Thursday, February 28, 2008

Looks vs. Poise?

Pauline's facebook profile says she is trying to be composed....which somehow reminds me Pastor Jim said "poise" is something we should all strive for. It is indeed to remain poised, especially when everything around us can get crazy and messy in this world. I think a lot of how a person carries himself/herself comes from the background and also how much a person thinks/analyzes oneself. I always enjoy watching someone transform over a period of time cuz from the changes you can kinda imagine how much a person went through....good or bad...

Mom was talking about Ivan with me last night, and I couldn't help feeling entertained thinking about how he was as a kid vs. how "appearance crazed" he is as an adolescent now. I guess everyone is always trying to find his/her own style. I personally don't usually over-react toward kid's "pretty craving" stage cuz years later I am sure they would be amused to look at photos when the style of the whole trend has already changed. I guess everyone has a diff. definition of what looks good at a certain age, and it really does not matter cuz at the end "other people" are the ones who get to judge if we look good.

I just hope my bro Ivan will concentrate more on things that will matter for life time, like character, knowledge, morals, beliefs, etc. I would not mind having a tall, handsome looking brother... but I sure hope he will have more than just looks. A lot of times I watch soap operas from China and can't help thinking how ugly their actors are....but also can't deny they do have better acting skills than most pretty faces from TW. It really makes wonder if people there on the other side of the ocean do have diff. concepts of what is pretty/handsome....or maybe there are indeed more imp things than just looking good?

I am all into looks. Most of the time I want to look at things which are pleasing to my eyes....I can't help it cuz I am eye sight oriented even in learning. Nevertheless I know there are more info from a person/thing that I have to calculate with my analysis with. (for example, poise is rare even with good looking people....) Life is indeed complicated on diff. aspects....even on a simple matter of outter appearance...

Wednesday, February 27, 2008

It's all possible....

Yeah life has been just a little boring lately, but I think I am dealing with it alright. I enjoy concentrating on getting rid of my two students a day, and every time after I am done with my students I feel good. I still can't help feeling anxious about upcoming March schedule but then I guess I just can't flip my anxious tendency all in one day. I am not sure if getting rid of things marked on schedule is a better way of living compared to looking forward to things marked on schedule....but so far that is one way to keep me going without being too stressful.

I guess keeping a good pace in life is difficult. People either find too much to do in life or do too little. I sometimes wonder how Hades copes with his life basically doing nothing else than eating, sleeping, and being petted. If I can feel happy living like a cat then I guess life would be much easier. I guess that is also why human beings used to feel much happier when they were indeed doing a lot less centuries ago....I am not sure if the world was more fun back then though....cuz that long ago you don't get to see as much of the world as we do nowadays....

Feb is coming to an end soon. That means 1/6 of the year is already gone...quite scary indeed. If life goes in a steady pace I guess that is something to be thankful of....I would rather have a life without whole bunch of distracting stresses (from other people) than something else at this point. Maybe I am indeed getting old...or maybe I still don't know what I am looking for...It's all possible...yeah....

Monday, February 25, 2008

leadership.....or whatever....

It finally stopped raining and sunshine surely feels nice after so many weeks of rains...I woke up feeling tired but after a cup of coffee, refreshed. Monday is a light day for me so I was naturally in an ok mood. I was light spirited enough to read a little, but then what I read got my brain to spin again....

I was reading this book by 王偉忠 (cuz from the programs he does and his talks on TV I just thought he is an interesting character). He was writing how his 1st and only boss in life affected his whole life. His boss was willing to put his own career at stake and resolve things on behalf of a little staff (just because he thinks anyone deserves to be treated fairly with respect). 王偉忠 said that boss of his who had "shoulders" to take responsibilities in a leadership really changed and affected his whole life and taught him how to treat his own staff.

As I was reading the chapter, I couldn't help feeling a little depressed about Chinese Christian leaders I see nowadays. I myself had two crappy leaders before, who cannot take responsibilities for their own deeds and made their staff suffer (not mentioning the inability to take care of their staff which they try to cover with all kinds of excuses) I also keep on hearing diff. stories on scandalous leaders from ministries and churches....seriously depressing...

