what stage of life?

Last night a friend told me that she has been going through counseling sessions and discovering things that she wasn't aware of in her life. I guess it's never an easy process for one to really dig out things in life and digest them, but it's always better than not being aware of things. I wonder how many people actually spend the time to analyze and think through steps they take in their lives....cuz everything in life sure is a consequence of previously made decisions.

I was also reading Ivan's blog yesterday. It seems like this kid has been having a lot of frustrations in life. I guess school is really not his thing and I have no idea what he really wants to do in life. It's not always easy for people who are not exactly suitable in the school system to survive their adolescent years. I guess it's ironic when you think of it. The best students at schools don't always end up great at the end anyway....and yet the school years do mode us into certain personalities. I guess all environments we go through do have some effects on our lives.

I guess sometimes we just run out of energy with things we do everyday. We get tired of thinking, tired of working, tired of surviving...and tired of all the bad things around us....but then unfortunately we are still here alive in this world. Sylvia was telling me that there are so many things in life which we cannot control and I totally agree with it. To agree on that does not mean we are happy with the statement....and yet....such is life....

more shocked ?

Hui-Ling jie got on MSN today to tell me that Mary's dad died. I was like....what? how? it's not like he was sick or anything.... What happened was that Mary's dad got hit by a bus when he was riding on his bicycle... It's not like I know him all that much, but I remember how her parents always wanted to hear me playing the violin whenever church events were talked about. I remember having a thanksgiving dinner with them few years back. I remember how Mary always wanted her parents to become Christians. I think he finally became one but I am not sure. It's surely depressing to hear two deaths in two days. I hope the family will be alright with this sudden death.....

Shocked

http://www.wretch.cc/blog/seeyouband/25991557

This morning I saw a friend's msn name saying "the jazz drum king at TW died" and I was like....who? only to find out it's the "little blue" who used to go on tours with us later. It came as a big shocker for me. I remember seeing him on some Christian news and thinking how wonderful it is that he is now always touring for ministries and seems to make a difference with his life....and now he is dead?

When we 1st toured with little blue, he always tells us what big shots he used to work for. He plays super loud so we couldn't really hear ourselves. We liked joking with him cuz you never know what was gonna be said from his mouth. At that time he still couldn't quit smoking so baba from Singapore would tell us to pray over that and don't look at him any differently. We used to think it was amusing to tour around with such a guy cuz of his interesting hair style. He used to also wear leather pants and we would joked about how handsome he looked...We were sleeping on this church floor one time in Malaysia for few days, and we laughed at him for how loud he snored....ah all those fun times...

I have no idea why this kinda thing happens.....just when something was seemingly working for his life. You wonder why God wants to take lives of certain people cuz they are actually trying to do good on this world. Maybe whatever we are trying is really not that important for God. Maybe little blue is in heaven now cuz God wants to give him a better life. I guess I really would have no way of knowing other than being a little depressed about it...

Difficulties understanding whatever that is in this world....

Weather in LA has been crazy for the past year. It was super hot for the past week, and then started raining yesterday. The thunders were powerful and the huge sound created made Hades anxious I think. It's basically 20 + degrees lower today, and understanding this kinda weather at the end of May becomes just a little difficult.

Bible study last night went more like a drag than the normal drag toward the end of the session. Whatever people do out of good intension can always turn out to be unsatisfying. People argue for the sake of arguing and you wonder what gets done with all those time wasted arguing if what they want is not really to hear what others have to say. Telling people to be a good listener is always easier than shutting our own mouths. I sometimes wonder what is the point of studying the bible when you really have no intension of knowing the bible more. Understanding the situation becomes difficult for me sometimes.

