The seller was actually willing to drop the price for us but then at this point we won't be able to do anything cuz of the credit issues again.
Oh well....life.....full of things which you cannot control. I should be used to this by now.....really not like I can just do whatever I want to do with my life at any given moment....just like how I am teaching some students who I have no interest of seeing every single week....just to make a living...Some of the students are learning because they have no choices in their lives either....and there are some other kids who want to learn but don't have the luck of having supportive parents...I guess...that is just....life....
Woke up early this morning. Had dreams battling and chasing (or being chased?) with people. I was hit by the chest few times and had hard time breathing. Gave up trying to sleep again early in the morning and read the rest of Ezekiel. I was pretty surprised that Ezekiel is actually much longer than I expected....reading that book is also depressing since it's all talking about the ruins of everything. Oh well....there is also restorations of things, which is of course harder to see in the present. Again....that is life....you just don't see everything you would like to see at the given time....and sometimes we are not even sure if we will see it in the future....
I am just gonna order my camera today. Getting tired of waiting for things to happen in life. Better deal, lower price, more money, etc. I guess there are plenty of people who wait through life and does nothing at the end. I am just gonna do what I can do within my own control right now....yeah....RIGHT NOW.....
Oh well....life.....full of things which you cannot control. I should be used to this by now.....really not like I can just do whatever I want to do with my life at any given moment....just like how I am teaching some students who I have no interest of seeing every single week....just to make a living...Some of the students are learning because they have no choices in their lives either....and there are some other kids who want to learn but don't have the luck of having supportive parents...I guess...that is just....life....
Woke up early this morning. Had dreams battling and chasing (or being chased?) with people. I was hit by the chest few times and had hard time breathing. Gave up trying to sleep again early in the morning and read the rest of Ezekiel. I was pretty surprised that Ezekiel is actually much longer than I expected....reading that book is also depressing since it's all talking about the ruins of everything. Oh well....there is also restorations of things, which is of course harder to see in the present. Again....that is life....you just don't see everything you would like to see at the given time....and sometimes we are not even sure if we will see it in the future....
I am just gonna order my camera today. Getting tired of waiting for things to happen in life. Better deal, lower price, more money, etc. I guess there are plenty of people who wait through life and does nothing at the end. I am just gonna do what I can do within my own control right now....yeah....RIGHT NOW.....
Monday, July 21, 2008
Not that easy to jump in and out of things....
Over weighted after every weekend seems to be the on going routine for me. I guess we just over eat every weekend that is why. It would take me another 5 days to get my weight back in normal, and then weekend comes again....right....isn't it just like life? everything goes in cycles...
I was reading Ivan's blog describing their party which the family had for Xiao-Zhen (and also grandma's BD coming up in Aug I supposed?). It feels quite amazing that my cousin is actually coming to the states for her master's degree now. Can't believe I am already this old and the little cousins have already grown up. Can't believe my youngest bro is already preparing for his college exam and he is actually 13 years younger than me....Time really flies...
Theo got back last week and I guess he has been really bored....or maybe has relationship stress that he wants to talk about...so he has been trying to find me on line since he doesn't have my new cell phone number...lol....Spent a little time chatting with him and listening to his relationship problems here and there....at the same time thinking it's not very likely anything would get solved or changed in the future....
I was quite amused that Theo told me by now he realized "finding someone that has the same life values, topics to talk about, and has things to share in life is far more important than just going for the looks".....right....I guess most guys notice this when they are in some deep sxxx and cannot get out of it already....lol....but again....how many people actually have the luck of finding that person who you will always fun sharing life with? A lot of marriages are just sustained without things people want...and that is life....
Anyway....just thought it's something worth making a note with. We will see if he gets married next year....in my opinion....he most likely will since everyone is pushing for it....lol...
I was reading Ivan's blog describing their party which the family had for Xiao-Zhen (and also grandma's BD coming up in Aug I supposed?). It feels quite amazing that my cousin is actually coming to the states for her master's degree now. Can't believe I am already this old and the little cousins have already grown up. Can't believe my youngest bro is already preparing for his college exam and he is actually 13 years younger than me....Time really flies...
