Taking FOREVER.....

The endless soap opera from China is finally coming to an end I think. Even though I hated all the arguments and family issues presented in the whole thing, I have to say those China people are good at acting and very good at presenting everyday lives that just seems to be way too tedious to watch. To be honest, I think the worst actors are all from TW. We tend to have actors who are never really trained as actors. They act just to get publicities, and they act because of their looks.

I remember wondering why actors from China often seem to be mediocre looking when I was younger. Now I realize it's just a diff. way of training and a diff. way of treating "entertainment" in general. I think China is eventually gonna be affected by TW, Japan, Korea with all those good looking actors and actresses though.....since now they are open to all the outside informations thanks to internet. I am sure there are plenty of good looking guys and girls in China that they can pick from the crowd. I just hope they will still keep the level of acting up after everything gets improved a little on the looks.

Anyway....one thing I thought was inspiring was how this old guy in the soap was saying "Love with young people is really nothing to be mentioned about. You can only see true love after so many years of marriage. You can only tell how much two people are in love when they stick with each other to the end...." I have to say I can't agree more on that. Nobody would be able to tell till the end.....but then...Two people sticking together fighting all the time would not be the ideal situation for me either. I guess that is why I get annoyed watching this China soap...nagging...fighting...spoiling kids....kids talking back to parents....talking noisy....basically everything I hate in real life....

Oh well....I am still glad this soap opera is gonna end soon....hopefully within a week....lol...

Earthquake

Around 5 min ago the ground started shaking....Hades freaked out....and yeah we had an earthquake that everyone was anticipating for a long time...Jack was like "did you feel it? earthquake?" and then he found out it's 5.6 and started from Chino Hills. At the time I thought about getting out of the apt, but then saw how scared Hades was and decided to just pet him and stay. We are on third floor anyway....so the worst comes to it the whole building collapses and we can still be on the top of almost everything....

Last time there was a big earthquake in LA was back when I was still in college I think. Hades was deep asleep and he didn't even bother to wake up. Now he is really scared that he keeps on staring at the wall, and even his treats would not get him to move. Maybe he knew about it few days ago? since he started to act all weird and got easily scared for the past few days? People are saying there is supposed to be a bigger one that comes from another direction....but I guess this current one should help release some of the power? It's weird how people at San Diego felt it too since with the number doesn't seem that big....Well...my coffee was all spilled out and I didn't even notice it...so....who am I to say?

The earthquake kinda got me thinking how horrible it must have been when TW had that 921 thing. I guess there are just so many natural disasters we humans cannot prevent. Hopefully not much was damaged this round....

People = troubles.....That is one equation you cannot deny.....

I have to say....I think my childhood dream of being a scientist or anything that does not involve dealing with people should really be a better choice for me. Thinking about it now I am actually quite impressed with how wise I was as a kid, knowing not dealing with people much would probably make myself much merrier in life. I just get tired explaining things, watching stupid stuff, and basically would not mind having a people free environment.

Why am I saying all that? oh well...just venting a little since I just get this weird tiredness toward a lot of Christian related issues. I don't think hearing and getting involved in anything Christian activities really makes me all that happy.....which is just a bit depressing since supposedly Christian lives should be glorifying the name of God. I wonder if God gets frustrated just looking down at us....I guess I am just too human to imagine how much patience God has....

I hope God can just erase all my memories so I don't get so frustrated on same issues over and over. I don't like this heavy stone that is on my chest all the time whenever I know too much behind the superficial nice acts from Christians. I guess I would rather choose to be ignorant but it does not seem like God is giving me the option right now. Or maybe I am just caring about details too much that people don't even give a damn about? People say we have to choose to be happy....but can we also choose to be dumb? and not notice nor detect anything from around us? I wonder....

Anyway....let me choose to be happy over one thing then. As I was listening to the "da nan ren" story in the Sun sermon yesterday, I sensed myself thanking God for not giving me something that hard to deal with in this aspect. I am not personally against da nan ren as my dad himself is one....but then at least he is not the type who thinks he is the king of the whole world without taking up the king's duties. My hubby just happens to be a lot less "da nan ren" than most of the jerks who think they can be all that out there, and I have to say it's truly a blessing sometimes. Even though there are things that can never be perfect in our lives, at least I know what to appreciate when I see the good parts....

enough waiting and summer is almost gone...

