Nightmares?

I have been having quite a number of nightmares recently. It's really quite weird since I am a person who does not really dream when I sleep. I wonder if it's because of the stress I have been having recently since most of the time my nightmares would be somehow related to issues I am stressed about in life.

Tiffany was telling me how she grinds her teeth while she was sleeping, and she never did that in her whole life. I told her to go see a shrink cuz she also cannot stop biting her nails. I personally think the stress is related to her dad being here again. Annie also told me that she grinds her teeth, and the stress is from her mom. So...I guess I may be grinding my teeth after a while if I keep on having weird nightmares for a while...

Billy went to work around midnight on Sat. and didn't come home until around 6 or so Sunday morning. I guess he really has a lot of stuff to take care of at work since he took so much time off for the trip. I was not able to sleep almost for the whole night cuz all of a sudden I was missing the snoring sound next to me. I guess people do get used to things easily, and I was probably worried about him driving without having enough rest even though he had my car to talk to.....

I was trying to sleep more this morning to make up for all the lost hours, but what I got was more nightmares. I am not sure what the content was, but the virgo guy was involved....I really don't think dreaming means better sleeping quality even though that is what Billy thinks. Anyway.....just want to make a note on my newly developed problem....

Where is da sista?

We have been playing with our new car (Acura TSX) since Thurs night. The car is equipped with some interesting functions which kept us entertained such as ability to memorize diff driver seat settings (up to two only...but it's quite interesting how the car can adjust the seat setting just by which remote control you use...oh...and it would say "welcome, driver 2", but it does mention anything about driver 1...kinda makes me disappointed being driver one...hahaha....), built in blue tooth phone system, built in remote control for up to three garage doors, etc.

The voice that talks in the TSX can either be female or male. Billy 1st set the voice to be female and wrote on his blog about how he hopes I will not to change our TSX from a "she" to "he". I cracked up when I read his blog last night cuz I just changed the voice to male in the afternoon yesterday. I guess all guys do want their cars or instruments to be their babes. It's quite entertaining really... I thought it would be cool if they put some famous voices for choices...imagine how it's gonna be if you have Jack Nicholson talking to you when you drive.

We dropped Annie off at her house since her car was at repair shop. Billy turned on the phone function when we drove home...just to talk to the car. He was throwing questions like "What else can you do?", and the car was saying "pardon?" all the time....at the end....Billy asked..."where is your sister?"....wa lei....like the car is really a person and has a whole family hiding somewhere....hahahaaha.......That just shows you how self entertained people get...

Summer schedule has been a mess...

Summer schedule has been a mess cuz of the wedding and how my students always have this and that coming up...I just finished all students for this week and I am really looking forward to not teaching for the next three days. I guess I should really not complain about teaching at all, since a lot of kids will be gone starting Aug. Few of them will be at TW for the rest of the summer, and many of them are going to travel with families and friends.

I think at least 5 of my students are going to Alaska in Aug. I wonder why everyone is going to Alaska. I wanted to go years ago with my family but then dad and mom ended up not coming for that summer. Accidents just happen everywhere I guess. They said it's 7 years ago...I don't even remember that being so long ago. I don't think I am that into Alaska now since everyone is going nowadays.

Melody's mom told me the reason why everyone is going there is because most of people cannot get their passports on time to travel overseas. (Some sort of screw up by the government again...but I don't have to worry about it since I don't have US passport anyway....:p). Yeah....I guess my students are all rich enough to travel overseas every year...Maybe I should start looking for more students since I will be really bored and not making much money in Aug when everyone is gone... I just don't know if I will be up to all the teaching when school starts though...

Maybe I should just enjoy my time in Aug and take a trip somewhere. Maybe I should write a few songs so my skills won't get rusted. (If there is any skill at all....hahaha) Maybe I should just spend more time with Hades...(but then he just keeps on sleeping a lot nowadays.) I hope his health is alright. It gets me worried when he only sleeps and does nothing. Anyway...It just seems like life is still not back to normal yet....after all those months of hoping for stability...

Some people are fat for a reason....

I went to AAA this morning to see if I can get a quote for the new car we are gonna get pretty soon. The agent who was helping (or not helping) me was a fat Mexican woman who was about three times my size. (Believe me....I am not that small in Asian size already...and she was 3 times bigger.)

I asked her to give me a quote on Billy and my new car so we can probably insure together when I get the new car next week since we are married. 1st she only gave me a quote on the new car with my name only, and then all of a sudden she said "if you two are not gonna insure together I will have to put him on the exclusion list since you are in the same household." I was thinking....what the heck....even the car rental companies understand spouses drive each other's cars, and now you want to "exclude" my husband cuz he is living with me?

