It goes on and on and on.....

I have never got so many calls from TW before if it's not for the death of Ho-Ching. Jack just called two nights ago to chat about Ho-Ching and life in general. I think the last time I saw him was probably 5 years ago when he took me out for coffee while I was in tour at Taipei. I have never met him once even though he always calls when he returns to LA. I guess I am just not very good at keeping friends for such a long time even when they think we are good friends. Ho-Ching was really the only exception.

Steve called me last night cuz he thought I didn't know about the Ho-Ching incident yet. Last time I saw him was also 4+ years ago....actually with Ho-Ching when I visited Taipei during my last Asia tour. He always talks about coming to LA to visit so we can hang out like before. He was just about to confirm the trip with Ho-Ching last week but got too busy to call and ask. I guess Steve felt really bad about not making the call cuz now there will be no chance again.

It's funny the call from Steve reminded that how he gave me his apartment keys so I could just go find food during lunch time when I had breaks between classes at SC. I guess the best time of my SC era was the last year of graduate school when I bumped into whole bunch of weird engineers and Ho-Ching. Now I just remember even Clement met Steve before and had a ride in his car. I think my mom talked to him on the phone too? Man this is crazy.

Wen (used to be my "grandpa") wrote me an e-mail today. I think I lost contact with him ever since Ho-Ching went back to TW. The whole episode of Ho-Ching and him came back to me as well. I remember how both of them kept on calling me to update the progress of everything while I was on the road to San Diego. I remember how he started to ignore her e-mails and calls while asking me what to do. I remember the BD gifts I got from him and how it was difficult to be in the middle of the situation so I decided to stay away....

Wen told me he regretted not replying to Ho-Ching's e-mails. She even wrote him again beginning of this year. I guess I would never be such a persistent person, but I really admired her for the courage. Maybe I should of stay as a friend with Wen and then things would be diff. She always wanted me to stay as a friend so somehow they two would still be connected. It's funny how he told me he is still single and ask when I am getting married. I wonder how much it would shock him when he gets my reply telling him the wedding is in July.

Somehow I think Ho-Ching's death kinda forced me to link back to my life years ago. Maybe it's her way of forcing me to stay in touch with a few people who were sorta imp in my life back then. Maybe it's her way of reminding me that anyone can disappear any min and I should really treasure those around me. Maybe it's just me thinking too much and she had no intension for any of that....anyhow...I am getting more than I expected out of this whole event of her death.....

Speaking of Memories

Everyone says people who do not take a wedding seriously would regret at the end. I guess because of all the threats and advices, I am trying my best to keep my own wedding as a "normal" and "formal" one as much as I can possibly force myself to. So.....yesterday we had our wedding photo day even though I am not too into taking pretentious pictures.

I never would of imagine doing something would be so energy consuming. I can still feel my tiredness even now. (That is after sleeping early and waking up around 9....my whole body still aches!!!!) I wonder if it reflects how much I am not into making myself look stupid.

All I remember from the shooting was "ok....look here...move your hip....get closer..look sweet....hubby, you have to smile more....wife, you have to smile less....ok...look over at your hand...look here look there....etc" Sighs....I am sure I probably look very stiff for most of the pictures because I was not allowed to "smile too big".

I also think I look terribly old with the make up, and my head looked huge with the high hair. I guess that is probably why I liked the ones with our backs the most. :p We decided to let Hades participate the experience we had when we got home. (We couldn't then bring my son Hades to take photos since they don't allow relatives and friends at the shooting.....right...funny....)

We took a picture with Hades trying to look "far away" as a pose. Here is the photo, taken by Billy. Funny thing is....We are looking at three diff. directions.....I don't think the photographer would be too happy about this "natural" look. Ok....I admit....I didn't like the photographer all that much...I despise low level "yellow" jokes....and he looked gay and very "tai". Oh...and by the way....I probably smiled too much in this photo. Hades forgot to smile...

People are trying to collect photos and writings for Ho-Ching cuz they are having the funeral coming Sat. I kinda regret that I didn't save all her writings cuz most of them are pretty depressing when you read about how much pain she was going through. I wish I did save some of them though, cuz her writing could be good material for song writing if slightly modified.

We are dedicating the newly arranged song to Ho-Ching and using the arrangement for the film which they will compile soon. I wish I have mailed her the mp3 last week instead of waiting till the final mix comes out in the future. I guess there are always too many regrets in life, and all we have left are memories.

I also wish we took the wedding photos earlier cuz I knew Ho-Ching was waiting to see them and she is so ready to laugh at me. We could of get a kick out of looking at those photos together and making fun of them. Oh well....I am sure she was watching everything from up there while we took the pictures. Her stomach is probably aching from laughing too much.

