Have you ever wonder why people come to you and tell you that they have a dilemma and they are struggling to make a decision? They tell you they really know what they should do..in fact they have plan and they will probably do that...However.... they say "BUT I am wondering if there is 'something else' I should do cuz of various reasons."
1st of all....if you know what you should do, then it means you know very well what is "supposedly correct". However, you probably want to do something else so then you come up with various reasons to make yourself or whoever you are talking to think there are more options to work around the situation. That....clearly indicates what you really want to do, and yet may not be the best thing to do. So then what can you do now? go ask someone else and see if you can get support! I guess life is easier when others make decisions for you?
So now you wonder again why the person with struggles comes to you and tell you about the dilemma.....I personally think they come in hope for you to tell them "whichever you want to do is fine....or maybe you should forget about what you should do, and just go with the 2nd option....who knows? maybe it's going to create no harm after all...try it..." I am sure when the person hears such answer, he would be overjoyed cuz there is the support he needs.....and that is exactly why he comes to you to "discuss" the options.
1st of all, people who do such things are trying to share the responsibilities....cuz whatever they do at the end, is with your suggestion as a decision making factor....so it's not entirely their responsibility with the actions they take. 2nd of all...they are hoping for luck...they probably know what you would say to start with....and yet hey come to you because you are somehow important in their lives... and what you say do make certain effects in their lives....Thus for them to live in peace with you in the future, they would want you to participate in the decision making.... If you don't object to whatever they want to do,then in the future your "no objection" answer may very well be a good thing to shut off any reaction you can have later on. Convenient, isn't it? Who gets to struggle at the end? I wonder....
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Isn't discussion a good thing? By me talking about it, it allows you to know what's going on... and what I'm thinking. Isn't that something worthwhile to know? Isn't that something I should be doing more and more of... instead of less and less of? To talk to my wife about things?
I have kept things from you, based on my own judgement and thought that perhaps you don't need to know... And I've been criticized for keeping my mouth shut. Now, I'm being criticized for keeping my mouth opened. Yes, I still have a LOT to learn regarding when to keep my mouth opened or shut... so there's going to be a learning period. Please bear with me on that!
I really think it's important that you don't get too upset about my poor verbal abilities... you most certainly have a right to be upset if you adviced me to do something and I reject your advice and do it the other way... and then if it blows up in my face... Even God can get upset when people don't do what God told them to do...
So unless I screwed up by rejecting your advice, I hope we can always manage to stay calm in the future so that our line of communication can always stay opened during critical times such as the one we just got thru! We need to stick together in thought and in action. We need to be able to openly talk about things, especially personal struggles.
If spouses cannot share these struggles with each other, then who can we share it with? God knows I often even 'struggle' to decide whether to share with you certain things or not.
I think I did the right thing in sharing with you starting with the phone calls and then to that email. If I had picked up the phone or started to email her behind your back, who knows what might have happened?
Of course the ideal thing to do is to simply not tell you what's going on so you won't get upset... and then just take care of business all by myself.
But I'm not Jesus. I'm not that perfect. And I'd like to have the support of my wife if I'm going to do something which I know may not be that wise to do. If I don't have your support, then I just won't do it! I'm sorry for causing you to be upset, but I honestly don't believe I did anything wrong in this particular incident.
Anyway, in the future, surely I will continue to discuss with you about things which might cause you to be upset. I hope you'll be able to find ways to struggle thru with me and allow NOTHING to get between us.
Hi Funky Thistle! I found your site by googling your name! I got one of your EPs and I really like it :) EP1! Do you know where I can get EP2? Do you make any other kind of music? if you get a chance, please email me at: springclay@gmail.com! Thanks & God bless !
wow, now that i read this entry, i realize it's very deep. and very long too so im not sure if i understand the whole thing but.. i think discussing things is important and at the end of the day, we are responsible for our own decisions, regardless of who's advice/opinions we get. i think communication is sooo important!! hope you two continue to work on communicating and fighting for your marriage :D
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