Last Call

My best friend Ho-Ching just left us last night, 32 years old, just about one month before her 33rd BD.

Robert called me this morning, and when he told me he has a news for me I knew what was coming. People I met during those years all knew not to bother me if there is nothing important, but I really didn't feel like I wanted to hear this "important news".

Robert told me that some of Ho-Ching's friends knew she wanted to come to LA in summer for someone's wedding. After sorting through her friends in LA, they thought I would probably be the one getting married. That is also why Robert called me to inform me cuz now Ho-Ching will not have to make the trip any more.

Last Fri I called her around 3 in the morning while I couldn't sleep. We talked and she was telling me how it's getting more painful for her to start each day. I have been hearing that from her ever since I got stuck in LA three years ago. I don't think things ever got better for her, and yet she continued to work cuz she could not stand being useless and bored with her life.

I still remember how she was excited that she would finally get a chance to come back and visit LA...cuz her mom allowed her to come back if it's me getting married. I remembered inviting her to come and travel with us afterwards cuz I thought it would probably be her last chance to travel around.

I remembered how she felt worse week after week. We both realized the trip probably would not happen and then kinda stopped talking about it. I thought by not keeping our hopes up maybe some sort of miracle would occur out of the blue. I thought I would probably be able to see her at least when I am able to go visit TW again next year.

I really don't know how I am feeling now. I think it's sinking into me min by min. Wen-Shin just wrote me an e-mail to tell me about this again. Some weird memories came back to me, and I wonder if I should let Wen know about this too. Man...I never thought I would lose a close friend at this age even though I knew it would probably be sooner than I expect.

How can the call last week be our last phone call ever?