Tue blue

People usually have Mon blue, but I think I am having Tue blue....just don't feel like doing anything today...not even writing blog.

Taught three students today... The new student made me wait and I didn't even get paid. The student claimed that he was not told he has a lesson, and the mom kept on asking me on the phone if I wanted to wait. What could I do except waiting when I had two more students in the same area afterwards? Is it my problem that the kid was not home on time? I just don't get how one should deal with irresponsible parents....oh well....not like this is the 1st one I see.

The new kid actually seems like an ok kid to teach. I don't know if he is really gonna practice though, cuz he kept on moving during lesson and told me he dances when I asked. I feel that he is probably more into dancing than playing violin. Oh well....not that many kids want to practice anyway...It's probably wise for them not to practice and try to make a career as a musician...otherwise they will also turn out to be depressing starving musicians.

James had been behaving quite well for the past two weeks. I guess he knows I don't want to teach him but I am still trying to help. He was patient enough to practice this one phrase with me for about 15 min. I have to say I was pretty proud of him for trying no matter the result.

Teaching music is really quite depressing at times. You either bump into kids who try so hard but has no talent, or kids who are talented and not trying at all. Ok..fine...it's just Tue blue...not like I don't know how this world sucks...should just get used to it...

Oh....by the way....Hui-Ling jie came to visit today. It somehow irritates me when she always thinks everything around me is great. I don't think denying problems in life would make life better, but some people apparently think by saying everything is great everything would be great. It's also not like she doesn't know my problems in life...It perplexes me. Oh well...everyone is diff. I guess....and remember I am having Tue Blue anyway?...Maybe it's all from Rosemary's message this morning asking who can pick her up at the airport....How would I know really?

Dreams and the reasons behind them...

My dreams are getting more weird each time, and I actually remember it when I woke up this morning. I dreamed about a elementary classmate who suddenly appeared and told me that he was getting married. I told him that I had heard and tears started appearing in his eyes....I knew that was a bad sign since he would be talking an telling me his dark secrets.

It turned out to be that he was marrying someone from a pub or club, a waitress or something. His whole family was against the idea, and he really didn't want to marry her either. I guess it's weird for a doctor to marry a waitress? but I didn't try to figure out why he is marrying her...maybe some kinda contract or that she was pregnant?

For some reason we were chatting in Tainan, and my parents went to the hospital to see what they could help with Dr. Lin's mom who just passed away two days ago. Just when I told Zen-Bing that I had to go, mom called. She told me that the situation might be diff and they would not be able to pick me up then.

So it turned out that big aunt in law was able to "microwave" the dead body so she came back alive again. I was so annoyed everything was out of control and time was delayed that I told mom "don't do this too many times or her flwsh will be all stale in the future". (As if we are ever going to eat it and we really care how it is cooked) What the heck...I remember thinking this was ridiculous even when I was dreaming.

I kinda know why my dream was put together like that when I trace it back on the bed this morning. I think the part of my classmate came from bumping into Mr. Hong last night and the whole discussion with Billy after dinner. Unsuccessful marriage just really gets me and not able to communicate kinda frightens me. I hate to see marriages not working out, especially with the bonus (kids) which people don't usually take good care of.

There are things that just can't be changed. Mr. Hong might be changed like baba said and yet he still lies. He asked for a wedding invitation and yet ignored my request of his address...not only once, but through the whole conversation. I just don't understand why he bothers to ask when he didn't really mean it. I am very tempted to just dig his address out and mail him one so I will be confirmed again that he lies....(not that I need any confirmation on that really.) I don't know how people can be so stupid and actually believe in him, at the same time trying to neglect all the leads of him lying right at your face.

Chih-Lin was telling me how it's impossible for people to be traveling so much and expect to have a good family relationship. I guess now she sees it clearly. People (especially religious leaders most of the time) think they are helping the crowd in the world that they don't tend to notice how those around them suffer. It's also this "I am the savior syndrome" which makes them feel needed and popular. I don't know...no longer know what is correct in this world.

