Just saw this on 袁瓊瓊's blog...Don't really know the writer...don't particularly like stuff she writes...but just thought this passage is kinda deep.
我覺得人生在世，要活的完整。所謂的完整，其實是活的無憾。該愛的人去愛，該還的去還。該原諒的去原諒。該放過的去放過。每天躺下來，都覺得即使醒不過來，也沒什麼可惜的。那大概就叫無憾了吧。
I guess to live a life without regrets is very difficult....
Sunday, November 18, 2007
Saturday, November 17, 2007
Cultural differences
Just finished a book called 拐彎的夏天 by a Chinese author called 魏微.....I guess reading stuff from China in traditional Chinese font does make things more acceptable in away....but I am still not sure if I know how to relate to their history and way of thinking + living....It's like saying "I understand", but not knowing or feeling the same way....
It is indeed interesting when we talk about identities of races. When you were raised as a type of person, it's very hard for you to relate to other complete diff. groups. I have been having troubles liking stuff from modern China no matter if I am reading a book, watching a movie, or just browsing through their TV programs. I understand when people say we are all "Chinese", but I don't feel I am anything more than "Taiwanese". China basically means nothing to me since I was not raised there, do not live there, and am not planning to move there.....
I personally don't think any of the 外省人in Taiwan or any other places would be that interested to move back to China....but they tend to relate to mainland China much better and think everyone should do the same. I do not understand why people who live "outside" of China would think it's imp for people in TW to think the two diff. countries are as one. Through all those past years, people in those two diff. lands already developed diff. cultures and cannot relate to each other much other than through their economical developments and cooperations.....To wish unity for the two sides is really like how Chinese parents always force their kids born in US to Chinese school and wish the kids be fluent with what they were forced to learn.
I see a difference between "knowing the roots" vs. "living in the history". Knowing the roots for a person is more like learning what happened, and appreciate the beauty of everything including the tragedies. Living in the history means clinging to the past including everything bad that happened...not letting go....I think that is exactly why most of the "Chinese traditions" mess up the way of living for us who actually exist in the CURRENT era. It becomes very confusing for people to decide what is good and what is bad once it's called "traditions"....and at the end past mistakes just haunt us down since they are passed on generation by generation. What good is tradition if we cannot take the good parts and modify from the bad? heck...too much thoughts from a book which I don't relate much from....
It is indeed interesting when we talk about identities of races. When you were raised as a type of person, it's very hard for you to relate to other complete diff. groups. I have been having troubles liking stuff from modern China no matter if I am reading a book, watching a movie, or just browsing through their TV programs. I understand when people say we are all "Chinese", but I don't feel I am anything more than "Taiwanese". China basically means nothing to me since I was not raised there, do not live there, and am not planning to move there.....
I personally don't think any of the 外省人in Taiwan or any other places would be that interested to move back to China....but they tend to relate to mainland China much better and think everyone should do the same. I do not understand why people who live "outside" of China would think it's imp for people in TW to think the two diff. countries are as one. Through all those past years, people in those two diff. lands already developed diff. cultures and cannot relate to each other much other than through their economical developments and cooperations.....To wish unity for the two sides is really like how Chinese parents always force their kids born in US to Chinese school and wish the kids be fluent with what they were forced to learn.
I see a difference between "knowing the roots" vs. "living in the history". Knowing the roots for a person is more like learning what happened, and appreciate the beauty of everything including the tragedies. Living in the history means clinging to the past including everything bad that happened...not letting go....I think that is exactly why most of the "Chinese traditions" mess up the way of living for us who actually exist in the CURRENT era. It becomes very confusing for people to decide what is good and what is bad once it's called "traditions"....and at the end past mistakes just haunt us down since they are passed on generation by generation. What good is tradition if we cannot take the good parts and modify from the bad? heck...too much thoughts from a book which I don't relate much from....
Friday, November 16, 2007
Cat depression
When I tell my friends that Hades gets depressed, most people would laugh....but the fact is....Cats do get depressions....Cat's moods are closely related to their owners...and I guess that is why my cat has been having bad mood for the past week.