I kept my cool and just asked her to quote us for both my car and Billy's s 2000. The price was not that appealing and she was not even trying to answer all my questions. She really didn't look like she wanted my business and her math was ridiculous. 1st she asked Billy's BD and said we would just assume he got his license when he was 18. SO...1972+18 became 1992...what the heck?

I was so annoyed about her attitude and dumbness I just asked her if I can insure Billy for the last week I have remaining with my Altima. She looked in her computer and tried to be busy for 5 min....and then she told me...."I can't tell you how much it's gonna cost for a week, but I can tell you if you want to insure him for the remaining of your policy till end of May next year it's gonna be around 600." Right....Didn't you just hear me telling you the lease is up on Aug 1st THIS YEAR?

I tell you.....some people are fat cuz it's genetic. Some people are fat cuz they eat too much and have no control.....and some people....are....fat....because they are lazy and probably eat too much at the same time. (or maybe they are lazy because they are too fat...I don't know...goes both ways...) At the end I just told that lady to forget about everything and I am not gonna let Billy drive my car for a week. (Even if I do let him drive...I am not gonna tell you...cuz you probably wouldn't remember anyway....) AAA is not getting another cent from me then....and I may just cancel the whole policy in Aug when the lease is up.

Conclusion of this story....When people don't want your business....just give them no business....I am sure there are others who want it.

What if waiting is eternal?

I have been waiting for photos people took from our wedding cuz I want to get the complete collection before we make a DVD for grandma to watch. The thing is....it's terribly hard to get anything from anyone. We didn't even get photos from our hired photographer even though it's been more than two weeks from the wedding....and of course all the friends who took photos are too busy to burn a disc for us...oh well...what is the surprise here? It's not their wedding after all....

I wanted to put some postings on our wedding and the trip, but then just has not been in the mood recently. I wanted to just post Joelle's blog since she wrote a pretty long one on our wedding. I am not sure if that is a good thing though....cuz I am not sure if everyone reading that writing will be happy....hahahaha....(I was pretty content with the writing...so I am not complaining :p)

I have also been waiting for my life to get back to calmness. I can't even seem to read a complete book or write something smoothly. I can't remember when was the last time I was able to just do something I like without worrying about other issues. I guess there is no worry free life anyway, but I don't get why there needs to be more and more troubles in life just because we grow older each day. Maybe that is why people look forward to eternal rest so much?

We are always waiting for something better to happen in life....but what is the point waiting anyway? Are things really going to get better just because we hope they will? Are they gonna move in any directions we want just because we sit there and wait? What if waiting is eternal and you never get it at the end? Isn't it gonna be ironic when we go up to so called "heaven" and then find out it's really not that impressive after all? That idea amuses me really.

Hey people think I am quite negative on views of life....at least I get entertained with my black humor....no matter how cynical it gets. Does life get better because we ignore the black sides? yeah....right....I am sure someone would say "Does life get better when you always look at the bad sides?"....I guess I just like dealing with the reality more than dealing with the dreams....just not a dreamer....maybe there is something wrong with that too.

I was reading what Joelle wrote on her blog today. Quite inspiring how everything is relative....I guess only people weird like us can actually jump out of situations and get analytical as if we weren't in the shit itself...Anyway....meeting her tonight....finally meeting someone who I can talk to without worrying about what I say in the longest time ever....

Not as expected...

There are a lot of things in life that you just can't have too much expectations on....cuz things don't happen as we wish anyway.

I thought life would get much more relaxing after the whole wedding episode, but that was some sort of wishful thinking. Dental visit this morning wasn't all that pleasant. My cold sore right on the lip wasn't helping the whole process, and the stupid assistant kept on touching the spot even though the doctor told him to stay away from it. I guess some people are just not meant to do certain jobs.

The crown for this tooth shall be done after two weeks. I will have to pull out two of my wisdom teeth and one tooth which only has half left on the top in the future. I guess it's just an endless process and hopefully next time I won't have to deal with two pains at the same time.

My "crazy-on-socializing" mother in law complained about not seeing me much thus making it hard for her to get to know me more. I wonder how much she got to know me through all those big group eat outs/gatherings over the past year. I wonder how much more she needs to know about me other than that I am quite anti-social when it comes to endless repetitive gatherings which is absolutely meaningless to me.

Billy reminded me pastor So warned us on how we are marrying not only to each other, but the families too. I don't know if he also remembers that pastor So warned him there is only so much I can take and things better not go over my limits before I snap. I personally don't think I am that dumb to think his family won't get in the way before we got married. I even know it will be the biggest problem of all to be honest. I just didn't expect there would be no boundaries with the way people should "interact" with each other. I now don't know if building up my own family is more imp than compromising with someone else's idea of families.

I thought I have already done enough of compromising and socializing, but apparently there is so much of me that people think they should KNOW. Aren't I just so special? I guess people just get really bored and want to mind others' business when they can't feel fulfilled in their own lives. I saw that with my own aunt this time and I guess those types of people are just everywhere. My way of dealing with those people is to stay away so there would not be conflict or confrontation someday....but I wonder what should happen when the other side just want to push it.