Hey girl....even though you are up there, I am glad I was able to entertain you even though so much of energy was taken out of me :)

Last Call

My best friend Ho-Ching just left us last night, 32 years old, just about one month before her 33rd BD.

Robert called me this morning, and when he told me he has a news for me I knew what was coming. People I met during those years all knew not to bother me if there is nothing important, but I really didn't feel like I wanted to hear this "important news".

Robert told me that some of Ho-Ching's friends knew she wanted to come to LA in summer for someone's wedding. After sorting through her friends in LA, they thought I would probably be the one getting married. That is also why Robert called me to inform me cuz now Ho-Ching will not have to make the trip any more.

Last Fri I called her around 3 in the morning while I couldn't sleep. We talked and she was telling me how it's getting more painful for her to start each day. I have been hearing that from her ever since I got stuck in LA three years ago. I don't think things ever got better for her, and yet she continued to work cuz she could not stand being useless and bored with her life.

I still remember how she was excited that she would finally get a chance to come back and visit LA...cuz her mom allowed her to come back if it's me getting married. I remembered inviting her to come and travel with us afterwards cuz I thought it would probably be her last chance to travel around.

I remembered how she felt worse week after week. We both realized the trip probably would not happen and then kinda stopped talking about it. I thought by not keeping our hopes up maybe some sort of miracle would occur out of the blue. I thought I would probably be able to see her at least when I am able to go visit TW again next year.

I really don't know how I am feeling now. I think it's sinking into me min by min. Wen-Shin just wrote me an e-mail to tell me about this again. Some weird memories came back to me, and I wonder if I should let Wen know about this too. Man...I never thought I would lose a close friend at this age even though I knew it would probably be sooner than I expect.

How can the call last week be our last phone call ever?

Continuation of my magic power...

I went to AAA this morning asking if I can cancel my car policy on Aug and just pay for the cost from now on to Aug. Well..after discussing with the agent I decided to just pay the full year amount of 1371 and cancel it later so I won't be charged with any interest rate at all. (I can't cancel it until one week before the lease date anyway.) I guess on this kinda issue I am really not into being all Americanized to do payments and get charged more than what I should. I don't think paying less each time makes sense if at the end you actually pay a lot more with the interests added together.

Anyway....that is not the imp issue here....I 1st told the agent I may have to change my policy later, and then she started asking if the ring on my finger is my engagement ring. Ok...so the whole conversation got carried away and of course at the end she was trying to sell me more insurances. I didn't have time to discuss more about an insurance quote with her since I was trying to run away from her.

As firm as I usually is regarding things I don't really want, I just politely told her I would think about the stuff. She then started to tell me that her husband died 12 weeks ago, and she was really glad she had life insurance covering for her. (Now....sure she was counting each day....) Immediately I was thinking....I better start to go quickly or at the end I would get to know too much of her life story. I would probably get to know her kids and what schools they go to for example....maybe even what they do :p

So she then introduced me to her colleagues and before I noticed it I was saying hi to everyone being the "supposedly happy bride". Man...I tell you....too much sharing of private life really gets me. I now know why everyone is so eager to be a star....just so EVERYONE gets to know what is happening in your life. I am sure that kinda life would definitely drive me nuts.

The other night at dinner, Howard asked me a really good question...He said "why do you have to 'try' to be low key if you are indeed a low key person and nobody pays attention to your life anyway?" Now you see? Only cool and close friends who know the core of my charisma would dare to ask that kinda question. Very ironic I know....

By the way....Mom has been reading our blogs closely ever since she got the websites....really have to be careful what I throw up here while my weird thoughts are just flying everywhere...I have to admit she is quite hip for being able to keep up with us kids. I mean...she is able to use IM, Skype, read our blogs and all those modern stuff kids do nowadays....and she is 50+....pretty cool I guess.

Bug me plz....

I went to get my fingerprint recorded this morning. Two people from China came to ask me to fill out their forms for them while I was waiting for my number to be called. I am not sure if I had "I can fill out your forms" on my face while I was sitting there, but they sure think I did.

Anyway....filling out forms for people was not a bad thing since I had nothing to do, but when someone wants to talk to me while I don't really want to know her stories really bothers me. The 2nd person who asked me to fill out the form was around 40+...and she kept on chatting with me, telling me about her life. Yeah...like I am ever gonna see you again when I walk out of the room...

I have noticed my ability to get information from people without me wanting or asking for it. I am really not that interested in others' business, especially strangers'. I don't know if this ability is really needed for someone like me since I am not that sympathetic according to my test results. Oh well...weird things do happen.

I had very difficult time falling into sleep last night for the whole night. The funny thing is, I noticed how I adjusted to Billy's snoring through the past few months. If it wasn't for my insomnia last night, I would not be aware of how I almost don't hear the snoring every night now. I also noticed that certain sleeping posture would reduce the volume of snoring. So I guess there is some new discovery everyday, even when you lose sleep.