Hades started biting himself and got two bleeding spots again this week. I guess he felt the negative clouds around me for the whole week. I guess I have to work on getting him a better mood now...maybe eating some chocolate would work? :p
Hades started biting himself and got two bleeding spots again this week. I guess he felt the negative clouds around me for the whole week. I guess I have to work on getting him a better mood now...maybe eating some chocolate would work? :p
Thursday, November 15, 2007
Ever read the passage on Wings of the Dove in Psalms?
My 大姐大 wrote me again after I asked her how she is doing....here is what she wrote...
嘻....
我在養病,9月初過敏性氣喘發作.10月中旬脚掌骨裂傷,
But ,現在都漸趨穩定.
感謝神! 藉此操練我的心性和靈性,
學了多少不知道,
但正面.積極的喜樂觀總是打敗黑暗的那一面,
珍惜.感恩的態度在我腦袋裡是主導的地位,
单就這些,已是我生命中最大的得勝了!
我常懷念那段跟妳們一起為挑戰自我而呼吸的日子.
"阿肥"可愛狗狗還在嗎?
牠的開心.精力旺盛,在那些日子裡是我的安慰劑.
我的聲音在等待著跟我心靈呼應的作品....
目前尚未聽聞到還有什麼機會再去經歷,我感恩曾有過這一切.
加油!
力盛聰穎的妳.
加油!
Love you
Eva
I envy her for always having the "positive" side that can win over the darkness in heart....為挑戰自我而呼吸的日子does not even exist in my memory much now. I have always wanted to write something that fits her wish (跟我心靈呼應的作品) cuz her voice attracts me, but then I don't know if that has much purpose now (cuz it may be a long time before I can really record her for anything now) . Is it really thinking negatively? or is it just facing the reality? maybe both....When a person is too tired to fight, the person is too tired to fight....Rest is needed before anything can go on again....I wish I can have peace at heart like I once had while going through craps in life.... wonder if she would know that I am no longer 力盛 but feeling kinda beat up in life..... 加油! is for sure encouraging....but what is the goal here?
嘻....
我在養病,9月初過敏性氣喘發作.10月中旬脚掌骨裂傷,
But ,現在都漸趨穩定.
感謝神! 藉此操練我的心性和靈性,
學了多少不知道,
但正面.積極的喜樂觀總是打敗黑暗的那一面,
珍惜.感恩的態度在我腦袋裡是主導的地位,
单就這些,已是我生命中最大的得勝了!
我常懷念那段跟妳們一起為挑戰自我而呼吸的日子.
"阿肥"可愛狗狗還在嗎?
牠的開心.精力旺盛,在那些日子裡是我的安慰劑.
我的聲音在等待著跟我心靈呼應的作品....
目前尚未聽聞到還有什麼機會再去經歷,我感恩曾有過這一切.
加油!
力盛聰穎的妳.
加油!
Love you
Eva
I envy her for always having the "positive" side that can win over the darkness in heart....為挑戰自我而呼吸的日子does not even exist in my memory much now. I have always wanted to write something that fits her wish (跟我心靈呼應的作品) cuz her voice attracts me, but then I don't know if that has much purpose now (cuz it may be a long time before I can really record her for anything now) . Is it really thinking negatively? or is it just facing the reality? maybe both....When a person is too tired to fight, the person is too tired to fight....Rest is needed before anything can go on again....I wish I can have peace at heart like I once had while going through craps in life.... wonder if she would know that I am no longer 力盛 but feeling kinda beat up in life..... 加油! is for sure encouraging....but what is the goal here?
Wednesday, November 14, 2007
Old time friends....
Went to dinner with Pei last night cuz her group is traveling in LA for ministry tour. It was kinda interesting to catch up and listen to updates of her life. She will be quitting her full time position end of this year to go to Dallas seminary....(which I think is super courageous at her age)...well....at least some people want to be fully equipped before they speak on the stages or do anything....just great really...
It was interesting to hear how she thinks praise and worship events are no longer the hot thing in Chinese world now. (Well....I am not surprised at all....I mean....why would non-believers want to come to praise and worship events when all people sing are praise and worship songs which they don't relate to?) Music is for sure a good tool to attract people, but what are the ministries focusing on? what is their target really when they host those events? to promote products? to help people who are already Christians? To do one concert and leave so no relationships are built? purposes become kinda confusing really....