The part of microwaving the dead body...actually came from the recently news of Dr. Lin's mom passing away in her sleep. I guess part of it is how I look forward to getting an eternal peace and hated the fact people were trying to save her and "microwave" her back. I think that is why I was so annoyed by the surprise. I used to think I have no suicidal intents at all, but now I wonder if that is true.

Speaking of dreaming.....Hades is dreaming again...this time one the sofa. I wonder if he is getting any weird ones like I did cuz his whole body is shaking. Maybe he is dreaming about chasing the pigeons again?

Weekends are a bit tiring....

So I guess weekends are always a bit tiring compared to regular days...cuz we often have too much packed into two days and sometimes it's not even about how much we accomplish in each day. A good example of that is this week's train trip.

Billy planned this Thomas train trip for the kids, and we had to drive a long way to get to the train for a 30 min ride. Honestly speaking....I think the trip itself was not the reason I felt totally tired after the event, but the people.

I have to admit I am easily irritated when there are kids around, especially loud kids with bad manner. I understand kids can be out of control at times or else they would not be kids, but a lot of times is because adults around them don't try to control them when they should be taught. Anyway...enough said about that.

I am also not into traveling with whole bunch of people at once, when most of them distant acquaintances. (...On top of that with kids around as well) I guess the most I can take is around one car of people, which means three other than us two. Right....I am "turtle hair"....can only take too much at once.

Ok...end of my complaints. I am not always a people person even if I appear to be for those who don't know me well enough. Thomas train was an interesting thing itself. It is also a good way to get profit from people cuz kids like the train for no reason. I tried looking at the program and really didn't think anything was that inspiring for the kids....(even the toys are not that creative...) I think I would rather take kids to Lego land and have them play legos if compared to this.

Anyway...I am sure the kids were happy. It's good to make kids happy I guess....especially those without dads around. Not a very cool thing to have a kid and then not be around for the kid...very irresponsible I think. I had fun looking at the crowd crazy for one stupid toy train, and enjoyed the ride alright despite of the tiredness I felt afterwards....I know...funny....

Rainy Morning

It's a rainy morning, and my weird dreams continued to come. I dreamed about beds....(weird enough I know)...maybe we just have too many beds in one room now that is why. Billy asked me if my muscles still hurt this morning and I didn't realize why he asked. Now I can totally feel how the rain is affecting my neck and shoulders....very annoying...

Despite the aching of muscles, I like rain. The sky is gray and the air is fresh...somehow a melancholy feeling which totally blends well with morning coffee. I always liked the rain even when I was a little kid. It especially felt wonderful when we had typhoon holidays back in TW....staying warm in my bed with crazy wind and rain outside was one of my favorite memory of childhood.

James gave me the rough arrangement this morning. The outline is exactly how I wanted the song to be...with the weird rhythm and all that. I can totally feel how my cells started to wake up each time I listened to the mp3. I wish James is as aggressive in playing and tone as baba in SG, but then he seems to read my mind pretty well with the styles I want. I guess nothing is perfect and we just have to work things out. I wonder who would be able to sing this song really, but we will worry about it later.

Baba replied to my e-mail instantly this morning when I asked him if he is back in SG. I was right guessing that he went to China mission with Mr. Hong. It's interesting how they are still working together. I guess nothing is final and firm with Ba anyway. He said Mr. Hong is still like Mr. Hong, but some things are getting better. I sure hope Mr. Hong is getting better so nobody will suffer from him in the future. God would use whoever he wants to use, even jerks. All we can do is to stay away and then hope for the best I guess.

Dad turned 56 today.....such a weird feeling that he is gonna be 60 in a few years. He used to my big hero who can move just about anything and take care of everything. I guess everyone gets older and everything changes. I am glad I will finally get to see them this summer...such a long time since I last saw my beloved family. I wonder if everything would still feel the same when we meet.

Melody canceled out on me cuz she is sick. I guess teaching private lessons is just like this....You never get to teach everyone that is on the list each week. It's a good day to just relax and chill though....since it's already chilly with the rain....Maybe I will get out later just to breath a little of that cold air.