Ivor was chatting with me from TW yesterday. Yeah he is back at TW once again...still trying to do music. I wonder why people try so hard to establish something in music when what they can provide is really not what is needed. Ivor is talented enough in writing music and I am sure his music is worth of some value....so I am still hoping the best for him....but for some other people I know....I just don't understand what they are striving for? Is it just because they have nothing else to do so that is why they are trying to create this imaginary talent of music which others don't see? I don't know....sometimes I have difficulties understanding what I am trying in my life as well.

Janelle and Jenny's mom is going through her cancer treatments. It's been years since I last saw them and visited them in Colorado. I guess things just happen. It seems like their family went through a lot of stuff, and surviving as a female pastor really didn't work all that well for their mom. Sometimes it becomes hard to tell why there were always people problems around her cuz I was never there to witness, but then you wonder if everyone who clings to God so much is doing what God really wanted. It is indeed difficult to be able to tell what God wants us to fulfill with our lives on this planet earth...do we have a predesignated path to walk? or don't we?

Charlene was telling me that Jay was coming back home last night so she was gonna stay up and wait for him. She told me that I am such a lucky person I don't have to go through all those waiting. I guess I am lucky in that sense....but then sometimes I don't understand what she is so worried about. I tend to think if a guy is not able to tell who he should concentrate on and come back to....then let them be.....cuz no matter how much you cling on to them it would not change anything at the end. After all they can be physically together with you when they are home and yet still think about others or go with other when they are on business trips. The clinging nature of female never really changed anything in the affair history right? It gets difficult for me to understand why the female spices are always so afraid of losing the males? Is it because they think the sole value existence of themselves all depend on the opposite sex? I wonder...

So I guess I have difficulties understanding a lot of things in this world, and yet I still get entertained watching everything....if not annoyed by some of them. The annoying parts eventually I will just turn my face away....just so I can enjoy watching others....

Growing up? Is it a must?

A friend from USC called this morning. It's funny that we were talking for almost one hour and yet we were really never all that close when we were back in school. I recently got reconnected with her because of an e-mail she gave me a while back telling me how her brother got cancer and wanted me to pray over this matter. Her brother is only a year older than us (31) and having stomach cancer at this age is devastating.

I went to play for her sister's wedding a few weeks back too, and I guess seeing my friend 1st time in many many years was interesting. She was still very uplifted and energetic, but sure looked older than when we were at school. I guess we are all growing old, and we only notice it when looks are compared after a long while....

A few weeks ago I started asking her about some teacher's association issues since some of my students' parents absolutely want to force their kids to go through the tests. We started chatting a little more than before, and yes....once my ability of "getting more information than I needed" kicked in, I found myself listening to her life issues....

Apparently her relationship with this white dude is supposed to lead into marriage, but then her mom is kinda stopping it without saying so. She had always been a very very hard worker since she was in school. She was very into making money teaching and gigging whenever there was a chance. She is now teaching at this small university that I don't even know down in Irvine after she got her DMA...and still teaching back in Arcadia during weekends. I used to wonder why she would work so hard, but now I realize (after she told me her family stories a little) that she just wanted to be independent and away from her family.

I guess growing up is a pain in the ass. I used to tutor a lot when I was in school too. All I wanted was to sustain whatever living expenses I absolutely needed to afford. That wasn't all that hard when I was living by myself and paying 400 for rent. I was able to even enjoy life a little whenever I had to go out and hang out with friends. Money issues never really crossed my mind much. Making money was easy and spending money was easy...and it was not the only thing I had to worry about cuz I needed to practice and study....on top of my relationships with whoever...

Now we are all grown up, more things worry us. We are just taught to worry about things we don't have. We worry about our career cuz age means you got to have something to prove yourself with. We worry about not having our own house cuz nobody is supposed to keep on renting forever after they are all grown up. Girls worry about not getting married cuz the older you grow the more depreciated you get. After one gets married then you can surely worry about marriage not working out....and also the issues of having kids or not....like life is really all about how people look at us....and at the end.....nobody really cares about your life cuz they are all worried about theirs at the same time...