Look....I am just a loser musician who cannot do anything other than teaching private students to earn little money everyday. I lived by myself ever since 14 and survived whatever I needed to survive with lousy people around from ministries. I hate it when people intrude my space and life no matter how much they want to be friends. I hang out with people who I can feel free and comfortable with and those people are getting fewer each day. I have a cat that I love dearly and he has depressions because of me. What else is there to know about me?

It's tiring to fight

It's tiring to fight with people. It's tiring to fight with things. It's tiring to fight with environment. It's tiring to fight with ways of living. It's tiring to fight with Evil. It's tiring to fight with just about everything.....

Feeling kinda lost

Dad, mom, bros and cousin left last night....and I am feeling kinda lost. I guess for them to be around for a while was a good thing to take my mind off things. I am not really sure "officially" being married is better than "privately" being married. I guess I just hate publicity of any kind since everyone is trying to put their views of how everything should be on others once anything is being "public".

I am also not into big families at all. Growing up in big family makes me very annoyed to get another one to deal with after marriage. I really don't see needs of interacting with the same bunch of people constantly while there is not much to talk about and the best one can do is to look stupid and smile... (on top of that being bored and uncomfortable....plus wasting money eating instead of doing some other stuff more fun and meaningful....) Oh well...I guess I just reached my "socializing quota" with so called "families" for year 2007. Come to think of it, I don't even go to my own family functions here in LA which happens twice or three times a year....interesting enough....Maybe I should think about going to my own family things instead.

I guess I know why I feel a bit lost....cuz even though I am used to doing things by myself and stay a loner, now I have to deal with more than what I needed to when I was all by myself. The so called "mom's home" is too far away for me to hide, and the hubby's house is way too close for me to stay away. I have to say I was such a smart kid to always wanting to marry some orphan so at least I only have to deal with one person alone, not the whole pulling issues with the families involved.

I feel my anti-social spirit creeping out. I wonder how much harder I would have to work to push it back in this time. Of course there is always this "hanging out with friends like crazy" method but then now I feel like I have no friends since my relationship went public. Got to think about something else to deal with this.....maybe teaching like crazy would do....yeah...right...who am I lying to?

at Danville now...

Haven't been able to write anything since the wedding...Life has been super busy and I don't know if I will ever want to write about all that...Oh well..I guess I will write about some of it, and the rest will be a lot of pictures if I am up to it.

Anyway....we are at the middle of our family trip right now. We have been driving a lot and tomorrow will be our last day at Danville and then SF. I have been very tired and sleepy every single day cuz I haven't have any coffee for this trip. The kids are playing poker right now and it's already 12:22 AM...I guess they get to sleep on the car all the time that is why they are always energetic at night.

I wonder why Billy is still awake and playing with them cuz he has been driving a lot for the past few days..oh well...maybe he is still young after all....I am kinda worried about our trip to Reno cuz we will have to drive all the way from Reno back to LA on Sun. The intewview is really in the way of EVERYTHING.....but hopefully after it everything will be much easier regarding traveling..

I think I am kinda sleepy again cuz of all the wines we had in Napa and the wine we just had with the home made cheesecake....I think we are all getting real fat cuz we have been eating so much..sighs....to be continued...going to bed now :)

Isn't life just so exciting....

4 days left to the wedding...and people are still canceling or trying to invite themselves to the wedding...isn't it just amazing? I guess definition of friendship or any kinda relationship can be vastly diff. according to diff. people...You really never know how others take you as.

Today is July 4th, and I woke up early to teach 4 students straight from 10 in the morning. None of them really practiced.....oh well....what is so surprising of that right? Jean showed me clips of their European tour concerts, and told me stories of their choir director again. Yeah I still think he is pretty cute and talented, but too bad I am getting married in 4 days :p

My macbook died last night. I just have bad luck with mac notebooks I guess. This time it's the hard drive again, but at least it's still within my one year warrnaty. I will probably lose all my info on the computer though...which really sucks cuz last time I already lost all my previous e-mails, addresses, and some softwares. Maybe there will be miracle and they wil still be able to save my stuff from that crappy HD. I hope it will be repaired quickly so I will have it ready when we come back from the trip.

Tomorrow I will have to go and pay Almansor for our ceremony and banquet. I will also have to teach two kids in the afternoon and then drop my broken macbook at the mac store in Pasadena. We will have to go to the airport and rent a van to pick up the gang from TW. I think I am finally getting excited that they are coming and I will see them 1st time in years. I feel kinda weird since it's been such a long time. All the kids coming from TW are now grown up adults....quite amazing...