Yamashiro

I forgot to mention we went to Yamashiro for dinner last night with Julie and Tony from NY. I had Asian style baby back ribs and it comes with sweet potato fries...Very weird and interesting combination. There was so much garlic in the sauce I can still smell it this morning....

I haven't been there for such a long time it feels weird when I thought about how we used to go up there and play cards till midnight or even later than 1. Those good old times...and my night life...I guess I may be too old (or behave too well) for that now.

We also had some nice looking desert. I am not sure how good they were but Julie seemed to enjoy them quite a bit...so here are the photos. The cheesecake was kinda tasteless if you try the cream brulee 1st. We weren't really sure what was on it either...maybe cranberries?

I also found out that I always pick the camera which nobody except me knows how to operate. Julie was trying to take photos for Billy and me, and every photo she took turned out to be a little scary...But....I really like how this one turned out to be after I fixed it a little....cuz it looks like some artistic photo that someone took on purpose..heheheh....
Ok.....I guess this is enough on the dinner we had last night. Tony actually talked more than I expected even though I didn't understand too much of what he said due to his accent. I am glad at least Billy and I are able to talk and communicate a lot more even though people all think Billy doesn't talk much. :p

Here is the last picture for the night...which I think looks very nice cuz it looks like we are at this antic castle or temple in Japan. Maybe it will be fun to go to Japan again now that I am into taking pictures...

Weird Dreams....

Don't know why I am getting weird dreams these days. At 1st I dreamed about getting a smart-looking white cat this morning. I guess that is kinda weird cuz I don't really like white cats that much. Maybe it came from the book I was reading these few weeks.

2nd thing I dreamed about was whole bunch of flowers. I felt suffocated when I saw all the flowers. That must be from the discussion about wedding with mom last night. She was telling me how much Esther spent on her wedding. I guess I had so much flowers in my dream also because I just ordered our flowers yesterday.

Speaking of Esther's wedding....I don't get how people want to waste over 70000 just on a wedding alone. In fact I don't even know why people need weddings. With the money wasted, I think the couple would be better of if they can actually save that money and use it somewhere helpful for their future.

Weddings are supposed to be for people to enjoy, but then a lot of time it turns out to be such a hassle at the end. Anyway....just don't get it. Grand aunt Dora called me this morning to discuss about the trip after our wedding. I guess I didn't have much to say since we are not planning it yet...sighs...can't even get this wedding over with sooner....now the trip?

By the way....aunt Dora said Esther got a very good deal out of the flowers...she "only" spent 2500 on the flowers....right....talking about rich people who desperately need "faces" and then argues at the end...I still don't get it.

Ok..let's talk about more enjoyable things. I am enjoying our tempurpedic bed so far. I am not sure if I am sleeping better, but I think my back hurts less now. Maybe it's just my imagination cuz it's like a new toy...hehehe....

We also got our TV set up last night, and we were watching TV till 1+. We found out that there are many hidden channels with the digital set up. It was kinda interesting I thought, even though we may not see all the hidden ones if we use cable later on. Oh...there were a lot of channels reporting about that Virgina shooting...kinda depressing.

I hope after Katty moves out we can do a big clearing up and rearranging for our stuff so it's not crowded everywhere. All the newly acquired accessories are really filling up the apartment. It is really a big change for someone like me who does not like furnitures much. I wonder how Hades is feeling about all these stuff other than his own bed and the red comforter he loves :)

No luck sleeping in

I guess recently I have no luck sleeping in. There was someone cutting the grass at our apartment this morning, and then a call from UPS woke me up. I wonder how UPS sends stuff to apartments which have no access and no phone to call...like ours...Anyway....I was lucky enough I had Hui-Ling jie and they did send out the pillows to her house instead.

I had a weird dream this morning, and it was about my Altima. I remember in the dream my Altima was having problems and over heated. I guess I am starting to worry about returning the car that is why I am dreaming about this. Us human beings are weird....we dream about things that is in our subconscious mind.

Watching this soap opera at noon gives me this weird vibe. It's hard to imagine how music was in 1940s and 50s China, and it was actually affecting what people listen to in Taiwan cuz music from China was leading the industry. It's also interesting to watch how people lived during that time, and how the society was changing during all the cultural mixes by people from diff. regions.