I told her I would give her all the resources I had with my wedding if saving money is what she needs. I really don't know if she would get married any time soon though...but if it is really such a big thing in people's lives I guess I would like to help a little as long as I don't dislike the people getting married too much. :p Anyway.....I still think it's quite interesting how growing up is such a pain in the ass....and also interesting how friendship sometimes just come at unexpected times....

Sleeping habbits....

I have been waking up early for the past few days. Maybe my body is already used to not sleeping enough. Maybe it is the heat that is going crazy for the past few days. Maybe it's just the sun coming brighter each morning. Don't know what is really the reason but then not sure if sleeping less is better either. Hades is also going through a cycle which does not allow me to sleep all the way through the night. He always comes back into the room trying to wake me up in the middle of the night just so I can pet him for a while. I wonder what is his problem....but at least he gets to sleep during day time so I guess life is unfair after all....lol

Summer is coming and supposedly I will have less to do since students will be traveling and staying in TW here and there. I wonder how many students I will actually teach in the summer....maybe like 4? haha....I wish I can just be like the teachers who work in schools at TW so I get a vacation and still get paid for summer.....on top of that not worrying about not getting the students back if I disappear for 2 months. Anyway....maybe I can try to sleep more during summer since I will have too much time.....lol....

A VERY familiar wedding indeed....

Louie had a wedding today, and Billy was the translator for it. I turned down on playing for the wedding and I am glad I did....cuz under this kinda crazy weather (over 100 degrees) my violin could of died....but of course sun wasn't really the reason....lol....Poor Billy had to wear the long sleeve shirt + suit under the sun and it was not even his own wedding...lol....Jay was the best man so he also suffered. I think Charlene and I had more fun chatting and taking pics than watching the wedding. Here are just few pictures from the wedding....

The sun was REALLY bright....I guess it made today a good photo day. :)

This is just a photo for the food dad didn't get to eat at our own wedding....funny story that I am not gonna repeat here...:p

These were taken at the dinner. I think 2nd photo has an antic feeling to it cuz of the lighting :)

I have to say it was entertaining to see how many things looked quite familiar. I guess we did have a good wedding last July so people can copy from it.....I am glad we had our wedding 1st and it was BETTER.....yes....I am competitive....I know.....lol....

P.S. I was very amused even Jay's mom was able to recognize the dress of the bride looked like my dress. I guess when an older person notices that it certainly is obvious....but it's ok....mine was better on that too....ok....I should quit comparing since I am satisfied now....hahahahaha :)

Going to weddings surely still feel tiring to me....not one of my favorite activities....orz...(of course unless I am playing for the wedding and making easy bucks from it...lol....)

Stupid event preparation....

Jay called yesterday to ask if we would be willing to help out at this charity event that was organized for the earthquake in China. Even though it was a very last min thing that my previous boss asked Jay to do, I said yes because I thought it was for a good cause. We tried to go to the rehearsal for one song last night, and the result kinda turned out to be ridiculous.

1st of all....everything was kinda diff. from what my ex-boss told Jay on the phone. The song turned out to be something composed by a woman who was more into showing off her song than doing some good. She was eager to show everyone that her daughter can sing and play the violin, and wanted the whole arrangement to be more complicated than the song would ever need. Furthermore.... we found out that the venue would not even have a sound system for the band to use.

The end result of this big joke is that all kids called to help as a "mini children choir" wasted a lot of time hanging around. The band members left after around 1 hour...doing nothing plus listening to the husband of the composer boasting about the whole event. Later they found out there will be no piano to use in the venue, and the composer insisted on coming up with some tracks recorded in the morning for the event tonight.

What do I think of the whole thing? I think stupid parents should quit being proud of their not so talented kids. People should quit showing off when there is obviously something more imp to do. Pastors should know how to say no to some people who die to have a stage unless they are planning to handle and help the situation themselves. and....people who died or have families and friends injured in the earthquakes....probably don't freaking care what kinda show you put together. They probably just need the money to rebuild everything....End of my thoughts....