It's great that Pei's ministry has a full time pastor taking care of the staff and watch over their spiritual growth. I guess that is why they are able to go on for this long with that many people, and whoever worked at my previous two works just eventually die spiritually if not physically. Oh well...there are things not everyone can do.....and there is no point talking about it since it's really none of my business now. Just hope everything will go great with Pei and when she finishes school someday she will be able to minister people as she wishes (or as God wants her to.... in a more spiritual way of saying it)...
We were also talking about my "big sister big" Eva in TW who works in Heavenly Melody. I don't think this name crossed my mind that much for the past year since I didn't see her for a long time. I was so grateful that she was willing to help me record two songs for HI while she was about to fly to Indonesia or something....I think she was a huge factor why the Taiwanese album got nominated for Golden Melody award. Anyway....all the old stuff....the point is... I didn't really get to thank her personally after the recording since I am still stuck here and she never came to LA again all this time.
I woke up this morning thinking about my 大姐大 Eva while I washed my face. I thought I should probably e-mail her and ask how she is doing since her husband works in China and her kid is studying in a foreign country too...so I opened up my laptop ready to write her....and then saw an e-mail from her in my mailbox !!!!!!!!! How amazing is that? Can't believe that non-blood-related sisters can have 6th sense like this....lol....Things like this really warms up my heart. I guess old time friends (the real ones) still means a lot....
It was interesting to hear how she thinks praise and worship events are no longer the hot thing in Chinese world now. (Well....I am not surprised at all....I mean....why would non-believers want to come to praise and worship events when all people sing are praise and worship songs which they don't relate to?) Music is for sure a good tool to attract people, but what are the ministries focusing on? what is their target really when they host those events? to promote products? to help people who are already Christians? To do one concert and leave so no relationships are built? purposes become kinda confusing really....
It's great that Pei's ministry has a full time pastor taking care of the staff and watch over their spiritual growth. I guess that is why they are able to go on for this long with that many people, and whoever worked at my previous two works just eventually die spiritually if not physically. Oh well...there are things not everyone can do.....and there is no point talking about it since it's really none of my business now. Just hope everything will go great with Pei and when she finishes school someday she will be able to minister people as she wishes (or as God wants her to.... in a more spiritual way of saying it)...
We were also talking about my "big sister big" Eva in TW who works in Heavenly Melody. I don't think this name crossed my mind that much for the past year since I didn't see her for a long time. I was so grateful that she was willing to help me record two songs for HI while she was about to fly to Indonesia or something....I think she was a huge factor why the Taiwanese album got nominated for Golden Melody award. Anyway....all the old stuff....the point is... I didn't really get to thank her personally after the recording since I am still stuck here and she never came to LA again all this time.
I woke up this morning thinking about my 大姐大 Eva while I washed my face. I thought I should probably e-mail her and ask how she is doing since her husband works in China and her kid is studying in a foreign country too...so I opened up my laptop ready to write her....and then saw an e-mail from her in my mailbox !!!!!!!!! How amazing is that? Can't believe that non-blood-related sisters can have 6th sense like this....lol....Things like this really warms up my heart. I guess old time friends (the real ones) still means a lot....
Tuesday, November 13, 2007
Doctor's visit
Went to get my physical check up this morning and got a nice pretty doc instead of the 50+ old guy doc. I guess I just got lucky and scheduled the right time. The doctor's office was moving very slowly. My appt was 9, and the doctor didn't get in until 9:30. I did not even get checked out till past 10. (I did get a shot by a nurse for something I wasn't sure if I ever got in the states though...anyway....it's included in the insurance so I may as well get it...)
The doc was totally stunned that I never had any pap test before and asked me if I have a BF. I thought that was a funny question...I guess kids nowadays get BFs and get sex so they better get pap tests ASAP. I wonder if kids here know they should....maybe they do since it's so common in the states anyway. I guess I will just get the test done sometime later since I am old now.
Doctor was suspecting that I have thyroid problems....This is nothing new since everyone thinks I do by looking at my neck. Who knows...maybe I really do have thyroid problems now since it's caused by stress and 1/4 of Asian females have it anyway. We will see what happens in the blood test....but then she wants to do an ultrasound next time I see her in two weeks. The doctor thinks I am funny by the way I talk. I find it amusing cuz I was not trying too hard to entertain her much...(but I guess I was pulling my charming talking side out since I like how she looked and felt)....maybe my social skills hadn't leave me yet even though I don't social much nowadays. It's always good when people think you are interesting I guess.