Ok...jumping of topic now. James had a lesson and actually practiced everything I said he had to pass. I was fair by giving him the right amount and practiced with him before I left with his terrible attitude last week. So I guess he only did what he should of done anyway. It was obvious last night he was all embarrassed about what he did before, so he only played and did not talk back at me even once through the whole lesson.

Starting from next week I will be teaching three hours for two days and 2 for the rest three days. I wish teaching can be a more stable thing so I don't have to keep changing my schedules....but I am also feeling I will be tied down to student schedules pretty soon if I want to make it stable. Oh well...nothing is perfect. Hopefully that Gloria girl who is dreaming of getting into SC is not gonna drive me nuts.

Ok...this soap opera is annoying me cuz the composer in the drama is such musician with his concept of relationships...dreamy dreamy...musicians man....They are from outer space really. (Look who is talking? right....I don't think I belong to the typical category...I hope...)

This is a mad world....

Manager woke me up this morning by drilling holes and making massive noises on the roof of our building. Hades was too scared by the sound he kept on moving around and I finally just gave up and got up. I decided to go do some laundry so I could wash the sheets we bought before we use them. (By the way Hades is sleeping and dreaming right now due to lack of sleep....and the reason why I know he is dreaming is because he is making sounds while his eyes are closed...very entertaining....)

I walked to the elevator and noticed there was a note saying there would be no water from 1-3. I thought it's perfect since I would be done with the laundry way before 1. I reached the laundry room, took out all the clothes, and then noticed the sheets I thought I put in weren't even in the bag. Talking about losing memory....I think it really got to me recently.

So I had to get all the sheets again and do a 2nd load...(which didn't bother me much since I like doing laundry....as long as that crazy mad woman is not around...) at the end I ended up washing everything from the twin bed, and also some towels. I wonder why I am talking about all this laundry stuff when I really wanted to talk about is how many people died in Virgina yesterday.

The 1st blog I read today was Joelle's. She was commenting how people are nuts in this world, and I totally agreed with her. Billy and I were discussing the motives of that killer last night before we slept. I just thought it was lame for the person to kill people because of his lame life. He even chose to kill himself in a lame way...what the heck.....he basically chose to go lame all the way I guess.

I can understand when a person feels that he is a total failure in this world and kills himself.. but when there are other people's lives involved, the killer just completely becomes a jerk. Who has a right to terminate others' lives just because you are a loser? There are things you cannot choose in life...(like how a person's IQ is or how a person gets dumped)...but there are also choices that one can make in life. I think endangering anyone else's life is just such an irresponsible act.

The fact is....this jerk is dead and he probably does not care about how irresponsible he was killing all those innocent students and professors. He probably does not even know how his country people must be somewhat ashamed. It's just like how we don't think about things we do to people can sometimes bring hurts to people, which are not that easy to heal.

This is such a mad world and people are just nuts. A lot of times I wonder why God has to create such a chaos so at the end we need salvation. It's such a paradox that a lot of people even avoid to think about. I am glad God gives us the chance of doubting or else I would be really depressed for believing everything without processing in the brain.

All I can do is to control myself not to go out and kill 30 + people I guess. Nobody knows what happens when extreme measures come in life. God have mercy on us.....

Hades declares Victory!!!!!

Hades declared victory today :) The one pigeon which kept on attempting to stay in our balcony came by several times this morning again. I think that arrogant bird really think he can step in and out any time he wants and nothing would happen to him. So we taught him otherwise.

Hades retreated under the coffee table after he saw the bird coming...and I kept the glass door open a little to wait for the bird. We didn't wait too long before our opportunity came. The stupid bird stepped in and was walking around as if the balcony was his territory. I opened the door and Hades ran out. The bird was too shocked and scared that he forgot where he came in from.

The pigeon was flying everywhere within the net of our balcony. Hades was able to grab three feathers off that pigeon before he escaped. Hades was so proud of himself that he walked right back in after he chased off the bird. I think he wanted to show me that he did a good job.