Heart of a child?

I was watching the interview of two good friends on the "life show" from TW again. People being interviewed were famous pop star 陳昇 and famous writer 成英姝. In the interview they were talking about why traveling is imp for people. The writer said it's imp cuz you get to see diff. places, diff. people, diff. ways of living, and get to experience diff. cultures. The pop star (who also writes) said something that interested me more....He said...."Traveling is imp for creativities. If you live the same life every day, you get stoned easily. Your head stalls and your brain does not sparkle any more. When you are traveling....because of the distances and the change of environment, your thoughts and heart transforms into something diff....which....gives you good raw materials for what you write and create...."

I have to say this particular singer interests me a lot ever since I bumped into a book he wrote. He is really not a very good singer at all, and yet he survived in the industry for over 20 years now. I think he is really an artist who appreciates all sorts of art cuz among his friends there are writers, painters, comic writers, producers, etc. What attracts me from this pop singer is how he is willing to get in touch with all sorts of aspects in life. It just seems like he can enjoy everything that is around him and time becomes meaningless. His spontaneous way of living gives him a lot more inspirations and creativities. His ability to taste life while he goes to diff. places enlarges his territory in everything.

Not like he sings well or looks handsome really (It's probably the exact opposite to be honest)... It's just his attitude of exploring and enjoying life that seems cool to me. There just seems to be so much freedom....Maybe....it's just a heart that is more like a child....

Just wondering....

I knew two people for a few years, and nobody really knew if they were really going out. The guy always said the girl was his GF, and the girl never admitted. The situation remained that way as long as I knew them. They were working closely in a music group at the same time, and everyone watching them from the outside couldn't figure out what exactly was going on. We just thought things would resolve if they hang on long enough.

The guy went back to HK last year and the girl stayed in LA. Last week I got this e card on facebook from the guy with his wedding photos. The wedding is in May, and the bride is not the girl in LA. More interestingly...the LA girl just changed her status to "engaged" on facebook....and I guess it's obvious enough she is not engaged to the same guy either. The speed of how things happened was kinda shocking, at the same time very entertaining as if it's a competition.

The story actually sounds familiar to many. I am sure there are plenty of situations like this...which makes me wonder why people spend so much energy chasing after a certain person... only at the end realizing marrying another person would be much easier? If one likes a person so much to linger around for such a long time, then how would it be so easy to convince oneself to go with another person? Is it because he/she never really liked the 1st person but was afraid to lose face giving up? or is it because the 2nd person that comes alone is the true love thus moving on becomes much easier? Why do people insist on getting stuck in a certain situation when it's not working out? Can't they tell when things are really not moving along the right direction?

Well....not like all my questioning make any difference in life.....Just wondering that is all.....

Two photos in a long while

There is really not much to talk in life recently....even the weather is kinda annoying and cloudy....Didn't even really take any photos for a long time since we didn't do anything or go anywhere that interesting....SO here are two photos for the month of April and May...orz...

Both photos were taken last weekend. 1st one was the breakfast Billy cooked on Sat. 2nd one the sukiyaki he cooked for the next night....both were pretty good...

What good are love letters really?

I have been listening and discussing about relationship/marriage issues with few friends for the past few days. I have to say things in this world are really not that encouraging....

This morning I was reading song of Solomon with my daily devotions. It was around 5-6 that Solomon was having problem with his wife....and in the "observation" part of the life lessons, the author wrote "Marriage has several elements: love, commitment, sexual desire, admiration, and friendship. As a marriage matures, so does the commitment to resolve problems and to deepen the friendship". I wonder how many people are actually able to do that. 1st of all there may be no friendship to start with so how do you deepen it? and then commitment....yeah....like it can be done just by saying it....

