Is it X-mas yet???

It's almost X-mas, and I have no photos to update really....Hades had kept me quite busy with his shots, messed up eating schedule, and also waking up in the middle of nights. I am hoping one day he can be cured and stop all the shots, but I don't know when the day will come. I guess if he remains this way, then it will virtually be impossible to ask someone to take care of him if we want to go somewhere and travel....This is a very good reminder of how life would be when you have kids who you cannot just get rid of any time you want....

Few days ago I suddenly had this urge to listen to my ancient "tape" recordings from high school and early USC years...I have to say it's hard to deal with past memories, especially when the past was better than the current. I guess it's a blessing to be a talented person, but then it's even better when one stays humble so there is always room to grow....Now listening to the tapes I realize why I get frustrated with my students, and yet when I was younger I never thought I was good enough. I guess I still never think I am good enough even today. I know when I am BETTER than others, but then somehow I can never reach the place where I want to be in life. I wonder if that trait of me makes myself suffer at times. Nothing is good enough, and everything is just not perfect. I sometimes wonder if I really know what I am looking for. One thing I know though, is I am never completely satisfied....There is good, and there is better.....and yet....it's virtually impossible to reach the "best".

For some reason I still think my high school years are the best years of my life. I was trapped in this little town out of nowhere, and the closest supermarket would take us a whole hour to walk there. We had nothing to do since there was snow almost half of the year, but yet we had so much to do cuz school was just fun. That just sounds kinda odd I know. School was fun??? I don't get it either, and I didn't even really pay attention to whatever people were doing. I was so concentrated in what I wanted to do I just enjoyed the challenges and competitions. I must be one weird kid back then....didn't think relationships were imp, didn't think friendships were all that necessary, and yet was able to enjoy those years for no particular reasons. I guess being stimulated by all means was imp to me?

It's odd to write about old memories when it's almost X-mas. I don't remember when was the last time I saw snow during X-mas. I remember those days when the weather was freezing and we made snow angels on the ground for no reason. I remember being trapped in the basement of my violin teacher's house so I could only practice during X-mas break....and then of course there were X-mas that I was working hard and touring in diff. countries with the band. There were the X-mas songs we tried to weave into our programs when we tour at the end of those years. None of those X-mas was really all that relaxing and comfortable, and yet I think I enjoyed those more compared to these boring Christmases for the recent years. I wonder if this comes with age....

Anyway.....it's almost X-mas, and I am heading to finish teaching my worst student of the week. I am pretty sure I should feel a lot by the time I get home again this afternoon.....