The whole buying condo situation just goes up and down for the past two weeks. The bank accepts our offer, the credit report has problems, Billy's secret daughter from somewhere, and then we backing out from the whole deal....oh and also money wasted on the inspection which could be used to contribute to other things....well....The condo across from the one we offered seemed to be a possible one at the same time. The seller was actually willing to drop the price for us but then at this point we won't be able to do anything cuz of the credit issues again.

Oh well....life.....full of things which you cannot control. I should be used to this by now.....really not like I can just do whatever I want to do with my life at any given moment....just like how I am teaching some students who I have no interest of seeing every single week....just to make a living...Some of the students are learning because they have no choices in their lives either....and there are some other kids who want to learn but don't have the luck of having supportive parents...I guess...that is just....life....

Woke up early this morning. Had dreams battling and chasing (or being chased?) with people. I was hit by the chest few times and had hard time breathing. Gave up trying to sleep again early in the morning and read the rest of Ezekiel. I was pretty surprised that Ezekiel is actually much longer than I expected....reading that book is also depressing since it's all talking about the ruins of everything. Oh well....there is also restorations of things, which is of course harder to see in the present. Again....that is life....you just don't see everything you would like to see at the given time....and sometimes we are not even sure if we will see it in the future....

I am just gonna order my camera today. Getting tired of waiting for things to happen in life. Better deal, lower price, more money, etc. I guess there are plenty of people who wait through life and does nothing at the end. I am just gonna do what I can do within my own control right now....yeah....RIGHT NOW.....

Not that easy to jump in and out of things....

Over weighted after every weekend seems to be the on going routine for me. I guess we just over eat every weekend that is why. It would take me another 5 days to get my weight back in normal, and then weekend comes again....right....isn't it just like life? everything goes in cycles...

I was reading Ivan's blog describing their party which the family had for Xiao-Zhen (and also grandma's BD coming up in Aug I supposed?). It feels quite amazing that my cousin is actually coming to the states for her master's degree now. Can't believe I am already this old and the little cousins have already grown up. Can't believe my youngest bro is already preparing for his college exam and he is actually 13 years younger than me....Time really flies...

Theo got back last week and I guess he has been really bored....or maybe has relationship stress that he wants to talk about...so he has been trying to find me on line since he doesn't have my new cell phone number...lol....Spent a little time chatting with him and listening to his relationship problems here and there....at the same time thinking it's not very likely anything would get solved or changed in the future....

I was quite amused that Theo told me by now he realized "finding someone that has the same life values, topics to talk about, and has things to share in life is far more important than just going for the looks".....right....I guess most guys notice this when they are in some deep sxxx and cannot get out of it already....lol....but again....how many people actually have the luck of finding that person who you will always fun sharing life with? A lot of marriages are just sustained without things people want...and that is life....

Anyway....just thought it's something worth making a note with. We will see if he gets married next year....in my opinion....he most likely will since everyone is pushing for it....lol...

Too many cats

I had two weird dreams last night. I can kinda remember bits of them right now....1st dream was kinda weird cuz I dreamed that we went to find 5 mouses as toys for Hades. Somehow the toys were sitting right next to Hades and they looked just as big as them. I 1st said "wait...are you sure they are mouses? cuz they look terribly big....and also....why are they screaming like that? are they hungry or something?" and then Hades was acting weird cuz he was sitting right amongst the mouses being very calm and not even looking nor playing with them much....

I kept on staring at the mouses and later found they looked terribly similar to Hades. I finally decided....."dude....they are not mouses....they are just 5 cats that we got....." I think three of the cats were like American shorthair and two others looked kinda strange....a white one with long hair but gold trims on the ears and feet...and the other one I couldn't remember....

The 2nd dream was somewhere at my home with my parents and bros. Somehow I was there taking a vacation or something....and then this morning when I woke up there was this guy sitting in front of the piano at my home. Everyone was out at that time and I woke up just to be kinda shocked to see him there. I was trying to make my morning coffee and he was trying to carry a conversation really hard. He was playing and singing and I found myself feeling very annoyed by a talkative stranger....as usual...yeah...that is about all I remember before Hades walked up to the bed to sleep with me...

I have been dreaming almost everyday. Maybe someday my oldest memories will all come back...lol...Chih-Lin also told me there was verbal confirmation on the condo we offered. We will see if anything confirms in written form in a day or 2. I guess it can still be a pretty good deal even though there are lots of things going on with the economy. 1st of all it is at least about 40k-50K lower than most of other condos in our area, plus we are not really investing....just getting a place of our own...Since we have prayer for God to either let it go through or just let it fail like all our past experiences...we will see what happens then...Money put in the banks can disappear nowadays...so may as well just put it in a house?

