When a kid lives in another country alone...

I went to Mirian's blog by accident cuz I saw her message on Ivan's blog. 1st thing I wondered about was why her name is spelled this way...but later my attention got shifted by the stuff she wrote cuz her blog just reminded me of my years in Michigan.

Mirian just went to Canada recently, and she is 15 now. The reason why I was reminded of my high school years is because I went to Michigan when I was 14. I guess our lives were on totally diff. tracks, but just the fact that she is up there all alone now just brought a lot of my memories back.

I still remember how I told mom that I don't think Mirian going to Canada by herself was a good idea. I had my reasons of suggesting that she should stay with her family as a teenager, but I guess I was not convincing enough since I chose to leave home even earlier than she did.

While I was reading her blog I was quite surprised that she actually "feels" a lot more than how I did at that age. All I could think about by then was to get to the top of the school and beat everyone around me in every way I can. I was thinking about how to get recognized and secure my scholarship and I actually enjoyed my competitive environment fully. It was sort of like I could only feel my existence by how well I did in school.

I did miss my family and all that....but school kept me busy enough I didn't have much time to "feel" my regrets of leaving home all that much. Sometimes I wonder if I would ever regret coming to the states alone. Honestly speaking by me wondering about that I think there is sure a little regret in me. I just tend to ignore it so I can feel less guilty of my own decisions back then.

Compared to Mirian I was far less expressive with my emotions. I think it's a kind of sickness for someone to not face his/her own emotions. It's like "I am not strong enough but I want to be...so let's not talk about my emotions" kinda disease. Yeah I know the name is super long, but that is what I got through the years I was surviving by myself all alone.

I hope Mirian would be less frustrated with her life in the future when she grows up (compare to me of course). I hope staying with a host family would kinda help a little. I hope people around her would give her enough help and support so she would not feel all alone. I hope things would go all smooth for her even if this is my wishful thinking.

I am sure God has his plans for everyone. I just hope we as humans don't have to make stupid decisions in life and then say God planned it. I don't know...maybe Mirian going to Canada is a good plan that God had in mind. After all....God works in mysterious ways.