Okok....I admit I am probably making all of this too dramatic. I felt bad for the pigeon afterwards too...but... I just think everyone needs to learn how to stay off other people's territory. (even birds...) I know I know....making too much out of this again....too excited Hades won today....hahahahaha

When a kid lives in another country alone...

I went to Mirian's blog by accident cuz I saw her message on Ivan's blog. 1st thing I wondered about was why her name is spelled this way...but later my attention got shifted by the stuff she wrote cuz her blog just reminded me of my years in Michigan.

Mirian just went to Canada recently, and she is 15 now. The reason why I was reminded of my high school years is because I went to Michigan when I was 14. I guess our lives were on totally diff. tracks, but just the fact that she is up there all alone now just brought a lot of my memories back.

I still remember how I told mom that I don't think Mirian going to Canada by herself was a good idea. I had my reasons of suggesting that she should stay with her family as a teenager, but I guess I was not convincing enough since I chose to leave home even earlier than she did.

While I was reading her blog I was quite surprised that she actually "feels" a lot more than how I did at that age. All I could think about by then was to get to the top of the school and beat everyone around me in every way I can. I was thinking about how to get recognized and secure my scholarship and I actually enjoyed my competitive environment fully. It was sort of like I could only feel my existence by how well I did in school.

I did miss my family and all that....but school kept me busy enough I didn't have much time to "feel" my regrets of leaving home all that much. Sometimes I wonder if I would ever regret coming to the states alone. Honestly speaking by me wondering about that I think there is sure a little regret in me. I just tend to ignore it so I can feel less guilty of my own decisions back then.

Compared to Mirian I was far less expressive with my emotions. I think it's a kind of sickness for someone to not face his/her own emotions. It's like "I am not strong enough but I want to be...so let's not talk about my emotions" kinda disease. Yeah I know the name is super long, but that is what I got through the years I was surviving by myself all alone.

I hope Mirian would be less frustrated with her life in the future when she grows up (compare to me of course). I hope staying with a host family would kinda help a little. I hope people around her would give her enough help and support so she would not feel all alone. I hope things would go all smooth for her even if this is my wishful thinking.

I am sure God has his plans for everyone. I just hope we as humans don't have to make stupid decisions in life and then say God planned it. I don't know...maybe Mirian going to Canada is a good plan that God had in mind. After all....God works in mysterious ways.

Is it possible I like British stuff more?

I woke up this morning.....yes...early again.....Morning gets to be too long when one wakes up at 8 and has nothing to do. I started watching this film called "Keeping Mum" cuz I didn't know what would go along with my coffee after reading my daily script and e-mails.

Interesting enough, this film centers around a pastor's family...in a very weird way. I think I fully enjoyed the film cuz it's in a very weird black comedy which kept me smiling when I watched it...very subtle and yet it amused me fully. Maybe it's only because I come from a very church oriented family.

The guy who is famous for playing Mr. Bean was playing the role of a reverend in this film. It's quite funny to see how he can behave normal and act well with his role. I have heard this guy is quite smart and very professional when it comes to acting and the whole scheme of producing. I guess what appears to be on the outside is not always what a person really is.

What is cool about this film is how the messages that the reverend was giving were actually quite spiritual....and within this weird setting of the whole story line....you just kinda see how God exists in every situation....even with the dark humor in the movie. I know it's weird how I got messages out of this whole thing....

Anyway...I am making Billy watching this film right now.... and I wonder how he is gonna think about the film after he finishes it. I also wonder how many people would actually like this film after they watch it. Maybe I would be the only person who likes it...who knows...

I think British films are just more profound than most of the Hollywood films. Maybe I just like European stuff more without really knowing why. I tend to like actors who are from England too....weird...

Preference

I woke up early again this morning. I am starting to wonder if I am indeed getting too old to sleep my 8 hours. I thought this would not happen to someone who is not yet 30....but...yes....everything is possible.

Since I had to move Hades from his sleeping spot to use my mac, I ended up letting him sleep on my lap. He is just too happy to have me around that he couldn't stop purring. I guess he will have to make up his sleep when I go out later.

