Feeling kinda lost

Dad, mom, bros and cousin left last night....and I am feeling kinda lost. I guess for them to be around for a while was a good thing to take my mind off things. I am not really sure "officially" being married is better than "privately" being married. I guess I just hate publicity of any kind since everyone is trying to put their views of how everything should be on others once anything is being "public".

I am also not into big families at all. Growing up in big family makes me very annoyed to get another one to deal with after marriage. I really don't see needs of interacting with the same bunch of people constantly while there is not much to talk about and the best one can do is to look stupid and smile... (on top of that being bored and uncomfortable....plus wasting money eating instead of doing some other stuff more fun and meaningful....) Oh well...I guess I just reached my "socializing quota" with so called "families" for year 2007. Come to think of it, I don't even go to my own family functions here in LA which happens twice or three times a year....interesting enough....Maybe I should think about going to my own family things instead.

I guess I know why I feel a bit lost....cuz even though I am used to doing things by myself and stay a loner, now I have to deal with more than what I needed to when I was all by myself. The so called "mom's home" is too far away for me to hide, and the hubby's house is way too close for me to stay away. I have to say I was such a smart kid to always wanting to marry some orphan so at least I only have to deal with one person alone, not the whole pulling issues with the families involved.

I feel my anti-social spirit creeping out. I wonder how much harder I would have to work to push it back in this time. Of course there is always this "hanging out with friends like crazy" method but then now I feel like I have no friends since my relationship went public. Got to think about something else to deal with this.....maybe teaching like crazy would do....yeah...right...who am I lying to?