There are a lot of things in life that you just can't have too much expectations on....cuz things don't happen as we wish anyway.
I thought life would get much more relaxing after the whole wedding episode, but that was some sort of wishful thinking. Dental visit this morning wasn't all that pleasant. My cold sore right on the lip wasn't helping the whole process, and the stupid assistant kept on touching the spot even though the doctor told him to stay away from it. I guess some people are just not meant to do certain jobs.
The crown for this tooth shall be done after two weeks. I will have to pull out two of my wisdom teeth and one tooth which only has half left on the top in the future. I guess it's just an endless process and hopefully next time I won't have to deal with two pains at the same time.
My "crazy-on-socializing" mother in law complained about not seeing me much thus making it hard for her to get to know me more. I wonder how much she got to know me through all those big group eat outs/gatherings over the past year. I wonder how much more she needs to know about me other than that I am quite anti-social when it comes to endless repetitive gatherings which is absolutely meaningless to me.
Billy reminded me pastor So warned us on how we are marrying not only to each other, but the families too. I don't know if he also remembers that pastor So warned him there is only so much I can take and things better not go over my limits before I snap. I personally don't think I am that dumb to think his family won't get in the way before we got married. I even know it will be the biggest problem of all to be honest. I just didn't expect there would be no boundaries with the way people should "interact" with each other. I now don't know if building up my own family is more imp than compromising with someone else's idea of families.
I thought I have already done enough of compromising and socializing, but apparently there is so much of me that people think they should KNOW. Aren't I just so special? I guess people just get really bored and want to mind others' business when they can't feel fulfilled in their own lives. I saw that with my own aunt this time and I guess those types of people are just everywhere. My way of dealing with those people is to stay away so there would not be conflict or confrontation someday....but I wonder what should happen when the other side just want to push it.
Look....I am just a loser musician who cannot do anything other than teaching private students to earn little money everyday. I lived by myself ever since 14 and survived whatever I needed to survive with lousy people around from ministries. I hate it when people intrude my space and life no matter how much they want to be friends. I hang out with people who I can feel free and comfortable with and those people are getting fewer each day. I have a cat that I love dearly and he has depressions because of me. What else is there to know about me?
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3 comments:
You absolutely must learn to think more positively my dear. I know it's difficult for you, but perhap the 1st step is NOT to think too negatively about yourself?
You are not just a loser musician who cannot do anything other than teach private lessons.I believe you can do much much more! Why would people even want to hire losers to teach their children anyway?
We are also not 'designed' to be loners. I have a 'loner' personality too. We share the same birthday... we do have similar personality in that respect... However, I have learned that there will always be little 'intrusions' here and there... and it's up to us to make the best of it.
I 'intruded' into your family in Taiwan because I actually want to get to know your family more. I also wanted them to get to know me before our marriage... and since we actually did sign on the dotted line, I figured what the heck, might as well meet the whole extended family too!
As a loner and not a very talkitive person, do you really think I enjoyed that? Don't get me wrong, I don't hate the experience, but that was certainly not something I'd naturally 'enjoy'... however, I do know it's a worthwhile thing to do.
I've also allowed your family to 'intrude' our life by having a 'family vacation' instead of a 'honeymoon'. Again, don't get me wrong, it's not like I absolutely hated the experience, I enjoyed it too.
This is where our personality differs... I can enjoy the 'intrusions' and make the best of it. You absolutely cannot bear it.
I don't expect you to be like me, because you are not me. I haven't forgotten what Pastor So's warning about your 'break point'.
Life can be much easier when people stop putting their own expectations on others. If other people are really too much to bear and don't know their boundaries..., we can help setting the boundaries up. Figuring out where the boundary should be takes time too. Please have a little patience. Please try your best to 'love' my side of the family. They are my blood family. I know often times they may not deserve it, but perhaps the love of God can help?
Listen to Pastor Jim, try to not focus too much on the negative stuffs. Whenever you feel that annoying fire burning inside, ask your Lord Jesus to help you deal with it. Or Complain to Jesus or whatever. You don't have to 'fight' it personally. Let your God fight it for you. That's what God is for you know? ;)
May the love of God fill you with peace! :)
1. I don't think I was born negative. The more I am trapped in certain situations and places, the less positive I can think of myself. If I can't even have a life I would enjoy then what is so positive to think about?
2. There are plenty of losers teaching out there, and I may as well just be one of them while I hate teaching but use it to make money.
3. You intruded to my family...you were the active one. They let you intrude, that is their choice. Me, on the other hand, is the intruded one by your mom...and it does not seem like I have a choice cuz I am supposed to behave in ways whoever think I SHOULD.
4. Did I not already spend enough energy hanging out trying to know who is who in your huge family? I even attended a funeral which I have no idea who died. You met my family ONCE in TW...so let's talk about not enjoying it. Do you realize you probably don't have to interact with any of my family being in US while I am "supposed" to join your mom's crazy social life?
5. I saw my family 1st time in three years. Honestly knowing how close I am with my family, you probably should be smarter to know I would not go on a honeymoon even if you plan one in Egypt where I really want to visit. Everyone in the family trip appreciated the time and energy you spent for the time being...but do you really think it's wise for you to even bring it up as an example to me? Can my family bugging me only once in three years compare to how your mom wants me to sit there in gatherings looking stupid almost every month if not more? My mom was actually concerned about bugging us after wedding, but "I" asked them to travel with us cuz I miss them sick. So "I" am the one to blame, ok?
6. Setting boundaries is not about giving in to things...if you don't think I have already given into "family" traditions of yours. I also wonder why everybody thinks I have no patience just because I confront with things. I waited three years each for both of my crappy ministry leaders. I waited months for a student with crappy attitude to see if anything can change. Do you think I expect your mom to change her way of acting which she has been using for over 60 years? Do you think I am that dumb? Do you actually know how many "好話" I had to say about your mom to my family? Do you know how much my family worries about me being here with your family?
7. The only thing that gets me is when people ask me to adjust and be flexible while I am actually the one being bothered and adjusting most of the time. I am not exactly the side doing the bothering you know? It just seems like all the effort and giving in means nothing once I start complaining cuz now I am the side raising problems...Is it possible the problems were always there but nobody wants to touch it? What is boundary when the line is always pushed?
8. Don't just pull God out on everything. If you know "waiting" on God does not mean just sitting there doing nothing, then I don't think I have to go further on how our lives are our own responsibilities as well. Don't try to put someone in a messy situation and bless her with God's peace. I do not think God peace comes that way.
9. Do whatever you think is right to do. I have had enough frustration in my life to stop me from thinking I am not a loser. After all I can't even control what kinda life I want to have. I don't know what to work toward to and what to look forward to. I do not feel like discussing about your family any more. I will just watch and see how the "balancing" process go. It is useless to talk about things nowadays. Talking about things is always easier than doing them....
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