I just took a bath for Hades too since I won't have any time afterwards ...and we are going away for a while after wedding. I started missing him already even though we haven't leave for the trip yet. sounds funny I know...I hope he will enjoy his time with Nancy and feel alright that I am gonna be away for long. This is what attachment is like...gets kinda difficult at times....Isn't life just so exciting when everything is happening at the same time? sighs......

Officially fired James

I officially fired my student James today...(after so many endless and painful lessons in the past months). No...I was not being moody or mean...he earned this believe me...every bit if it. Let me describe what happened today here...

James was trying to drag the time by walking slowly, hiding in rooms, and going to restroom before the lesson started. (wasting at least 5 mins) He played terribly with this "ONE" page I gave him to work on for the past three weeks. (I taught him everything he needed to practice, and even practiced with him for times every single week during lesson...and he still plays IN A WRONG KEY cuz he does not give a damn about right notes.)

Since last week he promised to work on his assignment and I promised I would give him one more week as last chance I kept on listening and working with him till it was way too obvious he either chose to ignore whatever I marked or said, or he must be blind and deaf. 40 min through the lesson I stopped him and asked....

"So....tell me....you ever read anything I mark on your music or write on your notebook? not even after you asked for another chance last week right?" J: "nope" I said "so what do you supposed we should do now? I know you hate to practice and play violin but your dad wants you to. We have already went through this before and I promised you I would do my best to help and make your life easier if you make some effort. Do you ever keep your words?" J: "Sometimes...when I want to do it." Me: "Well....then it's obvious you don't want to keep your words on this case, and there is no point we keep on trying forever wouldn't you say?" J: "I don't know".... Me: "It's ok....You really don't have to know anything since I don't know is often your answer on everything. I KNOW I am not gonna get my life screwed over your attitude toward your life. It really does not matter to me how well you play violin if you don't need my help anyway. We will call it quits and you can try to find yourself another teacher and see if he/she will be able to teach you how to play without practicing."

I told James' mom there is no point for me to kill myself over something we all know not working. I understand how frustrated his parents are with him, but I am not about to ruin my own life with something I have already made enough effort on. I am not even charging my regular fee with them and apparently he does not appreciate any of it. James will have to learn his lessons with his bad attitude somewhere along the way in his life, but not with me any more. I wish he will be able to learn it sooner than later or more people will suffer around him.

James' mom is always embarrassed after his lessons. I feel bad for her cuz James has such a messed up personality he would slam the door on his mom or just about anybody....(even when he knows his dad will give him some spanking afterwards)...Anyway...he is out of my life now. I am going to keep my words and never take him back as a student. I am feeling very happy cuz a final decision is made and I no longer have to suffer from him.

I also just got an e-mail from grandpa Wen, saying he will like to come to the wedding. It's interesting how people decide to show up at a wedding last min. (or cancel of course...) Paul just called to say he cannot make it cuz he is going up to SF...sighs...I guess the number will work out just fine if Wen does come then....oh well...one less day before the whole troublesome event ends....Three more days of painful teaching....Looking fwd to it man....

It's July already....

Man....it's July already. I guess that is good in a way...it means we are closer to get everything done in July. It's exactly one week before the wedding now, and what I am really thinking is how to get over the next four days with my teaching schedule. I am actually REALLY looking fwd to NOT teach at all for two weeks even though I will have to work hard for the upcoming 4 days and also the day after everyone leaves on the 19th.

Billy got his ring last Sat, most of the stuff we need for the ceremony is ready. We gave the flower shop all the vases on Sat, and paid the remaining balance on the flowers. We also calculated how many guests we are gonna have. It's quite incredible at this point there are still guests trying to make changes. I hope we won't have to cancel any seats now cuz then we won't get our money back after we give them count of guests.

We even got our studio photos on time....even though they are missing three photos which they enlarged and put on the scroll for us. Billy's mom helped me notice we are missing three pictures in the albums. She is really good at paying attention to details I guess....quite useful at times. I am not sure we will have those three photos ready to add into the album before the wedding, but at least we do have some at hand.


I am still waiting for one of my dresses cuz the alternation of length is not done yet. The person is already running late and she said it's half way done only. Oh well...it's rare anyone delivers anything on time nowadays. Hopefully it will be ready by Thurs at least.

I also noticed myself being very irritated these few days. I guess I just feel it's not the right time to say "just more details to take care of" when it's about a week before the real thing as if there is still a whole month to look at DETAILS. I am already not in the chilling out kinda mood any more and want to just get everything over with. I guess I am just gonna hate the whole thing more and more till its OVER.

Pastor Jim talked about how we have to be persistent and never give up when asking for a miracle and blessings from God. Right....it's A LOT OF WORK....and dang it's GONNA HAPPEN...cuz if it's not, then what is the point being persistent? I am not gonna be all blind and say I am HAPPY about everything now, but I am just gonna work my butt off to believe everything is gonna be GREAT!!!!!!!!