Working extra....

Life has been kinda busy ever since I started doing Amy's songbook. I guess I have forgot how typing up music can be a pain in the ass since last time I did it was like beginning of 2007 or something. My eyes get really blurry staring at the computer screen all the time, and my whole body aches after sitting here and typing for hours a day. However....I have to say....I do enjoy working much more than I thought I do even though my brain is constantly spinning when I am working on diff. things all at once....

Teaching has been kinda weird recently as well. I am meeting new kids almost every week cuz I am substituting for a friend who is in Michigan for summer. I am glad I am only helping her students for the summer though....cuz her students are just not in tact at all when they play...perhaps because my friend is super nice as a person. I guess when a teacher is too nice nobody learns.....My own students are almost all off for the summer in Aug. I guess in Aug I will have more free time to myself and Hades. Perhaps we will just stare at each other for the whole day when I am not teaching at all...

I passed by Indymac twice yesterday. There were whole bunch of people trying to line up and get their money out since Indymac had a bad close down. It's quite amazing this kinda thing is happening with economy in the states....I thought this would only happen in TW. I guess when the economy is crashing no bank is safe to put our money in. I am at least very thankful that my CDs with Indymac matured earlier this year so I have no money deposited there now. I wonder if any of the banks I have money with will go down in the future...hopefully not....

Anyway....I should probably get back to work more...I also think I got Tim's computer infected with some kinda virus when I was downloading drivers....I am glad he had this computer installed solely for my use of typing up music. He will just re-install the operation system after I am done with everything then...Again....I have to say I am very thankful for friends who are always helping....back to work...now....

dead brain

I think my sleeping habit has gone really bad...It was the 3rd night that I slept after 2 in the morning (or maybe the 4th? can't even remember...) This morning I couldn't even sleep in either cuz there was a lot of noises going on in the building. I think...my brain is going really slow today...and I am just feeling lazy cuz the brain is not awake....

How do we live?

Cable at our place stopped working this morning. I 1st noticed through the stupid internet which was getting on and off all the time...and then I got more sure of it being dysfunctional through the TV. I was annoyed a little cuz then the only thing I could watch was that annoying China soap opera during lunch. I guess I had my knowledge enhanced just a little more on whatever stupid things can happen in marriages....oh well....

After several hours of not having cable TV and internet...I finally decided to look up all wireless networks we can discover in our building. Apparently most people are smart enough to lock their internet connections like we do, but then there happened to be a nice neighbor who perhaps recently moved in and didn't have time to lock their connection yet....and that becomes the connection I am using right now.

I have to admit I am very thankful for this unknown person to not lock the connection....or else I may very well die of boredom since I was not able to work on anything cuz everything is saved in my e-mail....Our EP design is finally coming to an end...It has a drastically diff. feeling compared to the 1st one. I personally am not too worried about the difference since who knows how long it will take for us to finish yet another EP? and it will always be cool if we come up with something completely diff. when we have the final full album anyway....I just hope with the mailing and printing we will be able to have the 2nd EP at hand at least in Aug. Keeping fingers crossed on that....

I also printed out Amy's song sheets after I got this connection going. It looks like this songbook will be much more work since I will have to type up EVERYTHING from scratch since she did her roughs on a diff. software. I am not even sure if the notebook Tim is gonna lend me will work smoothly with Chinese either...We will have to see about that after I pick it up Fri night. I guess my free time due to absence of students in summer will be spent working on other people's music then...oh well...I just hope the music won't be too boring for me to listen too....sighs...

My sleep ever since beginning of this week had been bad. I was getting frustrated and told Billy just to sleep by himself 1st so I could stay up. He refused and insisted on giving me a massage to see if that would work. I guess he was dead tired that right after he finished the massage he snored next second he put himself down on the bed. I was very amused cuz being dead asleep in one min is certainly not my specialty. I got up, stayed up till 2, and then was actually able to sleep alright through the night. I guess the massage did work after all....To be able to sleep right is certainly a blessing that everyone needs...oh well...