One thing I find funny is how Solomon writes as if he is so devoted and committed to his wife cuz she is the best he could find....and then it's not like we don't know how many wives he has. I wonder what the heck he was thinking then. It becomes too easy for people to say how much they love a person nowadays nobody bothers to prove it with actions any more. Things are just easier said than done....Maybe it started with Solomon's love letters? Say it 1st anyway and then so something else later on....Is that why there are so many affairs no matter what we promise each other? hum....

Maybe....it's bad genes Solomon got from his dad David....I was watching a TV interview with this famous "women's right movement" advocate called 施寄青. Her sons were in this interview with her, and when the host asked her what she wants with her son's relationships she said "well...I don't really care if they get married or not cuz marriage is not always a good thing....but if they do....I only want them to have no affairs. However....I would not be able to guarantee they will have no affairs because they do get bad genes on that aspect." She had a divorce herself because her husband was having affair with another woman. Isn't it just amazing how parents can affect their next generation so much? I think it's absolutely scary and depressing at times....

Showing irritations

Hades has been behaving kinda weird for the past few days. I think he was trying to show me that he wasn't too happy for all the days we had gone mixing and left him alone at home. He started scratching stuff at night trying to wake me up just to pet him, and refused to sleep on the bed even when I brought him up to the bed. Over the weekend we were out most of the time too and I noticed him scratching his mouth severely yesterday. I was annoyed by him last night when he started scratching again, and kicked him out of the room in the middle of the night. I think he got really upset about that cuz this morning I noticed that he has a spot on his chest that is over licked and tangled with blood again.....which I am pretty sure was done by his irritated over licking through the night.....sighs....

Ann was chatting with me this morning, and told me that she broke up 6 months ago. I actually heard about it from Jacob, but then hearing it from her was quite diff. It was a 5 year relationship which ended because the guy didn't want to get married. I don't know why but most of us musicians do have commitment problems....and I was a bit surprised that Ann really is someone who wants to have a marriage and settle down. It also amazes me that she turned into someone who has a strong faith on God cuz she only went to church because of her ex, and now the situation has turned up side down.

Ann just recently got a job with a band and they will be touring in all diff. continents. I have to admit the idea of touring while working just sounds very fascinating to me. I wonder how one can deal with that kinda traveling when married. I guess you just can't get everything you want in the world...which....of course is disappointing....oh well....nothing is perfect I guess.

Better wash Hades later so he feels better on his skin. I hope it helps on his skin irritation...this cat is surely hard to deal with just like me.....

Production....

All 4 songs are mixed now....and that is about it....We will see when it will be our turn to do the mastering, design, printing, etc.....basically everything getting stuck because of the stupid forever lasting HI project....oh well....like I said....not the 1st time my life gets stuck over HI stuff so I am trained. Howard is sick, I am sick, and Jacob is tired....so I guess everyone burnt out at the same time. Billy has been supportive and went to the mixing sessions three days in a row. I guess it's good to have a positive person around but then he thought the mixes were kinda in a rush?

Well.....things in the music world is like this....When you have the money you take things slow. When you think you have the favor from everyone and everyone needs to go according to you then you take things slow (that is in the case of PC...). When you don't have the money you kinda rush to get things done in a short period of time....and....when you think people are already doing you a lot of favors and you truly appreciate it you try to make everyone's work shorter and more bearable by shortening time which you would rather spend more.

One good lesson I learned through production is : You push for everything you want to the last sec, and after that you just have to understand there are certain things people cannot achieve. Giving up early sucks, and looking back also sucks. Usually people only see my pushy side though....I guess they just don't realize how I rarely listen to past projects I did. Looking back just does not help moving fwd too much. I certainly learned not to forget favors people give me. Using people is not cool when they find out at the end you were using them. I guess maintaining good personal and working relationships will make things go longer. Things do spread fast in musician's world....

Anyway.....Doing a lot of data copying from HD and my HD is kinda slow and stupid....just hoping it does not die any time soon....:p