I guess this is really just an interesting phenomenon that happens everywhere in our world today. Many people WANT to become a leader but don't really have the GUTS / commitment to really be one. Men are supposed to be leaders of their families, but many of them cannot take up the task with authority nor responsibility. Women want to be leaders because they cannot be treated right with the supposedly designated leaders, namely the men. When women want to lead, it destroys God's original/ideal design and breaks the balance of everything. Everything just gets more messed up starting from each individual family sort to speak....

Many people who don't have the heart to care for others are unfortunately leaders today. I think Billy's dad was right on how leaders should 以德服人. If the leaders don't really have any superior ability or anything that his staff wants to pour their hearts out for, then everything that is left will be all about money. (In a marriage , everything will just be about maintaining the status of being married...) and that.....is exactly why our society today is kinda sad...

Oh well....I guess seeing the problems really doesn't solve any problem. I should drink another cup of coffee and enjoy the sunshine a little before I spoil the whole day. I wish someday I will finally meet a leader who is not so crappy....

Saturday, February 23, 2008

Lost.....The TV show

We have been watching this TV series called "Lost" for a while (so far still on season one)....and there were two lines that caught my attention today. (actually the 2nd one caught my attention and 1st one caught Billy's). 1st one: "I have no expectations, but I have hope." 2nd one : "Commitment is what ticks you, but what you are unable to do is letting go..."

Billy thought the 1st line is deep cuz when you have absolutely no expectations you can still have hope. I understand what he is thinking, but again I can't completely agree. I personally think it takes a lot of "no hope" situations to finally come to a "no expectation" condition. Maybe people would be looking at this line from a diff. starting point. As for Billy, he probably sees "no expectations" 1st to hold his hopes up. (as a positive person of course) I know...this is confusing....but tossing this around is fun....(yet another brain twister....)

The 2nd line however, hits my heart. I think it would rub the hearts of most competitive people, including me. We probably committed everything we have to win the race or whatever we are trying to win in life. When there comes a situation where we may face the chance of losing something or someone, we then refuse to let go at the end. We cannot let go of the memories, the efforts we put into certain things, the connections we made, the loyalties we gave to certain people or work, etc....At the end, not letting go hurts us the most cuz we take everything too seriously.

It is difficult (for some) to recognize how rare it is for people to take others (things or people) seriously. "Letting go" is indeed becoming a skill or survival in our world today. I think this is exactly why the main character of the show "Lost" (Doc. Jack Sephard) is with that specific "no- giving- up" personality. People probably like watching him because it's rare to find such commitment and determination in our everyday life.....sad, but true in many ways....

Thursday, February 21, 2008

Gambade....

Annie was chatting with me this morning. Apparently her kid is big enough for her to feel the movements inside of her womb, and she is looking fwd for the baby to be born. I guess everything with Annie's relationship from TW happened with a lightening speed, but at least she is feeling happy right now. I think it is very important for people to learn how to move on. I am glad Annie moved on from her previous failures and found what she wanted, at least for now.

I personally think moving on is so freaking important that everyone has to kick their own butts and do it. We have seen and deal with friends who just want to sit there doing nothing, but wish for everything to change their way. What happens when people do that? well....I can't say nothing ever gets changed, but things surely don't change much. Sometimes people even pull God into the picture and say "I am waiting for God to show me signs"...but then we often don't look in the directions God wants us to look, right?

Dad was talking about how a person dying in the water needs to raise his/her hand to get saved. Is the person able to save himself by raising the hand? no...but then if he does not raise the hand then how are others supposed to save him? Yes, a paradox in a way...but no...it's really just common sense. We may be asking God to save us when we are dying in the water, but then when God sends airplanes, ships, even just a rope from the shore....we may turn it down and say "no...this is not God"....Who are we to say what is God and what is not God? Seriously I dare not make the assumption.

I have this tendency of being annoyed when nothing gets moved or changed for a long period of time. I think it is only human, but then God does want us to wait at times. Nevertheless we still have to do our parts dealing with our very own problems. God does not have to be blamed or "summoned" just because we are not feeling like facing our problems. To find the balance of "doing" and "waiting" is always the most difficult. To remain uplifted in spirit when nothing goes right is almost impossible....That is why we do need some "gambade" from friends/families around us I would say....