I have been watching the rose Billy gave me which is in a test tube and our wedding vase now. It's amazing how a semi-dead plant tries to maintain its life. It takes water and it tries to open up the flower....even though very slowly because it's technically dead....I wonder if the rose realizes its own death? Something that kinda just reminds me of how we often don't realize what kinda life we are living...We may be dead inside and appear not to be on the outside....or vice versa...Isn't life just interesting? .....yeah....I think no internet certainly would kill me....

Our paper year....

So....it's been a year from our official wedding date....scary...yes...time flies...yes...and I guess nobody knows the future so we can only enjoy it now :) We went celebrate it in Pasadena at Ruth's Chris. I was surprised the place was quite full even on weekdays. Here are the photos for the night then....1 year is called "paper" marriage in Chinese....guess it's still not strong enough yet....oh well...

These are the salad and soup we ordered...yeah...the salad looked kinda weird with all the onion rings on top...and the soup was with rice and seafood...EXTREMELY HOT....

Those are the BIGGEST fries that I have ever seen in my life..Billy had to eat them with knife and fork...lol...and the 2nd pic is with the rib eye steak we ordered...Crab cake on the top, Oscar style....

The waiter took these pictures for us...so I guess that is the reason why the pictures didn't turn out all that bright even with my light picking camera....oh well....

The waiter talked to us into ordering creme brulee...It was only alright to be honest...

I guess it's rare to look at buildings in Pasadena at night...actually I had no idea what building it was...but I suspect it's some sort of government building? The rose...is what I found in the car before we went to dinner...I guess one rose is nice even though I am not into flowers...I do like huge roses though....occasionally...and only when it's not fully open....

Talking about keeping resources....

Amy Sand called me last week and asked me if I can do her songbook again. It's just amazing how her ministry has been blessed and they are having the 4th album pretty soon!!!!! I guess a good management with business minded people in a ministry is surely a plus on top of all their works in the kingdom of God. Anyway....since I did two other song books for her before I just said yes without thinking....

So....the situation turned out to be hectic because of the computer system we have at home. Apparently Billy's computer just would not cooperate with the music software I am using and none of the Chinese lyrics would come out right. I started trying diff. versions of the software...didn't work....I installed all the Chinese fonts....didn't work....I tried this and that for the whole day yesterday...and NOTHING worked....

As frustrated as I was....I started calling people and writing e-mails to ask for help. I tried to figure out what systems were installed with each computer I used at work. Of course it's not like HI people would know anything about it....and then I tried to ask overseas with friends who use the software....With all the info gathered I guess the conclusion is my music software will only work on Windows XP "Professional" edition.....

Now the problem is....not that many people with new computers have XP on their computers....and vista would for sure not work with Encore on Chinese typing. The ones who have XP does not have the professional edition. Most of them have the Home edition like what Billy has. After going around hitting walls for several days...I decided to find out if I can borrow a computer from somewhere just to get the job done. (thinking it would be a big favor to ask cuz I will need to borrow the comp for like 2-3 weeks...)

Lucky enough...one of the people I called was Tim, who was my ex-coworker from YEARS ago back at COG. He not only was willing to lend me a notebook to work with, but can also put in whatever windows system I wanted to use to type up the music and get through the job. I almost thought about bugging my er- ge for this case but then didn't want to since he has too much to take care of...so....now things "may" be solved if I get the notebook this weekend....just keeping my fingers crossed for now...

Moral of the story....It's amazing how people need diff. resources all the time....I am pretty glad I am not the type of person who throws resources away after they are used for once. I am glad I am not the kinda person who has nobody's phone number in their phone books or e-mail address books. I am blessed to stay friends with most people who I worked with before...cuz they can still help me at various weird times like this time around....:)

Memory lost?

People who know me for a long time probably know that I don't tend to remember things all the time....and yet sometimes it's not up to me. My brain kinda just filters out stuff without me being able to figure out how the brain does it. I think I just tend to make a very quick decision upon the importance of things when I 1st hear them. For the things which the brain categories as unimportant then down the dump they go. Well....that is just what I "thought"....

A friend back from high school recently got reconnected with me through facebook. I was surprised we can actually carry some conversations through interesting issues... since again I was never that close with him back then (even though I always thought he was a very interesting and brainy guy). I couldn't remember if he was studying in the same studio with me or with another violin teacher at school, so I blamed it on my failing memory when I was mentioning it. Here....is what he said about it...