Theo got back last week and I guess he has been really bored....or maybe has relationship stress that he wants to talk about...so he has been trying to find me on line since he doesn't have my new cell phone number...lol....Spent a little time chatting with him and listening to his relationship problems here and there....at the same time thinking it's not very likely anything would get solved or changed in the future....
I was quite amused that Theo told me by now he realized "finding someone that has the same life values, topics to talk about, and has things to share in life is far more important than just going for the looks".....right....I guess most guys notice this when they are in some deep sxxx and cannot get out of it already....lol....but again....how many people actually have the luck of finding that person who you will always fun sharing life with? A lot of marriages are just sustained without things people want...and that is life....
Anyway....just thought it's something worth making a note with. We will see if he gets married next year....in my opinion....he most likely will since everyone is pushing for it....lol...
Wednesday, July 16, 2008
Too many cats
I had two weird dreams last night. I can kinda remember bits of them right now....1st dream was kinda weird cuz I dreamed that we went to find 5 mouses as toys for Hades. Somehow the toys were sitting right next to Hades and they looked just as big as them. I 1st said "wait...are you sure they are mouses? cuz they look terribly big....and also....why are they screaming like that? are they hungry or something?" and then Hades was acting weird cuz he was sitting right amongst the mouses being very calm and not even looking nor playing with them much....
I kept on staring at the mouses and later found they looked terribly similar to Hades. I finally decided....."dude....they are not mouses....they are just 5 cats that we got....." I think three of the cats were like American shorthair and two others looked kinda strange....a white one with long hair but gold trims on the ears and feet...and the other one I couldn't remember....
The 2nd dream was somewhere at my home with my parents and bros. Somehow I was there taking a vacation or something....and then this morning when I woke up there was this guy sitting in front of the piano at my home. Everyone was out at that time and I woke up just to be kinda shocked to see him there. I was trying to make my morning coffee and he was trying to carry a conversation really hard. He was playing and singing and I found myself feeling very annoyed by a talkative stranger....as usual...yeah...that is about all I remember before Hades walked up to the bed to sleep with me...
I have been dreaming almost everyday. Maybe someday my oldest memories will all come back...lol...Chih-Lin also told me there was verbal confirmation on the condo we offered. We will see if anything confirms in written form in a day or 2. I guess it can still be a pretty good deal even though there are lots of things going on with the economy. 1st of all it is at least about 40k-50K lower than most of other condos in our area, plus we are not really investing....just getting a place of our own...Since we have prayer for God to either let it go through or just let it fail like all our past experiences...we will see what happens then...Money put in the banks can disappear nowadays...so may as well just put it in a house?
I kept on staring at the mouses and later found they looked terribly similar to Hades. I finally decided....."dude....they are not mouses....they are just 5 cats that we got....." I think three of the cats were like American shorthair and two others looked kinda strange....a white one with long hair but gold trims on the ears and feet...and the other one I couldn't remember....
The 2nd dream was somewhere at my home with my parents and bros. Somehow I was there taking a vacation or something....and then this morning when I woke up there was this guy sitting in front of the piano at my home. Everyone was out at that time and I woke up just to be kinda shocked to see him there. I was trying to make my morning coffee and he was trying to carry a conversation really hard. He was playing and singing and I found myself feeling very annoyed by a talkative stranger....as usual...yeah...that is about all I remember before Hades walked up to the bed to sleep with me...
I have been dreaming almost everyday. Maybe someday my oldest memories will all come back...lol...Chih-Lin also told me there was verbal confirmation on the condo we offered. We will see if anything confirms in written form in a day or 2. I guess it can still be a pretty good deal even though there are lots of things going on with the economy. 1st of all it is at least about 40k-50K lower than most of other condos in our area, plus we are not really investing....just getting a place of our own...Since we have prayer for God to either let it go through or just let it fail like all our past experiences...we will see what happens then...Money put in the banks can disappear nowadays...so may as well just put it in a house?
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