Wednesday, February 20, 2008

Happening? or not?

I think I am probably becoming the nicest teacher nowadays. I drove to Gloria's house to teach her cuz she is busy working at WAMU and cannot find a time to have lessons other than her lunch breaks. I had to wait for her more than 15 min, and after lesson I had to drive her back to work. Sometimes I just couldn't stop feeling entertained about how thick nerved she is...(can you imagine telling your private violin teacher to drive you back to work? right....) I think she really takes me as her friend or something...don't know what is up with my students.....orz

During Gloria's lesson Jacob called. Apparently he got back to LA alright, and earlier than I expected. I don't know how long he is gonna stay this time, but it was nice to hear his voice again. I guess when people get older it gets harder to keep old friends around....(that gets a little sentimental at times)....I wonder 10 years from now who would still be around where we live....?

Last night Billy asked me what I would do if I can change my career. That kinda got me a little depressed unfortunately... I guess there are just things which people would like to do but cannot accomplish within certain time and environment. I am not a dreamer cuz I don't want to dream stuff that I cannot get done in the near future. I only know how to approach my gaols step by step and reach them in reality eventually. Maybe that is why I had great difficulties working with my previous bosses who only know how to dream but do not know how to get things done. I think the best for me now is not to think about what I want to do, but what I am doing at this point.... Just a way to keep myself in a more stabilized mood.

My goal for now is to get through Thurs night's bible study. Hopefully it will be quick and painless. I also want to finish all my Fri students...(unfortunately there are two who I think are hard to teach and insist on having lessons on Fri. Maybe God planned it this way so I would feel all weekends are nice and sweet.) I also want to have a good weekend completely relaxed + spend time with ourselves alone. I think it was good to have the recording canceled cuz I don't really want to have anything scheduled for this weekend now. I know....what I want are just stupid things...but at least I know I can make them happen.....

Tuesday, February 19, 2008

Scattered.....

A-Kiang finally left our place this morning....it feels kinda strange to only have myself in the house now. I finally have time to kinda catch my breath and really feel like life is back to normal 1st time after we got back from TW. The weather is not ideal, the light is dim, my cat is being emotional, but I think I enjoy my time sitting here typing my blog with a cup of coffee in my hand.

Many things can change in a short time, and plans can never catch up to changes as we say it in Chinese. We met and ate with some people who I wasn't planning to get together with. Out of all the meals after our TW trip I probably only enjoyed one. I kinda don't know why people want to eat so much and most of the time people eat because they can't find better things to do together....sighs....

Theo was in LA for a while and A-Kiang wanted to meet up with him so I was pulled into it. Come to think about it, it's amazing how I used to hang out with him and Eddie so much. I guess people do change (or rather I change too fast too soon?) Both of them are thinking about getting married and both having problems here and there. I do not know how Eddie can stand his wedding being canceled twice in a row, and I don't really understand the logic getting married to someone who you complains about often. Perhaps I am the weird one since most people do get married no matter what....

We have been having too much spiritual talks at home I am actually getting tired of it. I think I am the kinda person who would get tired when I have too much of just about anything. I like using my brain and think about weird stuff with it, but then brain gets tired also. I feel like I want to just go blank for a while now....maybe I just lack the passion for sticking on things or people? It's not like the 1st time I have noticed the best way for me to get out of something is by doing it so much so I would get sick and tired of it. I don't know....maybe there are exceptions....maybe....

My thoughts are still kinda scattered.....perhaps caused by too much brain exercise. Still 4 more days till the weekend....and I am looking forward to it already.....orz....

Friday, February 15, 2008

The V day......

Ever since I got back, my students had been asking me about how I was gonna celebrate Valentine's day. My answer was always "hum....I really don't think we will be celebrating it cuz last year we really didn't do anything that special either...plus we are now married....so I doubt there will be any sudden surprise..." My students were all kinda disappointed, and some were a little sad about that....which really cracked me up.....

I feel like I have to post some photos to cheer up some people who are getting a little disappointed with their BFs/GFs or husbands/wives cuz Billy actually tried to be sweet when he got home today. We really didn't celebrate the occasion, (I actually think it's foolish to do it on the same date when millions of other people on this planet earth are being dumb doing same things....I know I know....I have this problem with the need of feeling unique...too bad....Nevertheless I certainly don't object to the idea of being sweet to your valentine.....) but we did have a "lengthy" discussion on some interesting subjects tonight. The result of sleeping late? Well....I think Billy is all sleeping EVEN BETTER and I am still having my jet lag 4 in the morning.... lol.....