Milan :
"Hey, when you say you don’t remember things, I was like that for a while! I could not remember things if my life depended on it… People, names, where I knew them from… what happened and when it happened… Years were particularly bad. It turned out at the end that I had a condition called sleep apnea for the past 6-7 years which did not allow me to have a deep sleep (REM – stage 4). That stage is where the brain “reboots” clears out junk we don’t need to remember and forms long-term memories. You not remembering things from the past can very much be some physiological thing with your health now, perhaps a sleep problem of which you are not aware. I would go and see a doctor and talk about it as it can be potentially serious health condition. I would not think that we “did not pay attention to people” back then, no matter what Bushkova says. You not remembering the past can be because of the condition now, not because you were not paying attention. My wife thought the same about me, but it turned out she was wrong -- it was sleep apnea. I now have a machine (CPAP) that helps me breathe at night and I am in turn more rested in the morning, my dreams have returned and so did my memories! Go see a doctor and talk to him/her about it. You can also have a sleep study done and that will tell you if you are resting well. I think it’s not about not paying attention but some physiological change that might need medical attention,… not to scare you but it can be. I don’t fit the pattern for the apnea -- I am thin, good blood pressure, eat healthy, exercise… but it turns out I have it. I also thought my memories were bad, and wondered about it for a long time too. Now they are back, and all because of a good night's rest which I was not getting for a long time."

So....I guess my lack of good sleep throughout the years did contribute to my memory lost....

Chicago Day 3

Since I have nothing to say much recently....I guess I would just finish the last day of our Chicago trip for my writing quota...lol

Last day of our Chicago trip we decided to just sleep in and eat lunch at our hotel before we go to the airport. The hotel restaurant looks really cool...and I especially liked the light tree...Billy took a photo of me with the cool chair and said I looked like I was in the asylum...orz...

We decided to go with the buffet, and those are the food I got. I think they looked quite healthy, yeah?

We tried to take pictures with the chairs next to the restaurant....please pay attention to how much Billy looks like a frog with his arms hanging there....

Billy was trying to look like Lincoln with imitation of Lincoln's sitting posture from Grant Park.....

The elevator entrance...

Cool chair right next to the bar in hotel lobby.

I am very much into minimalism art.....and I think the hotel uses a lot of minimalism elements in its designs....


This is the famous Chicago hot dog which Billy finally found in the airport before we flew back to LA. You would think it would be easy to find since it's famous...but we really didn't see it in Chicago...odd...anyway...the hot dog is weird in a way that there isn't any mayonnaise in it...kinda dry I thought....The 2nd photo is the famous Chicago deep-dish pizza that we also found in the airport...yeah...interesting place to find something you couldn't find in the city which it represents....and this picture...would conclude the Chicago trip :)

dream on...

I had yet another weird dream this morning. It's very strange that ever since we moved to another room to sleep in our apartment I have not been sleeping well AT ALL. We have tried to change the directions and sides of us on the bed and still it does not seem to be working. I guess we should probably move back to my original room tonight. I used to have weird dreams, but now quite an amount of them are nightmares. I don't think I can handle too many of them....

Anyway...so...the dream...I was finding whole bunch of bugs in the bed I was sleeping on. There were two kinds of bugs. The small kind is about 1/3 the size of a regular ant. The bigger one is shaped and sized like a soy bean but in black. Both of them were very clingy so it was super hard to get them off things. For some reason we had layers of sheets and blankets on the bed and I had to open each layer just to find bugs hiding and crawling everywhere. Interestingly enough I was patient and spent the whole night cleaning up the bed. I put all of them on this huge blanket and wanted to brush them off to a dumpster. I was planning to wash the blank with super hot water after that, but didn't see myself doing it in the dream.

Mom, clement, and Ivan were also in the dream. Last part of the dream was that we were heading out to shop after all my hard work cleaning up the bugs. Clement was like "why don't you girls go...I will just stay home." Ivan was all excited about going to shop he didn't notice his brother counted him as a girl....yeah...weird details that I noticed...I also noticed all the bed sheets we were using were the "Tommy Hilfiger" brand. I usually don't buy anything Tommy cuz I heard the designer is racist and doesn't like selling his stuff to people other than those with white skin. I remember thinking "heck with that...you are not getting a cent of my yellow skin money then" at the time....lol...anyway....just some really strange details...

I have no idea what my dream meant but I think it's tiring to have dreams, especially the weird ones that you actually remember....just a diverted note here....another elementary classmate of mine is getting married again....and yeah...another guy classmate. I really don't know why all the guys in the class marry earlier than the girls. I guess smart girls are not that interested to get married?