I started my day by drinking my soy latte and reading Joelle's blog, which she just fixed up recently. I was reading all the stuff she wrote on google, starbucks, MacDonlad, and the whole process of how each one of them evolves. I really couldn't stop the smile on my face while I read. I guess I really don't randomly like some people for no reason. (just like when I dislike someone I actually know why... even at times I when I don't want to point out the reasons.)

Joelle reminds me a lot of Howard. Both of them are quite imaginative, but very up to date with the current world. Even though we don't hang out a whole lot, but every time we do I really enjoy spending time with them. It's not really about what we do together, but how we tend to look at things in this world in a very interesting perspective...on top of that we are not afraid to talk about them. I think "daring" is the key.

Seriously I don't think any one of my close or good friends are normal people. The ordinary types of people bore me very quickly. I get tired when someone only talks about everyday life and repeating problems. I guess none of those routines give me inspirations at all.

Trying out new stuff is a big thing in my friend circle I think. That is perhaps why my friend circle changes quite often...and very few get to stay in it. (most people get stuck with usual routines and life becomes stale that way.) SO whoever gets to stay in the circle for a long time, they must be a keeper on my preference list.

It's one thing to have preference over things and people...but realizing one is not always going to get what he/she prefers is also crucial. (Yeah...life is not always perfect and we can't choose who would be around in our lives.) Sometimes it's also fun to watch how the preference list changes over time, cuz as we grow we learn to modify with reality.

I guess I should be thankful that at least some people around me are fun enough for. When I can't hang out with them...I get to read what they are doing anyway....and that is just as good. :)

Crazy Wind

The wind is blowing like crazy. It's quite amazing how the whole building is actually shaking and the net our manager put on is about to fly away from the balcony. I wonder what is up with LA weather this year cuz it almost feels like typhoon right now.

I think there was short circuit due to the crazy wind. My destop turned on by itself and it's now making a big noise. I know it's kinda freaky...but I am too lazy to walk over there to turn it off. Hades is checking on everything for me...checking the computer, the heater, and the balcony. I really think he consider himself as something other than a cat.

So the mattress is supposed to arrive by Sat. I really hope that will make a difference for me to sleep better. I am now pretty good at ignoring snoring sound if I am able to fall asleep...maybe after this mattress I can even be a deep sleeper...right....miracles do happen...sometimes...

I finally had some time to take pictures of our prayer bears. Big- Pig- Liu of the house put two pig heads for them to hold, and that really amused me. I wonder why pigs are starting to appear more and more in this house cuz that is not my year....With all the pigs around people are gonna start to think I am old. :p On the other hand, I guess I would not want snakes all over this place so I would just go along with the pigs.

Small pig of the house is taking a nap now so I went out to see if the crazy wind destroyed our net at the balcony since it's only held by staples. The min I walked out I noticed that manager actually cleaned up the balcony a little. (even though it's still not completely clean)...I guess sometimes crazy things can give positive effects in life? (like how the crazy wind made me see things which I didn't) I know that is like a weird conclusion....Off to teach now.

Addiction....

Speaking of addiction...it's everywhere in our lives I tell you. MSN was down when I woke up this morning, and all of a sudden I had this uneasy feeling that some imp mails might be waiting for me and I would not be able to reply to them on time.

After several unsuccessful attempts of logging in, I decided to go get more of my daily food...dumplings!!! I don't know if I am addicted to dumplings cuz I think I can cut it any time, but I am pretty sure addicted to lazy cooking!

Man...this Akai rice guy is on TV again with the stupid Akai rice commercial...I wonder why he drives me nuts so much...maybe just the way he talks and mostly his looks....anyway....I just got side tracked...

I felt the joy when I got home and turned on my computer. Everything was working fine :) I started drinking coffee and felt my headache went away. That shows I am probably addicted to caffeine as well...

In the Korean soap I am watching during lunch time, there is this princess desperately in love with the king so she would do anything to tie him down. (knowing the king loves another princess from the enemy country with his life.) So...I guess people are addicted to love even when it's stupid (as we can see with friends around us)....