SO here are few photos....(Knowing I don't like flowers nor stuff animals, I thought my gift was a very interesting combination of things.....hahahaha.....) I have to say the bear is kinda cute and is surely a keeper. It looks like a bear Clement used to love when he was a baby, only a tiny bit bigger. (Clement's bear is now sitting at my house near the door. It was very nice to see that bear again when I went home cuz it brought back some memories) :)

Ok....these two photos were taken while I tried to pretend how fully surprised I was to see the flowers. (after we already took the previous shots....yeah....completely surprised....) Obviously I had problems pretending and couldn't help laughing about being dumb....A-Kiang was totally patient trying to get the best shots out of our silliness.....
Well....I hope most of the people had a nice V day.....and my Valentine, thanks (with my love) even though I didn't do anything special for you :p I hope the coming years will be full with sweet V days. :)

Thursday, February 14, 2008

Last photos from the TW trip....

These are the only photos I took with my own camera when we were at TW cuz most of the time my bros would take photos for us. The last day of our stay they forgot to bring cameras so I used my own...lol

One of the church members from dad's church got us this weird ice cream from a place they went...(don't remember where)...It was made with 潤餅皮, ice cream, and 香菜!!!!! and the black book is from the banquet place at Tainan. (yeah they are professional enough to have a booklet for their menu and stuff...)

Ivan took us to 新掘江after our new year trip. There were still whole bunch of people on the streets cuz school didn't start yet for most of the kids...If you pay attention you can tell our face really got a lot rounder by then.

We went to this mall last day of our stay in TW. This is the biggest mall in Taiwan...(or in south east Asia? not sure...) It's called 夢時代


This is probably the most famous ride in Kaohsiung now :)

Shots we took on the ride....



We ate in the mall and had drinks from the old famous 高雄木瓜大王....a place from childhood memories :)

Dad and mom were resting while we got Papaya Milk and Green Bean Milk :) Right before we left dad was trying to be cute sitting there with Ivan...lol

TW trip photos before the Chinese New Year

The 1st place we went after we got to Taiwan was 美濃. It is south of Kaohsiung and there were a lot of 客家菜 places. We ate at this 文化村 where there were a lot of traditional stuff.

Old water pump :) I remember seeing that when I was a kid.

How do you like our faces? and dad pretending to be cute? Mom was happy to find more orchids with cheap price there too....She is crazy about orchids I think....

On the way home we took some photos at this nice flower field :)

The yellow flowers.....



We went to Zhong Shan University the day before new year. It was quite windy as you can see with our hair. lol.....

Chinese New Year 2008 !!!!!!

Here are some photos we took around Chinese New Year of 2008.

Our family retreat for new year was held at Tai-Zhong this year. We had a short lunch break before other family members arrive so I called Joelle up to meet with her. We only had around half hour but it was surely nice to see her after so long (cuz she works in China now). I hope it won't be too long before I see her again :)

1st day of the trip we went to 雅歌花園.....The garden is really old since I remembered going there when I was in elementary school. Nothing was that impressive but I think most of the adults in our family had fun riding those kids rides. lol....

On the 2nd day of our new year trip we went to 新社莊園. It's a pretty nice looking garden near Tai-Zhong.....


Dad and mom :)

Photos with little uncle and his wife.



My family with grandma...

Grandma looked really cool in the photo....lol....

Family photos....The 2nd one is with all the cousins.

There was this sun flower filed near Tainan on the way home on the 2nd day of new year. The 燈會thigy is supposed to be held there but wasn't set up completely yet.

We had dinner at Tainan's 赤崁樓 third day of the new year. It was supposed to be our make up banquet for the family members on mom's side. The dinner was quite interesting cuz the food was made up with very high quality 台灣小吃...They said the president treated guests with this kinda food. We both thought it was cool....

We went to take some sticker photos with Ivan after new year....I have to say new year crowd was scary....so many people on the streets....but the photos were fun :)