Attachment theory?

Hades' eye got much better after 1st day of the eye drops. I guess as long as he gets better the money spent was worth it. He got into a better mood, but still beats Mintie up whenever he feels like it. I really hope this domestic violence thing can soon be solved in their relationship.....

I was reading about this thing called 依附風格 from a friend's website and later one found out through some questions that I belong to the category of 逃避依附....which I guess was not surprising at all since from all the psychological tests I have always showed some attachment (or rather detachment) problems. My attachment style is known to be dangerous for relationships and marriages, and I guess that is also not hard to tell from people who know me well.On the other hand, Billy belongs to the 安全依附 group...which I guess is good for all sorts of relationships no matter who he is with....

SO I guess Billy is on a dangerous boat with me...we will see if this boat stays sailing for a while...Here is a link for the whole attachment theory which was supposedly developed in the 80s if anyone is interested....

Here is the simple description of the 2 adult attachment styles Billy and I have (from Wikipedia) with simple explanation on attachment styles 1st...

Attachment styles

Adults have four attachment styles: secure, anxious-preoccupied, dismissive avoidant, and fearful avoidant. The secure attachment style in adults corresponds to the secure attachment style in children. The anxious-preoccupied attachment style in adults corresponds to the anxious/ambivalent attachment style in children. However, the dismissive avoidant attachment style and the fearful avoidant attachment style, which are distinct in adults, correspond to a single avoidant attachment style in children. The descriptions of adult attachment styles offered below are based on the relationship questionnaire devised by Bartholomew and Horowitz^[6] and on a review of studies by Pietromonaco and Barrett.^[7]

There are several attachment-based treatment approaches that can be used with adults.^[8] In addition, there is an approach to treating couples based on attachment theory.^[9]

Secure attachment

Securely attached people tend to agree with the following statements: "It is relatively easy for me to become emotionally close to others. I am comfortable depending on others and having others depend on me. I don't worry about being alone or having others not accept me." This style of attachment usually results from a history of warm and responsive interactions with relationship partners. Securely attached people tend to have positive views of themselves and their partners. They also tend to have positive views of their relationships. Often they report greater satisfaction and adjustment in their relationships than people with other attachment styles. Securely attached people feel comfortable both with intimacy and with independence. Many seek to balance intimacy and independence in their relationships.

Dismissive-avoidant attachment

People with a dismissive style of avoidant attachment tend to agree with these statements: "I am comfortable without close emotional relationships. It is very important to me to feel independent and self-sufficient, and I prefer not to depend on others or have others depend on me." People with this attachment style desire a high level of independence. The desire for independence often appears as an attempt to avoid attachment altogether. They view themselves as self-sufficient and invulnerable to feelings associated with being closely attached to others. They often deny needing close relationships. Some may even view close relationships as relatively unimportant. Not surprisingly, they seek less intimacy with relationship partners, whom they often view less positively than they view themselves. Investigators commonly note the defensive character of this attachment style. People with a dismissive-avoidant attachment tend to suppress and hide their feelings, and they tend to deal with rejection by distancing themselves from the sources of rejection (i.e., their relationship partners).

Fearful-avoidant attachment

People with a fearful style of avoidant attachment tend to agree with the following statements: "I am somewhat uncomfortable getting close to others. I want emotionally close relationships, but I find it difficult to trust others completely, or to depend on them. I sometimes worry that I will be hurt if I allow myself to become too close to others." People with this attachment style have mixed feelings about close relationships. On the one hand, they desire to have emotionally close relationships. On the other hand, they tend to feel uncomfortable with emotional closeness. These mixed feelings are combined with negative views about themselves and their partners. They commonly view themselves as unworthy of responsiveness from their partners, and they don't trust the intentions of their partners. Similarly to the dismissive-avoidant attachment style, people with a fearful-avoidant attachment style seek less intimacy from partners and frequently suppress and hide their feelings.