I opened Hades' collar and he couldn't stop licking until I put the collar back on again. So there you go....even cats are addicted to something....I think it's funny how God made everything this way. Maybe it's just a scheme that he wants to be addicted to him somehow?

Long day....

Ok...so today is a long day...in many ways....

I woke up terribly early (for my standard) and couldn't go back to sleep. I went to bed after 2 last night (or this morning) cuz I needed to make myself really tired to be able to sleep. Billy's luck falling into sleep instantly really didn't help me much. Hades was the only creature who was sweet enough to stay up with me....but I think I tired him out big time by the end cuz he was sleeping on my pillow by 1 something with eyes half open to check on me occasionally.

I got my starbucks on the way to office cuz I was too lazy to make coffee. I thought drinking bitter coffee would probably keep me awake through the day since I needed that. Office was dark as usual...just like the good old days...all by myself in the office. Hui-Ling jie now does not even come to office. She works at home she told me....I wonder if my existence before was really a drag for her cuz she would come to the office perhaps because she felt bad I was there alone.

Minjee from the bridal shop wrote me regarding the dress, and I ended up visiting her for more measurements. We could not figure out what size to order cuz I tend to lose weight when I am stressed....and right now I am right in the middle of two sizes with my occasional stresses coming form I don't know where. I guess life is full of choices....even with a dress.

I wonder if I would be able to keep up with a good mood before July so I don't have to spend money adjusting the gown again. Minjee said people take up to three times adjusting the size sometimes and that costs a lot of money. I think I will just use tape or strings or something if I do get smaller...just so I don't have to waste any more on things I don't care much to start with.

Well the bonus of my visit was that I picked out another dress from the bride's maid collection which I think would work fine for the Banquet. This way I guess I would at least feel better that I don't have to worry too much on dresses. If I am lucky and come across to another nice dress then it's alright....but if I don't, I will survive with just a gown for the ceremony and a dress for the banquet.

James' mom called to apologize after I got back to office to work on Amy's music. I felt bad she had to apologize. It's such a drag to have kids cuz you never know how they turn out to be. Nowadays most of them turn out to be jerks half way through. She tried to fix his attitude till 11 and gave up cuz it was late. I just told her I would survive without teaching him.

Jeniffer's friend came to their house last night while I was teaching....and the girl Vivian happened to be someone I taught when she was little. So I should of know this was coming....The girl Vivian used to follow me around when I was still at EFC. It turns out that as soon as she saw me teaching, she went back and asked her mom if she can switch teacher again. It's funny how I got rid of so many students because of COG and now they just appear form nowhere after hearing that I am staying in LA. It's like a student recycling or something.

It's not even 2pm yet and I have two more students later....plus Amy's music that I have to finish...On top of that a prayer meeting that I have to go tonight. I think I should go take a make up nap with Hades cuz he is all sleepy and I am all dizzy. Sure it's a long day today.

It sucks to be a musician....

You know why it sucks to be a musician? Let me tell you why....

1. People don't just use the term "starving musician" for no reason. The only way you don't get to starve unless you are super talented and lucky, is to do things music related which you don't really want to do...such as...teaching....in my own case.

2. If you happen to teach music...then you have the risk of having heart attacks when you get lousy students. When you get ok students, you have to deal with how much talent they actually have. When you get really talented students....they tend not to practice.

3. If you decide to starve and do what you love....then you will probably never make it unless you have very good luck or very wealthy sponsor....by the way....that is still very good luck.

4. If you are so lucky that you actually make a career with things you love to do....mostly likely you would have to work with various people...such as engineers, band members, event coordinators, etc. And....it's guaranteed you would run into some people you absolutely hate to work with but have to.

5. Musicians most likely have emotional problems. They try to justify themselves by saying it's necessary that musicians have more feelings than normal people. Due to that stereotype, most "normal" people judge us musicians differently...and I do not know which way is right.

6. When you are a semi-talented musician....you cannot stand it when people who suck think they are all that....I personally think it's luckier to not know what is out there...but unfortunately I know...

So why am I complaining about all this? I guess because I am just stuck being a musician for now and I am not doing something I like. Or maybe it's because a really lousy student pissed me off big time and I fired him today.... Maybe I am just having my musician's mood swings like "normal" people would call it. I must be having identity crisis again I know...