While I was trying very hard to make up some sleep before my appt this morning, my student's mom had to call and wake me up. It's funny how all my new students and their moms kept on calling me asking where to buy music. I wonder where they got their music with the previous teachers.

Ok...I know I am talking about scattered stuff....but the point is....the past 24 hours is like a "bug me plz" day for me. Going off to teach now...hopefully I won't get bugged by my students again. :p

Slow Slow...Sign of aging....

The news has been talking about a famous singer in TW looking all out of shape nowadays. (She is 49 now) I guess everyone does age, even the stars. It's always shocking to see a person after years of not seeing them. Some people stay looking young, and you wonder if they went through plastic surgery. Some people look a lot older, and then you wonder what they went through in life while you lost in touch with them.

Howard wanted to cancel our "composition" appt. tonight cuz he didn't really come up with anything. For some reason I was not even surprised at all. I think I have learned not to ever expect anything on time from Howard. (cuz I never got anything from him right on the deadline I gave him.)

For some reason, I think Howard would be the type of person who would not age much even if you don't see him for years. I guess that is why I like working with him even though I always have to wait forever. He is quite young at heart that his ideas are usually pretty refreshing and creative. I guess good stuff is worth the wait.

The fact Howard started working and is getting older (so he needs to earn his own living) makes everything even harder. People who like working with him would just have to be patient, like how I am now....right....patience is a virtue.

I got tired after walking one lap at the park last night. I am not sure if it's because I have been teaching too much for the past two days, or maybe I am just aging. Maybe it's the fact that we haven't walk for a long time thus my aging body just couldn't sustain the energy? I know...it's a little annoying when one is not even 30 and she old talking about how old she feels....but again....I never felt that young ever since I started living by myself.

Hades has been sleeping a lot recently. He is also moving a lot slower nowadays unless he is playing his earplug or eating his food. I guess Hades is also getting old. Slowness is a sign of aging....I think I should get him to exercise a little since I don't want him to leave me any time soon....

Restart

May 1st, time to restart my blog which was stopped for a week or so. For those of you smart enough to look elsewhere, you would still know I was alive....

I have been looking at Scott's pictures for few days now. Sometimes I just couldn't help envying how many places he traveled through. I think currently he is at Holland or something. It sure feels awesome to be free and traveling in Europe. I guess one would never realize how great freedom is until you lose it.

Every thing is relative really. I just taught 4 students last night cuz of auditions coming up for the kids. I used to think I would die teaching 3 students a day, but today I feel 3 is not too bad a number after I tried 4. It all depends on what students you put in one day too though...if you put the crappy ones all together, even two would kill you. (Having that in mind I would still stick with 3/day...maybe 4-5 days/ week if possible)

Katty moved out on Sun, but came back to visit last night. It's funny how she misses Hades, and even more funny that I started missing her this morning. Feeling is a weird thing. I don't even hang out with Katty that much at all, but then having her around was kinda nice. I am glad when I got home last night Billy was around, or else I might feel a little empty when the apart is empty. I wonder how Hades deals with it when nobody is home.

Minghuan wrote me a message on Friendster yesterday. It felt kinda odd to get a note from her saying she misses me. I mean....she was always that China girl who I looked up to and compete with while I was in high school. She was always the 1st pet of Julia and I was always the 2nd one....(not exactly a pet like she was, but I always knew Julia loved my talent and my brain.) I guess the only difference is that she was always very good at violin and I was good at almost everything....(wahahahahha.....there we go again...too proud of my juices up in the head. Thanks dad and mom....hehehehe....but because of this I never learned to concentrate on anything....guess that is the down side...)

I still remember how I always get very encouraged and inspired by Minghuan's playing and wanted to practice just so someday I would play as good. (I never practice as much as she did though....I think if I did the same hours I would die...) I think competition was probably the only thing that kept me going in music. I guess when there is no goal and direction in life I just lose my interest in everything....just like when she graduated I was a bit lost having nobody around to compete with.

I heard that Minghuan married a doctor. (...like all musicians must marry a doctor....it's the formula which goes around in the classical music circle.) People always get amazed when a musician settles down, and I was a little bit shocked about her marriage as well. (I think she got married two years ago? not even sure) She said she is still trying to play the violin....I guess "trying" was never my case...I "played" the violin (no matter how good or bad), and now I don't. hahahaha...

I found a CD which was recorded in my sophomore recital while I was cleaning up stuff from the shelf. I didn't have the courage to listen but then was quite fascinated by the memory of how much I practiced during those good old times. If I thought about how being a musician does not guarantee a good career by then, I probably would of change my major or something. I guess people are always once a fool when they were young....

Ok...too much memory talks....making me feel like I am an old man.