The blood test station kinda sucked. The person who tried to draw blood for me had hard time finding my vain. She poked around few times and nothing came out so she called another person to help. The 2nd person went "go deeper....ok....move a little bit this side..." while they kept on touching the big vain which they tried to get. (yes...with the needle inside of my arm still...) No wonder they had to give a paper saying they are not responsible for any bruises after blood drawing. oh...and they complained about how slow my blood flows out...dude...I have "condensed blood"...ok? it costs more....right...
Anyway....it's a weird feeling to start going to hospitals by myself. I don't recall ever going to hospital by myself in TW. Maybe that is the reason why I don't bother to go to hospitals at all in US, even when I had insurance from work before. Growing up is such an annoying thing....
The doc was totally stunned that I never had any pap test before and asked me if I have a BF. I thought that was a funny question...I guess kids nowadays get BFs and get sex so they better get pap tests ASAP. I wonder if kids here know they should....maybe they do since it's so common in the states anyway. I guess I will just get the test done sometime later since I am old now.
Doctor was suspecting that I have thyroid problems....This is nothing new since everyone thinks I do by looking at my neck. Who knows...maybe I really do have thyroid problems now since it's caused by stress and 1/4 of Asian females have it anyway. We will see what happens in the blood test....but then she wants to do an ultrasound next time I see her in two weeks. The doctor thinks I am funny by the way I talk. I find it amusing cuz I was not trying too hard to entertain her much...(but I guess I was pulling my charming talking side out since I like how she looked and felt)....maybe my social skills hadn't leave me yet even though I don't social much nowadays. It's always good when people think you are interesting I guess.
The blood test station kinda sucked. The person who tried to draw blood for me had hard time finding my vain. She poked around few times and nothing came out so she called another person to help. The 2nd person went "go deeper....ok....move a little bit this side..." while they kept on touching the big vain which they tried to get. (yes...with the needle inside of my arm still...) No wonder they had to give a paper saying they are not responsible for any bruises after blood drawing. oh...and they complained about how slow my blood flows out...dude...I have "condensed blood"...ok? it costs more....right...
Anyway....it's a weird feeling to start going to hospitals by myself. I don't recall ever going to hospital by myself in TW. Maybe that is the reason why I don't bother to go to hospitals at all in US, even when I had insurance from work before. Growing up is such an annoying thing....
Monday, November 12, 2007
On losing sleep....
Had one of those sleepless nights again. It's annoying to feel tired and wanting to sleep but just flips back and forth like a fish on the bed. It reminds me of those nights when I was taking medications for my asthma when I was little....just can't sleep no matter how sick I was.
I have always wondered why human beings need to sleep cuz normally you have to do that 1/3 of your life....and it's just such a waste of time....and the thing is...when you don't fall into sleep you really can't do much of anything else since everyone else is sleeping...not a very well designed function I thought....
I was talking to mom on the phone last night, and somehow the anger which I tried to control since morning just got worse and worse. I have to say I am very tired of my life in general....but it's not like anything would change in life just by discussing it. I have seen it many times really...people would promise to change and get situations better, and NOTHING will eventually happen. It's just how this world is. It's just better to not trust or expect anything to happen.
Maybe I should go visit some of my high school friends or something. High school time was the best of my whole life so far. Maybe that will the highlight of my year 2007 if I make it happen on time....right....
I have always wondered why human beings need to sleep cuz normally you have to do that 1/3 of your life....and it's just such a waste of time....and the thing is...when you don't fall into sleep you really can't do much of anything else since everyone else is sleeping...not a very well designed function I thought....
I was talking to mom on the phone last night, and somehow the anger which I tried to control since morning just got worse and worse. I have to say I am very tired of my life in general....but it's not like anything would change in life just by discussing it. I have seen it many times really...people would promise to change and get situations better, and NOTHING will eventually happen. It's just how this world is. It's just better to not trust or expect anything to happen.
Maybe I should go visit some of my high school friends or something. High school time was the best of my whole life so far. Maybe that will the highlight of my year 2007 if I make it happen on time....right....
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