Weird planning....

Ok...so these days I have been trying to use my planning skills....not like there is a lot by the way...and I just came to realize how God tends to plan things in a weird way with my life while I was reading Billy's Blogs again today.

1st of all, the thought of him being a non-Christian when we 1st met came to my mind while I was reading all those bible verses he put on. I still remember how Jay and others from his fellowship were all planning to "lure" him into Christianity years ago, and I was really having fun watching all that. I kept on wondering why this guy who does not really answer questions directly continued to go to that fellowship....but I guess God had his plans.

I almost feel like our "faith phases" kinda switched places during the past almost 4 years. I think by the middle to the end of my COG era I was having my faith high sort to speak. I went through all the craps and got into a 2nd ministry thinking God had his plans with all the misfortunes that happened, and then now I am probably at my new low after all these years...thanks to the job I just quited.

On Billy's side....he went from a non-believer to someone who has a decent faith (which I often wonder where he got it from). I sometimes feel entertained when I read his e-mails....not like I want to laugh at him, but more like I feel amused how the turns in life are. Thinking about how he had no pastoring from his environment and how I worked in so called ministries really makes me wonder what all of these is about....cuz he obviously turned out to be stronger than I am at this stage in time.

So....God has his weird planning. We got to know each other and stayed distant even though people tried to set us up. I went through years of struggling myself and dealt with my "always under-table" relationships. He had his stories (which I don't want to know but always tend to hear somehow...:p)....at the end....we are back to where we should of been if I did indeed obey and try things out with him when people suggested in the past.

I know things probably would not work out years ago even if I tried....but I guess I also knew the reason why I refused to try it out was because I sensed God was planning something. I guess if I boast about my 6th sense it would be kinda lame....but for people who know me long enough they do know I have that gift somehow....cannot explain it....maybe got it from mom or something....

Ok...I think I should stop wondering about God's weird planning....just wanted to make a note of things I thought about while I am up to writing it down. Have to go deal with my students now....I wish I can enjoy teaching more by being less serious about it....yeah I know it sounds weird....that's me...

So this is like a virus kinda thing....

So I guess this is like a virus kinda thing....everyone writes blogs nowadays...even Billy does...(that is just too scary I think)...It's not like I don't write blog, but then I guess it used to be more like a private thing which only one person gets to read....but now....due to my competitive nature...I have to start a blog in blogger just so I feel I belong to this "high tech" world. :p So here...My public blog you are reading...

Billy's blog is all very spiritual....and I decided I would just keep mine very earthly since we would need a balance in the family. My earthly blog would just start with how much energy I spent on dress shopping today....

So the wedding is like less than three months away....and everyone is nagging at me for not even picking my own wedding gown...on top of that not interested in doing most of the wedding related things. Since I am all free from my annoying job now, I decided to just actually get something done so it looks like I am making some progress on the wedding thing y.

Nancy and Pauline went to the fashion district with me today, and I just came to realize how I hate to shop for things that I am not that into. All the stores with dresses made me dizzy. In fact....I get dizzy just by looking around and walking on the streets. I had to work myself to get enough interest finding a dress for the bride's maids. I think I would feel much more energized if I was shopping for some sort of electronic gadgets.

I was so proud of myself being patient enough through the digging process that I was actually in a good mood when I paid for the dresses. (Even though I think it's such a waste of money...:p) It's hard for me to imagine most girls would spend days to find their "ideal" dress so they can look good for one afternoon...or even just few hours...

Ok...I think this blog is getting too long, and everyone already knows how I dislike weddings...let's make it short....the outcome of today's shopping trip is that I am now dead tired and I don't want to think about how much more money + time we would have to spend on other stuff in the three months ahead of us....I still don't understand why people have to do this wedding thing just so others get impressed for one day....

Hopefully this marriage thing would hold up strong enough so all of these painful preparation is worth while. I guess there is more work ahead of us....FOR A LIFE TIME!!!!! Geez....now that is really scary....wouldn't you say?